[KenzyLynnsmom18]

Hi all, I am new here. I have been court ordered to take a mental health evaulation and then comply with whatever is asked of me there as a result of a custody battle. Thing is that I think and have had many people agree that I may be bipolar. So now I am very nervous about having the evaluation done. I am not sure what to expect or anything of that sort. If anyone could give me some background about the evaluations I would greatly appreciate that. I have read many books regarding bipolar disorder and have noticed a pattern in my moods and such. Funny thing is that a few of my exes including my daughters father are bipolar and I spent so muh time reflecting on what they were going through that I had simply stopped paying attention to the way that I was feeling and interacting with the world until it got so out of handed that my marriage was a result. I guess that sort of gives an insight but I am just really nervous about this evaluation and such.
Thanks,
Alicia

[niko851]

<font color="#00088">Hi Alicia -

First, welcome to the group... You are FAR from alone and certainly not the 'last' person to be stricken with this wonderful Disorder... We're here for you

Second, and while it is unfortunate that the courts have ordered this, it may be a blessing in disguise for the reasons you already mentioned. My father's side are all BP's and lo and behold, so am I. Despite this being something in your family - well, non-blood related, none of us can figure out for you - only a P-Doc (acronym for Psychiatrist) can and again, may be in your best interests and it certainly won't hurt. It may HELP your case...

As far as evaluations, chances are you'll be seeing a licensed counselor and Therapist before ever seeing the P-doc. They are only around for getting their RX pads and pens out (Least that is my opinino but most of us share that - LOL). It would be foolish of me to tell you to not be nervous, however I will say to just relax, be honest, and do not hide things when you go. Anything but the truth can be damaging.

Being Bi-Polar makes one go from one extreme to another, i.e. a 'high' to an eventual 'low'. You read books, so you're pretty savvy, I'm sure. When I was diagnosed in my late late teens (I'm 28 now), I tried my damnest to lie, cheat, etc. through EVERY evaluation. I denied every behaviour that my parent(s) and/or grandparents presented. But [foolish] me denied so many real things it was evident I was attemtping to hide my 'true self'.

Now, I'm an open book. I'm no longer afraid to announce "Hey I have a disease" just like someone who has cancer, heart disease, etc. It may be all upstairs, but again, you may have a disease. Do not be ashamed of this fact and do not let this disturb you in re: Custody. I would hope/pray and through previous experiences (especially my parents and 2 of my close ex-friends) that the courts would do nothing more than mandate ongoing treatments should a BP diagnosis occur. IT is a treatable disease; however it is a difficult one.

I've been through MANY different medication cocktails (aother term we use in here for the medication regimens for the amount of pills some of us have to take), only to find that the ones that 'zombie' me are the ones that work. Since you really didn't post anything about your behaviours, it is difficult to get a feeling for what, if anything, you are dealing with. Nonetheless, I responded well to the latest ones, Seroquel (anti-psychotic), Depakote ER, and my favourite, Xanax. And NO, the Xanax is not bcuz of what you think (LOL); it is bcuz it WORKS and I do not have all the symptoms of anxiety - or at least to the extremes that I do - with that med. The seroquel literally knocks me out except when I am in a manic state.

Manic states can be dangerous; you could end up in a lot of trouble. Personally, I went through $70K by taking a 2nd mortgage on my house, to fix it up and remodel, and ended up spending $20K of it on Lord knows what. I was king of the world during the manic states and nothing/no one could get in my way. I had no cares in the world for what people thought, however I was paranoid everyone was out to get me. I couldn't be trusted alone or in a car; when alone, I'd start making 'projects' for myself (I'm a mechanical engineer - well, used to be) that I knew I could finish then, but as I'd come out of the manic state, I would say "now what the hell am I doing"? Lack/Loss of concentration is another fun one.. You end up being so 'wound up' that you can't remember one minute from the next nor what you are doing nor when.. (Now, if you read that carefully and quickly, now that I have paused for a moment, you'll see how I kept "going" with that bcuz of the words being similar/close together. This is indicative that I am more than likely in a manic or hypomanic state bcuz the more I try to write for you, the more thoughts start flying through and I don't have time to get it out).

Then you get in the good ol' LOWS and I mean LOW... I won't leave the house (well, I have trouble w/that anyway due to panic disorder and agorophobia), I won't get out of my bed, I won't even take a shower until I am screamed at. It is a MAJOR depression, most likely due to the HUGE lack of sleep due to a manic/hypomanic episode, and all I feel like doing is dying, calling it quits, and hoping to never wake up...

When I stopped treatments, mostly due to $$ and the fact I capped on my insurace, I no longer had my meds. I was a loose cannon for years, up until I got another job (yes, I lost many and I also lost my business of 5 years - had my own HVAC/Maintenance Co. but ran that into the ground bcuz of this) for all of 1 1/2 months and got ins. and got to a P-doc. I lost that job bcuz of attendance (you will find similar stories about employment as well), I'm now on Short-Term Disability, and will (HOPEFULLY) get my SSA. I'm not holding my breath, but who knows... Anyway, I also had my house foreclosed upon bcuz I kept spending and spending, then wondering why the hell my credit cards and/or bank accounts were out of control, and had no clue where/why all the withdrawls and cash-advances occurred. I'd figure these out in a depressed state and that would just add to the already horrible thoughts during a depressive state.

Now, this is just my own personal story/words and please don't take this as gospel for all. We're all different and we all act and re-act differently. The only way to find out is to go through the eval. I hope this gave you some insight as to what a day or few days in my life is and I do hope for the best for you.

Remember, we are here, please feel free to speak your mind ANYTIME you want, and trust me, we will be here and listen. Take care ~ Niko </font>

[MartheH]

Kenzy...welcome to you. Try not to worry about the evaluation. It is most likely to be a series of questions about your moods and behaviours. Be as honest as you are able to be. Trying to hide something because of the custody battle issue is not a good idea. It could keep you from getting the proper diagnosis and there fore the right help. And the right help will make you a much better mom. If you try to fudge the tests it can be noticed and interpreted as resistance to getting the help you really need which wuold make getting custody harder. If you are now in a custody battle it is likely that life has been pretty stressful in the recent past...stress makes bipolar symptoms flare so the good news is ...as you get through this and get treatment ,it is very likely that you will be on the road to a greatly improved life, even though it may not feel that way right now. If you do not imeediately have custody...try not to beat yourself up aboput it...and take this time as an opportunity to heal and get better while looking forward to being a great Mom. You r ability to parent will be very much enhanced by proper treatment if you are bi-polar. Different people have different experiences of the manic state. Spending was not a huge feature of mine...but I would be very agitated, irritable and prone to rages if provoked in anyway during this phase. the rages were completely out of proportion to anything really going on once I was honest about it. Getting that behaviour out of my life was ofcourse very important to how I dealt with my kids as well as everyone else. My treatment has included medications, counseling and learning how to relax when I am under stress by taking care of myself in various ways...meditating,walking, or what ever works personally for you... yoga whatever. The outcomes of treatment are much better for people who take counseling as well as meds so if it is offered be sure to take it. If the first counselor is not a good fit with you...try another and another until you find one that you can build a good patient/counselor relationship with. Good luck and hope to hear form you again. MartheH