Get upset when people ignore me

BlueInanna · Sep 05, 2012 at 11:59 PM

good job thinking everything through setso. past couple years i learned that feelings are different than thoughts, i'm still figuring it out. but for example last night talking to my son about him relapsing with meth. told him i felt betrayed, also told him i'm not saying that's a fact, just how i feel, i know you weren't trying to betray me, and were just out with your friends doing your thing, but that's how i feel. he nodded and understood (he's possibly had more therapy than me).

so i'm figuring out how to have my feelings and how to think them through, which helps me process the feeling, time to choose how to react, etc.

and hey good song the incubus one, i liked it

mamamaggie89 · Sep 06, 2012 at 12:27 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Setso

This is a huge trigger for me. Ie; when I send someone a pm and they don't reply. Or in a game when I ask someone something and no reply...

I understand an tell myself that maybe they busy, or didn't see it or something...
But it still BOTHERS ME A LOT....every...single...time! And this is a HUGE trigger for me. To the point where I cry and scream out loud, and if it's a really bad day, I get suicidal even. I think it has to do with how I suffered a lot of rejection in my life, and have a weak self esteem sometimes, so when it triggers hard, I break down.
How to cope??

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I hope this isn't partly me... I haveen't read this whole thread yet but I will admit that I often struggle to keep in contact with people... But it is something I am working on. If this is in any way directed towards me, you have my deepest and most sincere apology. And I owe you a cupcake

Setso · Sep 06, 2012 at 07:02 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by mamamaggie89

I hope this isn't partly me... I haveen't read this whole thread yet but I will admit that I often struggle to keep in contact with people... But it is something I am working on. If this is in any way directed towards me, you have my deepest and most sincere apology. And I owe you a cupcake

nah it's not directed at anyone
Just happens randomly sometimes

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moremi · Sep 06, 2012 at 07:05 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Setso

This is a huge trigger for me. Ie; when I send someone a pm and they don't reply. Or in a game when I ask someone something and no reply...

I understand an tell myself that maybe they busy, or didn't see it or something...
But it still BOTHERS ME A LOT....every...single...time! And this is a HUGE trigger for me. To the point where I cry and scream out loud, and if it's a really bad day, I get suicidal even. I think it has to do with how I suffered a lot of rejection in my life, and have a weak self esteem sometimes, so when it triggers hard, I break down.
How to cope??

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

I think you have the right idea. It is they probably just didnt see it or are not online at the time, or have not had time to get back to you yet. Just try and give them a little more time. I know its hard to have patience when its something important but sometimes we have to. Hope your feeling better

Sep 06, 2012 at 09:20 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by cocoabeans

You know you don't have to wave up your hands and say, "well it's bipolar thinking" and just accept it right? You are aware of the problems this is causing you. You can choose the thoughts you pay attention to.

I had honestly never considered this before! I would like to hear more things like this. It really gets me thinking about if I am playing victim and giving up or not. Thank you for this Cocoa.

will you start a thread and talk more about this? or at least pm me cuz it's this kind of thinking that I need right now. thnx

Kahrey · Sep 06, 2012 at 11:51 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BlueInanna

past couple years i learned that feelings are different than thoughts, i'm still figuring it out. but for example last night talking to my son about him relapsing with meth. told him i felt betrayed, also told him i'm not saying that's a fact, just how i feel, i know you weren't trying to betray me, and were just out with your friends doing your thing, but that's how i feel.

I cannot get my husband to understand this...it's a major issue. He says one thing, yet acts another. And then I tell him how I feel, and he takes it as an attack and says I need to listen and just trust what he says and quit assuming things. He can't seem to understand that I'm just telling him how I feel, I'm not trying to say he is doing anything intentionally. He just always believes I'm attacking him. Saying, "The way you're acting makes me feel like you don't care." To him is me saying, "Well, you just don't care." He can't seem to understand the difference.

snugglebeary · Sep 07, 2012 at 06:08 AM

Oh my gosh, I absolutely hate it when people ignore me too. I'll think their busy at first but then I begin to think that they are mad at me then I freak out and start crying thinking that they hate me. Or I think they are screwing with my mind especially the people who know about my disorder.

It's nice to know I'm not the only one who freaks out over this kind of situation.

moremi · Sep 07, 2012 at 07:24 AM

I do it to with everything, texting, e maiils, fb u name it. Guess its just normal huh?

faerie_moon_x · Sep 07, 2012 at 10:27 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Kahrey

I couldn't have said it better. This exactly! My "husband" is always on me about this. But I can't help it, when someone doesn't respond, I automatically think I've done something wrong, or they're mad at me, or something of the sort. I find that I end up pushing people away rather than drawing them nearer. Thank goodness my best friend is bipolar as well so he understands me a lot better.

Yes, I automatically think I have done something wrong or made someone mad. I get extremely high anxiety on this and sometimes I have panic attacks when I think I've made someone mad. I work on this to reality check myself back to normal. But, it isn't easy to un-learn. It takes a lot of hard work to get rid of those unwantd thoughts and fears.

Sep 07, 2012 at 10:40 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BlueInanna

good job thinking everything through setso. past couple years i learned that feelings are different than thoughts, i'm still figuring it out. but for example last night talking to my son about him relapsing with meth. told him i felt betrayed, also told him i'm not saying that's a fact, just how i feel, i know you weren't trying to betray me, and were just out with your friends doing your thing, but that's how i feel. he nodded and understood (he's possibly had more therapy than me).

so i'm figuring out how to have my feelings and how to think them through, which helps me process the feeling, time to choose how to react, etc.

and hey good song the incubus one, i liked it

I remember when I was that kid.. meth every day, not to mention all of the other stuff I would do. I would not go near it with a 100 foot pole now... he'll get there too!

hamster-bamster · Sep 07, 2012 at 11:57 AM

I think you need to realize that you are competing for someone 's attention . .

And in that competition you do not always win - at least not right away .

BlueInanna · Sep 07, 2012 at 02:44 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Kahrey

I cannot get my husband to understand this...it's a major issue. He says one thing, yet acts another. And then I tell him how I feel, and he takes it as an attack and says I need to listen and just trust what he says and quit assuming things. He can't seem to understand that I'm just telling him how I feel, I'm not trying to say he is doing anything intentionally. He just always believes I'm attacking him. Saying, "The way you're acting makes me feel like you don't care." To him is me saying, "Well, you just don't care." He can't seem to understand the difference.

Communication can be so hard. I just did a therapy class on this sort of thing, and I probably won't be able to explain as well as my yogini therapist with her long red curly hair, as she almost hovered in lotus position, having the most perfect answer for everything.

Try to start with the I feel statement, and then the when, specific action or incident. So instead of saying, "The way you're acting makes me feel like you don't care." You could try, "I feel really uncared for when you watch tv a lot." (or whatever it is that bothers you) In your first statement, you are (unintentionally) putting him into a defensive by saying he does this, makes you feel this. Own your feelings, they're yours, they're valid. Feelings aren't wrong, we have to be responsible how we act/react to them. But any feeling is ok, and it's your responsibility to effectively communicate them to your partner. Easier said than done of course

So try it out, starting with "I feel". I think you guys can work this out, it's just a communication glitch.

Sep 07, 2012 at 03:12 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Setso

This is a huge trigger for me. Ie; when I send someone a pm and they don't reply. Or in a game when I ask someone something and no reply...

I understand an tell myself that maybe they busy, or didn't see it or something...
But it still BOTHERS ME A LOT....every...single...time! And this is a HUGE trigger for me. To the point where I cry and scream out loud, and if it's a really bad day, I get suicidal even. I think it has to do with how I suffered a lot of rejection in my life, and have a weak self esteem sometimes, so when it triggers hard, I break down.
How to cope??

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

yes this makes sense...

it's what I call..'emotional investment'

you perhaps?......have a social heart inside of you that beats more for others than for yourself.

yeah....a rejection thing for sure...and the world is packed to the sides with the rejected.

I do it too...it's vital to overcome for survival..it's more a borderline kinda' thing but it's pretty common for everybody to 'act out' but just not as much as us.

I don't have an identity structure....not an intact one anyway.

...alot of what I express....is an attempt to develop an identity....and I am careful where I let this personal energy go.

it may not return see!

it's like saying..."here is a piece of me...I thought long and hard about it...I am letting it go setting it free...."

if it don't come back to me....then "yes"....it is upsetting....it's gone ....

it might take me days weeks months to get that confidence back.

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moremi Grand Member Member Since Jan 2012 Location: Somewhere Out there Posts: 940 12 301 hugs given	Sep 07, 2012 at 07:24 AM #28 I do it to with everything, texting, e maiils, fb u name it. Guess its just normal huh? __________________ Crystal Go confidently in the direction of your dreams! Live the life you have imagined. As you simplify your life, the laws of the universe become simple. Bipolar 1 OCD BPD Anxiety with panic disorder Agorophobia viibryd
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hamster-bamster Account Suspended Member Since Sep 2011 Location: Northern California Posts: 14,805 (SuperPoster!) 13 3,729 hugs given	Sep 07, 2012 at 11:57 AM #31 I think you need to realize that you are competing for someone 's attention . . And in that competition you do not always win - at least not right away .
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