[Permanent Pajamas]

My childhood is really coming on strong today. I was emotionally abused by my mom and by most of the neighborhood kids at home and at school.

The kids all called me the usual names, but the one that is haunting me today is "weirdo". As an adult in my 50's I should be over this by now, but I am weak.

Maybe I'm alone in this. I could live with "eccentric", but "weirdo" hurts, still hurts. It is amazing to me how words that mean essentially the same thing can feel so different.

Decades have gone by and those kids still stab me.

Thanks for listening.

[Clinte89]

Sorry your having a rough go of it. I know what you mean I was made fun I alot when I was a kid myself, but I don't let it bother me, kids can just be mean. Try not o take it to personally although that's hard to do. Hang in there I hope you feel better soon

[~Christina]

Oh I so understand how words can hurt and follow you through life. Have you or do you go to Therapy ? A Therapist can help you get through the process of ridding yourself of the past hurt and negative things.

Good Luck

[Permanent Pajamas]

Originally Posted by morethingswrong

Oh I so understand how words can hurt and follow you through life. Have you or do you go to Therapy ? A Therapist can help you get through the process of ridding yourself of the past hurt and negative things.

Good Luck

I've been in therapy for 20 years. Nothing works. The meds barely contain this mess that is me.

[Clinte89]

My question is why do you let this bother you? ( no offense meant) but you can take the power away from the hurtful words by using them against themselves, for example, I was called an embarrassment to my family and to take away the sting I just say so what if I am? It my opinion of myself that matters not someone else's opinion of me.

[Permanent Pajamas]

Originally Posted by Clinte89

My question is why do you let this bother you? ( no offense meant) but you can take the power away from the hurtful words by using them against themselves, for example, I was called an embarrassment to my family and to take away the sting I just say so what if I am? It my opinion of myself that matters not someone else's opinion of me.

It's the damn voices. They won't drop it.

The only time I have any peace is when I'm asleep.

I'm posting in Bipolar because that is what the doc tells me I am, but aren't voices indicative of schizophrenia?

I don't think he's telling me the truth.

[faerie_moon_x]

Sorry you were badly bullied. I was also badly bullied and they actually used my name to bully me, so I changed it legally becuse I can't stand to hear that name spoken and won't say it out loud.

But, other names, I have learned tocombat them. Turn them around, make them into something new. Sometimes you have to pick up the enemies sword and make it your own. Then, suddenly it seems less sharp.

[Clinte89]

Exactly dark heart you have it right. Spot on. But the voices are a psychotic feature of bipolar. I have the same problem sometimes I even try to drown them out with loud music but that doesn't help. So I feel ya the voices inside can be very hurtful. But yes it can be a feature of bipolar.

[faerie_moon_x]

Yeah, voices are frustrating.

[Permanent Pajamas]

Originally Posted by Clinte89

Exactly dark heart you have it right. Spot on. But the voices are a psychotic feature of bipolar. I have the same problem sometimes I even try to drown them out with loud music but that doesn't help. So I feel ya the voices inside can be very hurtful. But yes it can be a feature of bipolar.

I didn't know that. I'm going to have to do some reading. I wonder why my doc didn't tell me that.

[faerie_moon_x]

Doctors don't always tell you what other patients already know. And I don't mean jsut for MH either. Like... when I have my gall bladder out did they tell me 2 side effects was going to be horrid indigestion and stomach issues for the rest of my life? Nope. But my mother in law knew that and said they didn't tell her either.

That's why PC is great. We can compare similar issues we all have that doesn't get listed in the DSM books...

[Permanent Pajamas]

Originally Posted by dark_heart_x

Doctors don't always tell you what other patients already know. And I don't mean jsut for MH either. Like... when I have my gall bladder out did they tell me 2 side effects was going to be horrid indigestion and stomach issues for the rest of my life? Nope. But my mother in law knew that and said they didn't tell her either.

That's why PC is great. We can compare similar issues we all have that doesn't get listed in the DSM books...

That was a rotten thing to do to you. The patient is always entitled to all the facts.

I'm not happy that my doctor has been less than candid with me. I don't like games.

[faerie_moon_x]

Yeah, it's frustrating. But I've also learned that doctors really don't know everything. They just know enough to get the job done sometimes.

[Clinte89]

I have to say I'm lucky to have the doctor I have but he also doesn't tell the whole story so I have had to figure it out myself or from others.

Try thinking differently about it, Permanent Pajamas. Consider that children can be cruel until they either outgrow it or are taught a better way of treating other people. They are the ones who would crumble under the realization that they are revealing themselves, not you, Permanent P.J's.

Also, forgiving them does more for you than it will ever do for the people you forgive. For one thing, it frees you inside from feelings of inferiority or negativity to know that they no longer have any ability to affect your emotions in any way whatsoever.

When you realize that only very weak people behave this way, you'll see yourself for all the strength that you really do have to live without the need for children trying to control your thoughts.

Life is really worth living well when we are free inside. Try to find that, please, because it's in you just waiting to be let go so that your little child can come out to play!

Take care and love yourself, please.

[unaluna]

Sorry if this is a dumb questIon ie recently answered but are you on any meds? Prozac stopped the voices in my head, even tho that is not its advertised purpose.

[Permanent Pajamas]

Originally Posted by hankster

Sorry if this is a dumb questIon ie recently answered but are you on any meds? Prozac stopped the voices in my head, even tho that is not its advertised purpose.

I'm on a lot of meds. I'm treatment resistant, so little hope.

My psych is talking about TMS now, but I don't want to do that. It's too expensive. I have good insurance but they don't cover that.