Hurtful comment about people with bipolar

Hi everyone,

I am feeling pretty bad right now. I am really hurt and mad at something someone said, and I don't want to have to keep holding onto it. I wanted to get it out.

So, basically, I was in a small group discussion at school, where we were supposed to be talking about eugenics (a movement encouraging "good" people to reproduce and "defective" people not to, or forbidding them to). Anyway, someone brought up bipolar and how there were a traits of bipolar that people wouldn't necessarily want to pass on to their kids. So, this woman said something like, "Why would people who are bipolar want to have kids when they could adopt?"

I was so upset. I couldn't believe she said that, especially in the context of selective breeding that oppressed many mentally ill people in the past (they were sometimes forced to have medical procedures done so they couldn't have kids).

I don't like being told, or for people to imply, that the lives of people with bipolar aren't worth having. To strongly imply that bipolar people shouldn't have kids in case their kids turned out to be bipolar is like saying the lives of bipolar people aren't worth living, or that bipolar people are sub-par in some way.

This person knew I was bipolar when she said it. She said she said it even with that in mind. This is someone who I was friendly with and have been for three years.

I feel so angry and hurt.

All your interpretations are correct. To say what she said is to imply that our lives are not worth living or that the world would have been a better place without us. You are 100% entitled to feeling anger and hurt.

I agree that's very hurtful, and I would have lashed out a her for that because that's just uncalled for its what makes he stigma grow against us. I've heard people even my parents talk about bipolar in negative ways they are like they are better than me for some reason. I agree you have a right to be angry and hurt because that is very hurtfull thin to say and it's even more messed up that a friend of yours would say that. Ugh I hate people sometimes.

I think the whole idea of eugenics is preposterous myself. I mean, mental illness is something that can be pointed out easily, but give me any person, and following the theory that people with bad traits should be "bred out" and I'll give you a reason they shouldn't reproduce. You're too tall, You're too short, You have bad vision, You are hearing impaired, Your skin isn't a good complexion. The list can go on and on.

While I think that you have a right to be angry, especially since it seems she was targeting you, I wouldn't let it bother you too much. I'm sure you could find a reason that she should be removed from the gene pool as well. Maybe you could make a list of her personal defects. It could help you cope a little better. And please don't actually give her the list, that could start something you don't want, but look at it as an unsent letter. Just something for you to use to help vent.

That's crappy, especially coming from someone you'd consider a friend. Bipolar people make plenty of great contributions to society, Emily Dickinson was bipolar. In the eyes of an elitist jackass, bipolar may not be desirable. For those who have it though, we get to travel to places a "normy" will never see the beauty of.

Wow, I would feel very hurt as well. People are so insensitive. And I agree it only adds to the stigma...

I would say ignore it if she wasn't someone you consider a friend. But since you do I say confront her. Tell her it hurt you and ask why she would say that. It may turn out she's not your friend after all, but in this instance I think it's worth standing up to her and telling her how it made you feel.

Thank you all so much for your support! It was so validating to read. I feel a lot better just knowing that I was heard and that other people also think it was a horrible comment to make.

I guess there would be no people left if we just sterilized everyone who had defective genes. Cancer, epilepsy, diabetes, autoimmune diseases.... Well the planet might be saved.

It actually says a lot more about her than it does about you or anyone with bipolar. However like Dark Heart, I would also confront her, and let her know that it hurt. Just try not to take it to heart.

My aunt was sterilized when she was 16, she was "mentally handicapped" . It's a tradgedy that these things ever took place. Whether or not my aunt should have had children should not have been a choice imposed on her by the government when she was a teen. She was also entilted I believe to have her overies in tact. Anyone can have a baby born with " defectiveness". I hope she realizes this before she has children of her own.

Ad Infinitum

This living, this living, this living..was always a project of mine

I am in complete agreement with you all. I should mention that the conversation in general was NOT promoting selective reproduction. We were talking about it from a historical perspective. Her comment was from her current perspective though. :/

She just showed you that she is completely ignorant. I would definately call her out on that. You will feel much better. I dont believe thats something you can just sweep under the rug. She knew and told you she knew, and intentionally said what she said and hurt you. I wouldnt go in bouncing around ready to fight, I would just be very mature and simply tell her that was wrong and you dont appreciate it.
I also am a very firm believer in carma. She needs to watch what she says and who she judges. She isnt in the clear of never getting MI. She could wake up in a very deep depression tomorrow or wake up in a manic episode. What would she have to say about it then? Or if she had a child born with a birth defect or MI????

wtf? people are still discussing eugenics seriously? did we learn nothing from the holocaust? did we not as a world decide it was grossly inhumane to put mentally ill people including children to death via purposeful starvation among the other atrocities?

i think this woman just did you a favor and showed you she is not to be trusted. i know it hurts, but better you know who your friends are.

sorry this happened to you. she's full of ********.

Perhaps this is minor in light of the larger, more offensive parts of her statements, but I also take issue with the idea of, "just adopt". Does she have any idea of how hard that has become? It is expensive and may involve many years of heartbreak. Not to mention that a bipolar dx may make you ineligible! There was a news story a while back saying that Chinese orphanages are thinking of preventing people who are overweight from adopting. Seriously? Many good potential parents are kept from adoption and it makes me very sad. Honestly, due to the toll that minimizing my meds has taken on me, I would absolutely be happy to adopt. But, realistically, I don't have the money and I know I would face discrimination for BP, so I am going to have to attempt to grow my own, so to speak.

EJ

I am completely ticked off for you- as well as for all of us here- Dancing Girl! I have 8 children myself- the loves of my life- and only one of them displays any signs of BP. And even tho I am pretty sure my oldest daughter may one day be diagnosed, I would never question my decision to have her! She is a wonderful, loving, amazing, talented child and her BP will not define who she is or what she can accomplish bc I will not let STOOPID comments like the one this woman made effect her self-image!

You guys are wonderful. I am getting so much support and you don't even know me. It feels good knowing you guys understand where I am coming from and believe that she was wrong.

I did end up sending her a calm, professional email expressing my feelings. She emailed back and said she was sorry she hurt my feelings. I accidentally pressed her button when I tried to call a friend very close to her name in my phone, so I hung up without leaving a message on her voicemail. She called back and sounded very cool/cold. She obviously was not sorry that she said what she did. She never said she was. She said she was sorry she hurt my feelings in a very short, to the point email. I hoped she meant it until I heard the coolness in her voice.

I guess she's a different person than I ever thought she was. Three YEARS of knowing her and it comes down to that.

I am tired of people making judgments about people with bipolar.

She was rude and way out of line.

Here is a list of famous people who have bipolar. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of...polar_disorder I am not familiar with all of them but there are many I know and applaud their success despite having bipolar. I'd be just pissy enough to print the list and present it to her in class but I'm just that way.

And there are other people with other mental illnesses who have been very successful despite mental illness. John Nash, a Nobel Laureate in Economics, has schizophrenia. The movie, A Beautiful Mind, was based on his incredible life. (And won four Academy awards; I highly recommend it).

How would this woman feel if one of her Dr's or Dentists or god forbid a surgeon that had to operate on her one day wasn't there because of her naive stupid comment?!? Maybe she should shut her suck and do a little research! There are many MANY famous people, Dr's, physicians, lawyers etc. that are bipolar duhhh what an idiot! Hope she never encounters MI in her family, she would be a horrible horrible bitter person to have in your life. Grosses me out honestly when people clearly don't know what they are talking about and are assuming people with mental illness are incapable or something.

Right around the time of, and before, I was diagnosed Bipolar, I lost three very close friends---friends I truly thought had my back and would forever. Mostly because I'm Bipolar/OCD and they "couldn't handle" it. Talk about shock; I thought I knew them as well. My trust towards others has gone down even more.

Sometime we see peoples colours in ways we didn't dream of, and it can be shocking. Thing is tho, a lot of people don't think clearly. They don't understand, and they don't want to, or don't have to. Close minded, and I would kind of think that is a bit of a mental problem itself. It's not a healthy mindset. Doesn't make them bad people, we all make judgements that are not always sound.

There are lots of people in the world tho, who do not share those opinions, we sometimes think there must not be many of them, but there is. We just don't see it maybe because they are making a lot of noise.

I am sorry that she responded in such a way. It's not fun realizing someone you thought you knew and were friends with turns out to be not who we thought. I do think you did the right thing by letting her know, it was honest. And at least you know you tried and did what you could. When people have closed the door on something, sadly the only person who can open it is them.

Sometimes you gotta wonder what happened to some people to make them so cold..

Ad Infinitum

This living, this living, this living..was always a project of mine

I have lost many, many people in my life. Not to my diagnosis but just because people are often a lot more shallow than they preceive themselves to be. I call those people "box people" because they put you into a little box with a label on it, and if you stray away from it, then they are no longer your friend.

It's hard to learn these things about people.

Well, I could see myself saying the same thing and probably have.

Sometimes I like saying comments for shock value and sometimes I'm serious.

I've even been caught expressing annoyance because eugenics was thrown out after the Nazis, equating eugenics to the halocaust is bad logic.

Of course, I seem to lack the quality that has most humans tripping over their emotions, distracted and confused. Not to say I don't but, I don't get stuck there and certainly not long enough to reproduce!

I'm sorry you were bothered by this woman's comments and you're right, she probably was an ignorant person but, there are some truths to consider there...

I don't think anyone should be purposely having children and find the idea both distasteful and immoral but, in my own case bipolar definitely is another point to the not having children side in the tally and I don't even buy into the diagnosis, or at least I don't think the extremes are beyond "normal human experience". That I get to experience these extremes relatively frequently and seemingly at random teaches me how little meaning there is in it.

The "human condition" is horrid and this truth is too difficult for many to be aware of let alone accept. People distract themselves and sometimes choosing to have children is part of that. On some level I consider my "bipolar disorder" a natural result of being a thinking human.