Currently, im lost on how to do this effectively. Making my life work, that is. Everyone says go see a counselor, get on med's. Yet, to date I have done both of these in the past. Neither one of them working for me however. Ive been to a few counselors over the years from back when I was 17. Been on a few different meds, none of them working. The last counselor I saw wouldnt address anything but my anxiety, and i concluded he wasnt taking me seriously so I lost all hope for the so called "proffesionals" and their lil "magic pill".
I am a rapid cycling bipolar, which can be extremely draining at times. Having your emotions and moods fluxuate from good to bad 20 to 30 times in one day, its a wonder im still sane. I havent been to see a counselor in over 2yrs now.
Ive spent many years, ever since I noticed that ppl didnt like me back in school cause i was different, trying to do things so I would be excepted instead of hated. Ive lost that battle more than I won it however. Since my school days, I have learned to keep my disorder to myself, even to isolating myself away from family and friends so they wouldnt see, or have to deal with me at my worst. Never works out the way I want it to at certain times tho.
None of my family and friends wants to deal with my disorder. My dad is patient, yet, I can see it not only in his face, but also his mannerism's that he is frustrated with me. Other then working for him in his business, I cant seem to hold a job for very long. 3 to 4 months, 5 if I push it. Only reason Ive worked for my dad for so long is cause his re-hired me after firing me lots of times. Now days, I feel as if his altogether given up on me, not to mention I can tell his dissapointed in me.
Getting off the subject there, anyways, I cant handle being around ppl for long periods of time due to my disorders. Ive wanted to go back to school to learn something for a new career. Altho I dont really consider working in a bar a career. I just know that after working in the bar industry after 19yrs, Im overly done with it. I want out, yet, due to my bipolar I cant just up and change jobs. I have to find something that will work for me within' my ability. I can say that its almost a full time job just dealing with my emotions and moods changing constantly on a daily basis. I do have good days, yet they are very few far inbetween.
Ive recently learned that most individuals with bipolar alone have a hard time keeping a job, which makes my stress level sore cause I know I need out of this job, yet, if I work for someone else, Im almost certainly garenteed to be fired, or let go after 4months. Or, I will be forced to quit due to not being able to handle the work, or the people around me. I know this paints a terrible picture of me, yet Im not a bad person, my disorder does make things a bit complicated tho. I know I should go see a counselor, just havent mustered up enough gumpsion to go back to one yet. What does someone in this situation do? Cause I am completely lost. If anyone has any helpful advice, I would certainly appreciate it.

[catrules]

Have you been to see a psychiatrist about your symptoms lately? Sometimes it takes forever to find the right doctor or therapist, and the right med combination can take even longer. I know that it can be frustrating, it took me a long time, but I am much better now that I have a good team to work with.

[Anneinside]

Yes, a psychologist and a psychiatrist. Also, I might add a guidance counselor to help you find out what you can and want to do as a career. If you have a goal in mind it will help you move toward it.

[allme]

Hi

I often ask myself the same question. And I know how frustrating and exhausting it is but what I am also learning is that we are somewhat a 'work in progress'. Just keep chugging! I don't have any answers for you but I do know that keeping optimistic (however hard at times!) and seeking out treatment is all we can do and then hopefully find a line of treatment that makes life easier. But don't lose hope! I was speaking with my CPN and she told me she visits other ppl with bipolar that are able to hold down a job and lead a reasonable 'normal' life! I am not in work by the way.....but I have hope I will return when ready

[Phoenix_1]

Hi BlueCasper - welcome to the forum.

Like you I've had many jobs. For the past 6 years I've been very consistently getting fired after 3-6 months. The longest I've ever been employed at one place is 5 years, and that was 20 years ago. I was being treated for unipolar depression, and the citalopam (celexa) I was taking since Nov. 2005 sure didn't help my mood swings. I just realized I was BP II and got diagnosed June 30, and am now on a mood stabilizer, anti-psychotic, and 2 others. I really hope to get back to work soon, have been off since Easter.

The agent at Service Canada told me about her nephew who is BP, on scholarships, and ready to graduate university in April. Stories like that give me hope that with the right meds I can achieve things too.

The key is to find a good doctor and a good therapist, and I think I have a good team now to help me. I hope you can find someone to help you too.

Just a little update to my situation. Not much as changed however. As of last month I found a counselor. Not that I can continue to afford to go see him as much as I need to however. He wanted me to take a 600 question psych test, which I did and has officially diagnosed me with Rapid Cycling Bipolar w/ Psychotic tendencies. Along w/ PTSD.

I actually went into his office with the hope that he would be able to help me, or line me out on something I could do within' my ability to work. I am due to loose my job soon, although its not confirmed when that actually will happen, I just know that I wont be employed all winter long in my current job. Yet, he hasnt mentioned anything as far as any idea's on what I can do within my ability to work. He just wants to address the issues

I have been attempting to find something, anything in which I can get into for a career to support myself. So Im not longer a burden on others. And while I have continued to try to find something for the last six years. I have only found a couple idea's. Yet, I have no idea if they are viable options. What I mean is, once I get done with schooling (online schooling mind you, as I wouldnt be able to handle being in a class room with other people) would someone be able to make a steady income w/ regular hours to support one self w/ a illness such as rapid cycling bipolar.

Those options are one out of three options. 1.) Something to do with Computers (as long as its not involving being around lots of people),
2.) Photography, or 3.) Writing of some sort. I do like all three options, I just really need to find one that will work for someone who really needs to support themselves. Dont mean to keep repeating that, its just its very important to me to be able to be independent rather than co-dependent on others like I have been. Anyways, the search continues. Wish me luck.

[Trippin2.0]

Unless you are planning to be self-employed, I strongly believe you should work on the 'I cant be around people' issue. Having that on your therapy to do list will be highly beneficial for you, as they can teach you the skills you need to handle people in the work place. I work fullltime, colleagues are the people I spend the most time with, so can only imagine not being able to 'handle' that. glad you are taking steps toward a better quality of life.

[katgalaxy8606]

BlueCasper, it's nice to meet you. Your situation sounds similar to mine. I often ask myself the same thing, how do I make this all work? I'm in my early 20's, have graduated college with a Bachelor's Degree, and currently work about 30-35 hours a week, but that's all I can handle right now. I'm lucky I have my husband there to help make up for the hours I don't work. I've been in this job for 8 months and it's going well although I have intense anxiety surrounding work, almost every day. I get physical anxiety symptoms and I really dislike being around people in the workplace, as I know you mentioned as well. I just don't like being around people most of the day and I have extreme stress issues surrounding work. My doctor has told me to work less or not at all, but that's not an option for me right now. My husband got his overtime cut, and my student loans kicked in. So I definitely, definitely need to work those 30 hours. I'm trying my best, but I hope that one day I won't have to go through the anxiety of work anymore. Some people might see that as weak but I don't care, I know what I need.

I am currently on two medications for Bipolar I, and I am a rapid cycler, although not cycling as rapidly as you are currently, which worries me about you. I probably have a few mood swings per day. And that's what's frustrating for me, because I AM on medications and I'm seeing the therapist twice a month (though, like you, it's hard for me to afford although I need it). I probably need more help than I'm getting but there's the money issue and the fact that I don't want to freaking deal with it sometimes. I'm on a heavy dose of meds and I have been through med changes countless times. Sometimes I don't even want to deal with it anymore. I feel like the doctors can't even help me so who can? It's easy to get hopeless in this situation.

I also relate with your family issues. For me, I feel that my parents love me, but that they're tired from dealing with my bipolar for so long. I fear that they see me as out of control and unable to deal with things and I think they worry about me although they try not to show it. I isolate from them a lot, because I don't want to feel as if I'm judged (whether it's the right thing to perceive or not, I don't know). I isolate from most people besides my sister and my husband. I can talk to all of you online but I hate face to face interaction.

My stepdad owns his own business and he had me working there for a time but fired me because of my behavior at work. During the time I worked there I had a lot of hard times and I just think he gave up with the fact that he had to apologize to his other employees when I would cause a fuss. I'm much better at handling things now than I was then but even if I needed it, even if the only thing I could do was work for him, I don't think he would let me. That really hurts me for some reason.

My advice for you is to do all we can ever do and that is keep pushing. I want to give up all the time. Like you, my "good" days are few and far between. I usually feel depressed or "eh". It's been this way for years and it's easy to want to give up. I think it might be easier to take things one step at a time and each day make a promise to yourself that you are going to do one thing that can help how you're feeling--and be honest first with yourself about what those things would be. I think it takes brutal honesty with yourself to make things better. When I'm not taking care of myself, I have to end the emotional thinking about it and make a step in the right direction. It's like you have to be hard on yourself, but of course, with love. As one of the members said, it might take a lot of time to find the right psychiatrist--I have been through 4 or 5 and I don't even really like the one I'm seeing right now but go to her because she gives me a deal. I don't even like my therapist, hopefully one day I will be able to afford someone else. So you're not alone. Three admissions to the hospital, 5 or so doctors, 4 therapists, and years later...I'm still lost. Yeah, it sucks, but at least you know you're not alone. We need the support, so whatever way you need to get it, be honest about how and where you can get the support and get it for yourself. You deserve the world. Everyone does. Fight for yourself however you can.

Talking to a therapist/counselor that understands Bipolar could help in career decisions as well. Of course, you can talk to a college counselor, and that might help too, but someone that knows Bipolar would be a great asset.

I also want to say that I don't think we are ever going to know how to make life work. It's a never-ending process and don't let anyone tell you otherwise.

If there's anything else I can help with please let me know!

-KAT

[Anneinside]

For work problems, I would go to Vocational Rehabilitation. You should bring proof of your disability such as a letter from your therapist. I think you will need it but I'm not sure. They may be able to help you with specific coping skills need to stay on the job and locate an appropriate job.