changed my mind...nothing to see here

burning blue gas coat un float the gasping skinny sick throat
...shut the back door face down on the wet floor no drifting now all the shifting how?

too late organ skate death heart upstart
miss me hurt me touch me miss me miss you all over again!
trust me break you break me break me again!

no where to go pain agony in slo mo ouch sucks twist me rip me trip me!

left alone....only ghostman steps can, unready they ran

the lights on or off make no difference to me

pre tripped over slipped under equipped and extra flipped!

the black hole moves in the shadows it haunts me it wants me it needs me it knows me it is me...

we meet we stare eyeball to eyeball this shadow fits in my shape it sits with me staring at me I speed up it catches my pace it knows my moves I do nothing it is right beside me I do everything fatigued in a human heap it teases me it says I could do better I get angry with it I don't sleep for days it hangs above my bed in the dark pinning my eyelids apart with filthy torn memory finger fangs

in the grip in the needly darkness the putrid over-stupor I rot!

dank fetid ruin disgusting!

black light overdeath killed re-pain sick breath it's over it's finished!

this beast chases me I see it sometimes it sees me everytime I will rip it apart

...i sideswiped the prick!

I cannot get away from it

I am violated by this cerebral ghost I am mentally raped I am tied to the wall.

i tried to outrun it I ....?

it knew my moves it was ahead of me.

I was ill before now I am really ill

i took my medication it overwhelms the effects there is nothing I can do I breath in the choking corpse that I have become I am not in control now I?

don't know why this is happening to me?

I didn't have to do anything wrong it's just now becoming ridiculous!

the ghost must ensure my survival but I am angry with it typical otherworld entitities know nothing have no damn manners!

[kindachaotic]

... still here monkey

thankyou kc....you are so reliable I am touched ...I

wish I was the same

I am in full mania I am just trying good to keep control it's two days now awake I cannot sleep I am wired I am not even upset I have no outlet I want to be ok I cannot direct my absurd energy anywhere to release!

meds I took they must have done something ?

I am on over-ride

shredded threaded dreaded beheaded!
overdone under-one twice out-run

can't calm

can't settle

gotta keep it together whatever 'it' is?

I saw this coming this meltdown this disturbance watched from me looking back at me

as usual no damn warning enough to cancel but it's ok!

it has to be

I so want to unleash let it go this self control for weeks has blown my mind

what keeps me awake?
what keeps me so wired ?
what does this psyichiatric animal want me to do?
what does it need from me?

vapourise all logic in it's path I cannot understand this?

leave me alone bipolar madness I don't need you I hate you done nuthin good for me

it's gripping me black talons angry disgusting emotional violence down to my bones let me go!

no release until I understand why?...damn it!...I hate this routine...

yeah show me how pitiful I am just how pathetic useless I am meaningless!

tear my life apart right in front of me and do it every day shatter me destroy my spirit

make all my efforts look like crap disintegrate my existence you bipolar shitstorm
watch me arch my back stare you in the psychotic eye and survive!

and shove the bipolar shitstorm right back up your arse.

[kindachaotic]

... Keep talking monkey

make me bury my head in the shadows while the sun is shining!

I should rip you terribleness into shreds and piss on them....

torment me make me want death make me dream of death all freaking day make me hate life you SUCK!.....leave me alone demon ghost depression .

years how long do you want me to do this?...seriously arsehole what? turn me into a murderer? a solo crime scene bastard!

I pat cats and hate me I hug the sky I hate me I smile in the sunlight I hate me leave me alone it's not my fault! the bipolar upswing is killing me quicker than the empty backslide

it's obvious this invisible madness wants me dead!

if I don't declare this and classify it in some way to overwhelm itself then it will succeed.

I have to stand back bipolar hold both in each hand break the back of this killer accept me both ways watch the emptiness fill up with it's own death not mine leave it be

the manic depression is a hungry beast and I am a delicious target so loving succulent tasty, prick wants to dine on me.

well thats one good way to beat it ...write the damn thing out of your system!

the phantom lost interest in me this time.

I will be ready for it if and when it comes back...

we all have one

[kindachaotic]

... Feel a little better? :-)

Originally Posted by kindachaotic

... Feel a little better? :-)

...yes kc....i see you stuck around thankyou lady honey

i needed to rip into this thing this illness thankyou..

you understand

love, james