[BNLsMOM]

That is the "weird" I am feeling. Like I need to do something NOW. But I don't want to do anything, so I am sitting here watching Lifetime movies and waiting for it to be time to get my son from school.

I feel like I have had 12 cups of coffee, though I haven't had any since yesterday and even then I had just a shot of espresso in a coffee drink.

I am frustrated because my husband fell out of love with me when I was sick and hasn't fallen back in love with me. If I get sick again, he won't be there to be supportive because it stresses him out too much. He is great at the logistics when I am sick, but he isn't too great with the tenderness, which is what I need. Just hold me and say it's going to be OK.

I am fat now so I am unattractive to him. I have a pretty face, I think and I like to think I am a good and loving person, but apparently, I have been a monster to him for years.

I asked him a couple of weeks ago if he would renew his vows and he rejected me. Then he asked me. I feel better when I look at apartments online and dream of a life by myself. I know I am getting sick when I think that the kids would be better off without me. I know I would lose them in a divorce situation. Without a doubt, a mentally ill, disabled woman on her second divorce, no job and no real home if I left...I'd never get the kids.

I am lonely, I want to stay, but I feel trapped. I want to make it work, but I want to be free. I guess I just have to sit here and take it like I have been. I need life and I want to hide from it all. I want to do something crazy but I don't want to get in trouble.

I am agitated.

Talk me down, peeps.

[treehugger727]

Breathe, baby, breathe. Sounds like you have a whole lot on your plate at the moment. I am not always good at advice but I am here if you need to vent or want more support. It hurts my heart that your relationship is this way right now. You seem confused and hurt, feeling trapped is terrible. I hope that you can find some peace somehow today.

Agitation is a big brat. DO you think you could try to channel that energy into doing something for yourself? Take a walk or go stand in the sun. When its not too cold, I like to go outside, barefoot, and try to take deep, grounded breaths. I swear that I can feel a transformation take place when I do this. I do not know if it is mindfulness or just appreciating something simple like connecting with the Earth. Anyway, it's free, non-invasive, and may be a little pick-me-up.
http://wakeup-world.com/2012/05/14/t...ding-earthing/
...if you're interested in the science behind it.

Hope you feel better.

[BNLsMOM]

Thanks, Tree. Confused is one way to put it...

I'll try breathing and being outside. It looks beautiful out there today.

I think I am actually shaking. I feel like letting myself out of my skin...

[BNLsMOM]

When I drove to get my son from school, I felt drunk and I was hoping to get pulled over. Once I had him in the car I felt calmer, but still shaky. I hate this crap.

[BlueInanna]

Yes, what Tree says (probably what any tree would say to us if they could speak!)

Breathe, baby, breathe...

I'm so agitated too lately, but it comes in waves. and then i can't focus or wrap my head around anything, i will sit there not moving, staring, staring at i don't even know what. sometimes i'm staring at the tv that isn't even on.... so really all i can manage to do at these times is breathe... barely... i think you know what i mean. maybe you already know some good breathing techniques, but a good one is breathe in for a count to 4, hold for a count to 4, let out breath for a count to 4 (count in your mind - obviously).

sounds like there's more of wanting to work it out with your man, than wanting to leave. if that's the case, sounds like there's hope. maybe you guys have a pattern or habit, like a dance, of push and pull.
or maybe you really do want to leave, and maybe that would be best for you, but when he rejects you, it makes you want him again? i know how hard it is deciding what you want, what's right for you, for your child.

[BipolaRNurse]

Agitated here, too. Agitated, anxious, tired, and PISSED!! Yesterday I would gladly have thrown a steak knife at anyone who dared to look at me sideways, today is better but only because it's my wedding anniversary and I'm taking four days off work. I swear, it's got to be the change of seasons......the latter part of July and all of August were smooth sailing, but Labor Day weekend I felt the tide turn and it's been downhill ever since.

Originally Posted by BNLsMOM

That is the "weird" I am feeling. Like I need to do something NOW. But I don't want to do anything, so I am sitting here watching Lifetime movies and waiting for it to be time to get my son from school.

I feel like I have had 12 cups of coffee, though I haven't had any since yesterday and even then I had just a shot of espresso in a coffee drink.

I am frustrated because my husband fell out of love with me when I was sick and hasn't fallen back in love with me. If I get sick again, he won't be there to be supportive because it stresses him out too much. He is great at the logistics when I am sick, but he isn't too great with the tenderness, which is what I need. Just hold me and say it's going to be OK.

I am fat now so I am unattractive to him. I have a pretty face, I think and I like to think I am a good and loving person, but apparently, I have been a monster to him for years.

I asked him a couple of weeks ago if he would renew his vows and he rejected me. Then he asked me. I feel better when I look at apartments online and dream of a life by myself. I know I am getting sick when I think that the kids would be better off without me. I know I would lose them in a divorce situation. Without a doubt, a mentally ill, disabled woman on her second divorce, no job and no real home if I left...I'd never get the kids.

I am lonely, I want to stay, but I feel trapped. I want to make it work, but I want to be free. I guess I just have to sit here and take it like I have been. I need life and I want to hide from it all. I want to do something crazy but I don't want to get in trouble.

I am agitated.

Talk me down, peeps.

Sorry I don't have much advice but I do relate from everything to the agitation (which I'm currently experiencing also) to the hubby issues and just wanting a little tenderness. Most times, a little love goes a long way. I sure hope you feel better soon!

[BNLsMOM]

Not as severe as yesterday, but still hurtin'. I also went to bed early and never woke up for my meds. Doesn't help. I want to go to bed. Life is easier when I sleep.

My son is going through something too and I wish I could help him. He is sad and worried. He'll talk to me, but I don't have the answers. He sees his T on the 8th.

I am going to try to get some organizing done today. My mom is coming over to help.

[Passion222]

I understand the agitation. So frustrating. Sounds like your marriage has you frustrated and its wearing you down. I agree to breathe. You can get through this. I also spend many days doing nothing when I want to do 15 things at once. Take a little time for yourself. Meditate. Read positive thing online. Quotes help me alot for some reason. And you have us supporting you Lots of hugs!!!!