[MommaR]

I was treated once with medication for my disorder and I didnt have the episodes of depression and negative thoughts of myself but I also no longer had my "highs." Yes, I realize thats the point, lol. Sounded good in dr office but in real life I discovered IT SUCKS! I live thru the lows to GET TO THE HIGHS!! I was miserable without them, no longer felt like myself and would best describe life as living like a zombie! My mania causes issues for me and more for my husband as he babies me and goes around picking up the pieces when I have a manic phase. I know he would be happier if I were medicated but Im not! I dont think I could stand life without knowing I might wake up tomo in a high. Does anyone else feel this way or am I a singular kind of tormented?

[Setso]

I can understand. I can't advise you on meds but hope things get better for you!

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[MommaR]

Originally Posted by Setso

I can understand. I can't advise you on meds but hope things get better for you!

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Thank you for your encouragement

[moremi]

Originally Posted by MommaR

I was treated once with medication for my disorder and I didnt have the episodes of depression and negative thoughts of myself but I also no longer had my "highs." Yes, I realize thats the point, lol. Sounded good in dr office but in real life I discovered IT SUCKS! I live thru the lows to GET TO THE HIGHS!! I was miserable without them, no longer felt like myself and would best describe life as living like a zombie! My mania causes issues for me and more for my husband as he babies me and goes around picking up the pieces when I have a manic phase. I know he would be happier if I were medicated but Im not! I dont think I could stand life without knowing I might wake up tomo in a high. Does anyone else feel this way or am I a singular kind of tormented?

I completely understand. I dont know what I would do if I knew I would never have another high ever again. I look forward to them. I told my husband Im addicted to them. He just laughs and says well we cant afford it in the bank account....lol

[Victoria'smom]

I understand you want the "highs" but you want manageable "highs". Some Pdocs will let you have that. My pdoc is willing to let me have manageable "highs" as long as I stay in therapy. He's been very understanding that I wont feel "normal" without the small highs and lows. I have a strong history of being non-compliant and he treads carefully with medication. He does have me come in much more often then others.

I felt like that on several medication. This medication I do not have any side effects. I'm more stable but far from completely stable. If you trust you pdoc work with him or her to find the least amount of medication. You also have a choice to work only with a therapist until you decide whether or not you want medication.

[BlueInanna]

What if you were over medicated? I still have the moods, but less severe, and I'm on meds.

[Seaswept]

I understand too momma but are the lows worth the highs?

[Seaswept]

Originally Posted by Miguel'smom

I understand you want the "highs" but you want manageable "highs". Some Pdocs will let you have that. My pdoc is willing to let me have manageable "highs" as long as I stay in therapy. He's been very understanding that I wont feel "normal" without the small highs and lows. I have a strong history of being non-compliant and he treads carefully with medication. He does have me come in much more often then others.

I felt like that on several medication. This medication I do not have any side effects. I'm more stable but far from completely stable. If you trust you pdoc work with him or her to find the least amount of medication. You also have a choice to work only with a therapist until you decide whether or not you want medication.

How does your Dr. let you have manageable highs?

[MommaR]

Originally Posted by Miguel'smom

I understand you want the "highs" but you want manageable "highs". Some Pdocs will let you have that. My pdoc is willing to let me have manageable "highs" as long as I stay in therapy. He's been very understanding that I wont feel "normal" without the small highs and lows. I have a strong history of being non-compliant and he treads carefully with medication. He does have me come in much more often then others.

I felt like that on several medication. This medication I do not have any side effects. I'm more stable but far from completely stable. If you trust you pdoc work with him or her to find the least amount of medication. You also have a choice to work only with a therapist until you decide whether or not you want medication.

I'm actually not seeing a specialist/ therapist at all atm. I know, thats terrible considering I am a clinical psych major and I know how important it is!!! But I got to school 3 days a week, do homewk and housewk the other two... I cant fit one more thing in.

[MommaR]

Originally Posted by BlueInanna

What if you were over medicated? I still have the moods, but less severe, and I'm on meds.

I was only on one med- Zoloft- its possible it wasnt right for my condition or body chemistry... idk... I got freaked out and never went back :-(

[BlueInanna]

Oh, icky, gotta have a mood stabilizer with an anti-depressant usually. if you could somehow get to a doc it might help. i really feel for you with 8 kids and school, wow - my hero, lady!

[MommaR]

Originally Posted by BlueInanna

Oh, icky, gotta have a mood stabilizer with an anti-depressant usually. if you could somehow get to a doc it might help. i really feel for you with 8 kids and school, wow - my hero, lady!

Aww, ty, honey...
What does a "mood stablizer" do exactly? I mean besides the obvious part in the name lol. How does it make you feel? What are some example, name-wise?

[BlueInanna]

i'm on good ole lithium (lol) for about 8 months now, I also take welbutrin as an anti-depressant, clonopins for anxiety... the whole mix usually makes me feel pretty good.

some other popular mood stabilizers are abilify and lamictal (i hated both of those, but most people like them it seems), geodon, trileptal (i havent tried those2)

[Blue Poppy]

I like the hypomania as I turn into superwoman and am very functional. However, I get this very infrequently. My lows are much more common and severe, so it is just not worth it for me to experience hypomania. But I sure miss it!

[MommaR]

I am manic more often than depressed. But when I hit the depression I get it so so BAD! Like, I had a plan over the summer, had all needed items to kill myself and had set a time that day to go do it- and I cant tall u over what for the life of me! I even told my family goodbye. I wonder why they love me sometimes

[BlueInanna]

Originally Posted by MommaR

I am manic more often than depressed. But when I hit the depression I get it so so BAD! Like, I had a plan over the summer, had all needed items to kill myself and had set a time that day to go do it- and I cant tall u over what for the life of me! I even told my family goodbye. I wonder why they love me sometimes

I'm glad you made it through - those times are very scary. Were you on the zoloft at the time? I go into manic episodes from anti-depressants alone. My doctor told me that lithium was very efffective against suicidal thoughts especially, studies have been done showing people living in areas with naturally occurring lithium in the water have lower suicide rates and report feeling pretty good. And there are risks like toxicity so you're supposed to get your blood levels checked, which I still havent done, but will be in trouble with her if I don't do it soon. Most other mood stabilizers do not require blood level checking, as far as I know.

[Victoria'smom]

How does your Dr. let you have manageable highs?

My mood swings are a lot less then I normally have and not as violent. I'm under-medicated and have all control over my medication but put a lot of weight on his suggestion. However, if I am put into inpatient my pdoc has all control over my medication.

With all this I have several "requirements". I have to take all my medication. I will be put into inpatient and on lithium if I do not take my medication. I have a detailed mood chart I have to keep and turn in every 3-4 days to my T. I have Therapy every 10-14 days, and Pdoc 1x a month now. My husband has therapy the between my appointments. Our son has therapy some time between our appointments if possible. On top of that we have monthly gp appointments there. 3x a week fitness group through our GP. We also have a weekly appointment w. a dietitian that also takes our Blood Presser, bmi, body fat %, and our weight. All our GP's, dietitian, trainers, therapists and pdoc keep an eye on all of us. As I write this I realize we're pretty much in out patient as a family. We're usually in the building Monday-Saturday at some point excluding Wendsday. If I cancel it's re-scheduled for the closes wednesday.

With my history and how my husband and I interact, our doctors seem to trust us more. Neither myself or my husband have any problem calling each others doctors and therapists. We're good at calming each other and convincing the other to take melitonin if 'things aren't right', so that we can call the others pdoc / T without having to keep all eyes on the other person.

I think the main thing is that my pdoc wants me to stay on medication. Anything to get me to comply pdoc is happy with. I have never really been non-compliant with him but he has my T note, my full un-edited mental health history, my old pdoc notes, all my family's drs. notes. Each of our pdoc's have access to all the others family members notes. All 12 doctors have a complete picture of our family to help each of us.

[MommaR]

I was on no meds at the time. I am on xanax now- which I dont think is really a standard treatment for bp but the good thing about it is I can just take it prn, so I completely control my medication. As long as I am having positive mania- energy, excitement, following thru on stuff I have put off forever, playing w the kids, etc or if I am experiencing something between the two- I dont take them at all. But if my mania is manifesting in bad ways- anger, over-impulsiveness, stress-crisis etc I take them but my husband makes me stay at home bc I have found I A- cant drive for **** on em B- dont remember a lot the next day C- it actually seems to lower my inhibitions which is double-jeopardy if it doesnt immediately attack my over-impulsiveness. I also take them now for the lows, which, as I stated b4 are infrequent but VERY bad- to the pt of suicidal. I also take them when the insomnia/ nightmare seasons get to be more than I can handle. Took one earlier and had a nice, nightmare-free nap! But since my hubby wont let me leave home on them (unless he is with me- I aint even jokin- this man babies my butt off) there are times I prolly need one but bc I have to drive to school (about 30 miles away) or go somewhere else, I cant take them. But since the dr. let me start using them this way, I have not had anymore serious thoughts of suicide.

Interesting that the anti-d took all your mania away. I am the exact opposite, ad's make me so manic it's not even funny.

You might do a lot better with a mood stabilizer like was mentioned. Ad's can really flat line people and I think that's what you were saying. I still had highs and lows like Blue had said, on stabilizers, just a lot less intense, at least the depression part. How long were you on zoloft, sorry if you said and I missed it?

Do you want meds, or your husband wants you on meds? How are you coping without besides the xanax? Sorry not trying to be nosey, I'm just trying to get a better picture. I hear you, I don't like meds either.

[MommaR]

My husband would never ask me to get on meds since he knows I hate losing my "highs" but when I do things like scream at my kids (not undisevered but definitely UNDER disserve or do something impulsive that causes me big problems- I am very vindictive sometimes when I hit certain manic phases- he goes behind me cleaning up my messes. When I say he babies me I an truly not exaggerating. So while he never says he wants me on meds, I aint stupid, I know life without "clean-up duty" would be easier and more pleasant for him.

I was on Zoloft for about 5 months.

5 monthes is a fair shot at it I think.

I know you said you don't have time for therapy and stuff right now. Completely understand that with so much other stuff you got going on. What about learning this stuff on your own? I know its probabaly easier with a T, but if you want I can send you some good links to check out.

Mania is a really tricky one to get a handle on, I find that harder than the depression. I tried a lot of meds, lithium was ok, still got the highs, and some lows. However, once I started lithium, no more euphoria, just the bad mania. Not very desirable. But other people have a lot of sucess with it, there are lots of options with meds, if you want to give them a try. If you don't there is still a ton of options to help you out.

[MommaR]

I actually looked up the info on the school's counseling center- they even offer a psychiatric counseling w/ 3rd yr psych dr students from the university's college of med. Its not free like the therapy is but its much cheaper than private sessions. I have a long break in classes on Mon. and since I dont wanna waste money driving home, then back, I just sit around school and study but Im gonna call Mon and make an appt. You guys have inspired me :-) But by all means, send me some links!

Yay!!! Well that is awesome about the school and that you have a bit of time to fit it in!

I had a counselor for a long time, she was great. I hope this will work out for you.

Ok will do, I'll pm you some stuff tomorrow. Have a good night!