I'm scared

Part of me wants to drop the tough act and call my Social Worker to tell her how bad things really are, another part is uncontrollable in my actions...

I keep getting these violent thoughts in my head. I'm also swearing a lot at myself and these are signs the anger is getting bad. I feel these thoughts have been brushed off my Social Worker in the past as she didn't think I'd be the type to act on them.

I've thought about calling - asking that if I do see her on Monday to have someone else there at the CMHT to supervise me. I realise this sounds drastic - but my violent thoughts of throwing furniture around the room/ kicking walls etc have been too. Just now it's all come flooding in again.

What would you guys do in a situation like this? It's like my Social Worker refuses to see the bad in any potentially harmful situation. x

I used to be in that situation all the time. My hypomania used to send me into rages. I know what that is like. I think the best thing to do, and the easiest, is to write down everything when it's bad and seal it in an envelope. give it to your social worker and let her do her job from there.

I know it's hard. I spent almost 26 weeks trying to build up the nerve to talk to someone before I finally did. But it doesn't get any easier over time. You just have to do it! But I promise, once you do and the ball starts rolling, then it gets easier. Soon you will be discussing these issues like a pro without giving it a second thought.

After all, what do you have to lose but the rage? lol

I wish you the best of luck and my thoughts are with you!

I'm going to go out on a limb here...

I was just watching my two girls head off to school. First day of this school year and my brain went immediately to all the bad things that could happen with the other kids. Soon I was lost in thoughts of protecting them and the evils that could happen. This triggered me into thinking the way I used to and i caught myself before any rage developed. I have serious issues with this, just like you.

I don't trust people and I always see the dark potential that people have. It's really hard to get past that as I have paranoia of people too. I'm getting better, but ONLY WITH TREATMENT! It's not something I could even get a handle on before treatment.

If your like me, your childhood was nothing but abuse in school by others. You would have developed serious self destructive behavior, to the point that you were willing to hurt yourself first, before any one else could do it. So if your anything like me, please please talk to your social worker.

My point is that, if your anything like me, there are triggers and you need to really pay attention and try to find them. A lot of things can trigger us into our rage and its so important to pay attention and try to figure them out. only then can we get a grip on what's happening and why.

I'm sorry if I'm wrong and you don't relate, but I had to try!

Best of luck and keep us posted!

Hi,

Thanks for your replies. I just phoned up. They're going to let her know. x

I would call your social worker or your doc. I think you need the help. Goodluck and let us know what happens.

I would preface with: "I sometimes feel that I am not taken seriously. Symptoms 1,2,3 have been bothering me a lot, yet, I feel, they have been disregarded by my treatment team. Please realize that these symptoms are not going away without treatment - they need attention."

Good for you greys. I really hope it goes well. Keep us posted.

good luck