[Kristiemarie]

I haven't been diagnosed with bpd yet because I'm pregnant and my new pdoc won't diagnose me now (makes sense since my hormones are ridiculous).

Heres where I am now..., I've been being treated for depression for about 15 years. I've been on several different antis, cocktails and such to no avail with my general practitioner. He recommended me to a pdoc. I went to see one (haven't been to one in about 15 years since first diagnosis) and within 15 minutes, she told me no depression but anxiety ans ADHD. I can see that in myself and buy it. She prescribed me xanax as needed and i gotta say, it was fantastic for that month i was taking it. But I felt really uncomfortable with her fast food style diagnosis so I found a new pdoc. Low and behold, before getting in, I found out I was preggers but kept my appt anyway since I want a relationship with a doc after the baby.

He sat with me for an hour, asked questions, listened and said he was on the fence about several diagnosis' but he wasn't going to officially go there due to the pregnancy. He told me there is definitely some anxiety but instead of ADHD, he said only some concentration problems. He told me to ask my Ob about some medications to take while pregnant to alleviate some symptoms until after birth when he wants to see me again. He wanted me to start with the herbal and move down the list. He also told me I would not be taking Xanax again.

One of the drugs was an herb for anxiety. The other is an anti depressant/anti anxiety. The third is for bipolar (lamictal)--ok seizures but I don't get them so, really, bipolar.

I have suspected bpd in the past but it seems so major I always brushed it off as me being hypochondria and paranoia. But now it seems like bipolar may be in fact on the table. My Ob did not agree to any of them and so I am med free and freaking out on occasion.

I know that SOME of my issues are pregnancy related but I also know myself well enough to know that my irritability, leave me alone attitude and lack of motivation came way before the pregnancy. I've been keeping a mood tracker and honestly don't see much of a drastic pattern. Maybe I'm not being honest because my moods feels much more up and down than the graph shows.

I just wanted to come here and introduce myself because deep down, I think I do have bpd2. it would explain so much. It would explain my racing thoughts. My "seriously, go to sleep!" moments that make my husband crazy. Lol. Getting rid of that... That in and of itself would be enough for him I think.

I am due in nov. Pdoc has asked to see me back one week postpartum. Before the ppd sets in (like it did with my first). I should be able to get a more concrete diagnosis then.

But I wanted to come somewhere and say all this...it feels good to just get it out there.