[gatorgirl1980]

Background: My partner of three years is diagnosed bipolar. He is not taking meds at this time. He has been doing well being able to work through the mood swings. He is not working and hasn't been approved for disability. This includes no health care.

It seems like when he gets stung by an insect or gets a cold or any other physical problem, it results in his becoming withdrawn. He gets distant and/or pissy towards me--then thinks that I am being distant when I avoid him because of his mood. I realize that many people become emotionally down when they feel sick. It just seems to affect him more dramatically than other people. It results in him pushing me away, then thinking that I'm the one with the problem (?).

Do you find it common for someone who is bipolar to have this reaction to a physical illness or physical problem? The pattern seems the same with him.

Yeah, it doesn't seem so outrageous to me. Will he consider seeing someone for this?

[Clinte89]

I would agree not outrageous I know when I get sick I pull back from everything so it souds pretty legit. I just don't accuse people of being distant.

[faerie_moon_x]

When I get sick I get more angry than distant. Mostly because I know even when I'm sick I can't stop and just relax and recover. I always have to go 100% even when I'm not...

I don't accuse other people of being distant, though.

i've never actually become distant when i've felt sick

hmm

[OutlawedSpirit]

I've done the same thing your partner has. There is more to it, I think, than just him accusing you of not caring. I know it is childish, but when I pull away, I want someone to "follow". It's sort of the mentality that if you care about me, when I pull away you should try to pull me back. If you don't, you just don't care. I'm not saying you don't care, I'm just saying that is the thought process behind it. Like I said, I know it's childish, but I do it myself.

[Anika.]

Sounds like that to me too Outlawed Spirit, and I am not sure it is childish, there is a push pull dynamic in relationships a lot of time. Sometimes it might be born of insecurity, maybe that with not knowing how or not feeling able to directly ask for what you need.

Asking for what you need can be hard, especially when depressed, and insecurities can heighten. So watching to see if you pull him back is his way of trying to meet his need and get reassurance from you. Of course if this is the case then if he could learn to say "hey I am need a little reassurance from you, cause I am not feeling good" or whatever would be a better way then doing this push pull dance. If that is the case.

I see this in my own relationship to, but we are both learning how to communicate better to avoid these situations. Him and I actually both do the push pull thing when we a not feeling good.

[OutlawedSpirit]

Originally Posted by Anika.

Sounds like that to me too Outlawed Spirit, and I am not sure it is childish, there is a push pull dynamic in relationships a lot of time. Sometimes it might be born of insecurity, maybe that with not knowing how or not feeling able to directly ask for what you need.

Asking for what you need can be hard, especially when depressed, and insecurities can heighten. So watching to see if you pull him back is his way of trying to meet his need and get reassurance from you. Of course if this is the case then if he could learn to say "hey I am need a little reassurance from you, cause I am not feeling good" or whatever would be a better way then doing this push pull dance. If that is the case.

I see this in my own relationship to, but we are both learning how to communicate better to avoid these situations. Him and I actually both do the push pull thing when we a not feeling good.

Reading your post made me think of it, but there is a quote that I happen to like that I think sums it up pretty well "Sometimes we run away just to see who cares enough to follow"

[Anika.]

Very true I think

[BlackPup]

Whenever I used to get even the slightest bit sick my mood would drop dramatically. I think its easier for our insecurities to bother us when we are down than normally so while I don't remember being more needy I probably was.