.....it's been bothering me for a few days now,

and yes I do have reality based thoughts and they do yes they really send me sideways and as much as I'm struggling with this online world I do recognise all you anonymous people from around the world as face to face people and yet it's still a struggle sometimes I just read and look and see words and a make up name and I can't just simply can't assimilate and it's full on

...and I feel like I don't belong here I only arrive when I'm spinning out mostly and it's always strange and it scares the crap out of me I can't control it what I do here...and I feel connected

...to people I can't see and touch it's disturbing to my senses which are already stuffed but anyhow

and I want to engage but it's just a screen I'm lookin' at and I wasn't born with an iphone up my arse...(ouch!)

...I just feel way out of touch like I'm the weirdest person here. I know I'm the weirdest person 'there'...but here as well....thats everywhere almost....guess it's ok?

it's just strange I turn off the computer and everyone is gone.

it's such a strange environment for a social misfit?

such a unit!

[hamster-bamster]

Think about it this way. There is continuity. Yes, my name is made up, but all my posts are made by me (I promise I have never given my login credentials to anyone). So it is one and the same person, and you get to know me better and better with each post, and I do likewise. Not too bad, in my mind.

Originally Posted by hamster-bamster

Think about it this way. There is continuity. Yes, my name is made up, but all my posts are made by me (I promise I have never given my login credentials to anyone). So it is one and the same person, and you get to know me better and better with each post, and I do likewise. Not too bad, in my mind.

..yeah I know you are real hamster....I feel like I know you people better than the people I actually 'see'....

...but like I said sometimes I just stare at the screen and I don't know what I'm looking at and often I get feelings and 'moved' and all sorts and it don't 'compute' (scuse the pun)...and other times...I don't assimilate this online world too well....but it's likely not unusual

I had the first mobile phones ever made...I was texting like a mad arse before it got popular last century, I had the first computer phone they made 10 years ago...now I struggle with it all.

but it helps to 'arrive' here...or I wouldn't do it

[hamster-bamster]

Interesting. I was a late comer. I still text only when someone really wants me to - if I want to make a contact, I email or call. That is why I do not know the texting lingo and some people on this board have had to enlighten me (lmao, e.g. - now I know).

...hey hamster there was never any 'lingo' when I started...

and my mobile phone just sits around....

I rang up thousands of dollars in phone bills and vodaphone the tossers are still after me I used to have 3 separate phones when I was a truck driver....

this one day...(I had a golf club in the cab just for whenever and whatever and I climbed onto the roof of the truck hundreds of miles from anywhere and cos my stupid phones kept ringing...hehe...I answered two of them consecutively and said "yeah hold on I'll just get him (me)...then put the phones down consecutively and then took a nice old swing with my 5 iron and sent them off into the wilderness!....

they are still out there probly in the Australian outback getting lizard poop on them ...hehe

I feel silly when I use it now the lingo..but I still do it sometimes lol....(hehe)

it's either catch on or fall off!...I spose I would prefer to fall off but gracefully and I aint much good at golf

[ChristySpirals]

I thought it was a change of scenery that I needed. A woman invited me over for coffee (I don't drink coffee but accepted the idea of going). It was awkward, she gossiped (first sign to know as soon as you leave you will be the words coming out of her mouth to the next). I tried picking up the phone but ended up fighting with my sister. NEXT..... I am safe here, people get me here even if it is only a small portion of my bigger picture. I get others here. When the computer is shut off is when I go deeper into irrational thoughts or memories I don't want to remember or, well, boredom...yep bored as hell watching a movie I don't even know what it is about or reading a book but forgetting the last few pages or worse yet the phone rings and never knowing what kind of conversation is going to be played out. Yep I will stick to what I am comfortable with, even though I can't hug any of you (which I wouldn't cuz I hate hugs anyways lol). I found my niche with a bunch of bipolar people and screw the stories about crazy people, this is about as normal as normal gets for some :P Peace

There is continuity. There is disconnect.

Clicking through page to page breaks a person into tiny bits that are hard to reassemble.

We come on here at different times from different places. Other's words can gain or lose meaning depending more on where we are than where they were written from.

It's all to easy and sometimes automatic to skim through posts that are heart and not see the person behind them at all.

The machine often feels like a thing to me. When i shut it off I feel like I am putting everyone away in their little boxes for the night.

But I also know them and I try hard to keep the bits in the right places. I read people over and over again from the different angles until I feel the words, thoughts.

Anonymity is so freeing. I can feel so close to people because they let their guard down completely. In real life that sharing and intimacy rarely happens.

.......lost my train of thought.....

at you Monkey

...lost my train of though about 24 years ago....derailed the mofo', skipped the tracks completely went bushland wilderness permanent collision epic but barely noticeable in the scheme of things...

I mean.....whats it really like in amongst the population?

how the F do we all get by really?

or...politely..."how do we cope?....as the 'diagnosed'...?"

even if it's only us that know it!....yeah it's wishy washy stigma bulls.h.i.t

...and I got quite the feeling that no-one really cares anyway and I don't really want them to because then I have to sit through their even weirder imaginations of what it's like and better off let them go.

...so yes this is what works best coming here and no judgements and kindness....and some surprises

...and away we go .......

Trains suck anyway-full of normal people. It is fun to swear at them under your breath, but just loud enough for them to hear it. Then they stay the F away from you.

How the F do we all get by really? We keep it in our ****ing heads when we can. When we can't we stay the **** away from people. When we can't stay away and we can't hold it in we can only hope to be seen as "entertaining" and not a complete out of control freak, monster.

Some people do care and its TOUGH **** FOR YOU that they do. If they do really care you can tell them to stfu when you can't listen to their ********.

Shutting the **** up now.

hey wheels...J....you 'tightlip' yourself so severely when you have a very very cool aspect yes....