[unstablemind8]

My parents have been separated since I was five. I switch houses every other week. My dad always says bad things about my mom. At my moms, my brother is controlling. Sometimes I am happy about that because he helps me make some right decisions. Other times, he hits me repeatedly and swears at me. My mom yells at us to stop fighting when all that is happening is I am trying to stop the fight and he is starting it up again. He says I am snappy at him and when I try to tell my mom about it she yells at me and lets my brother say his side of the story. When this happens I go from cheery to shaking to relaxed an hour later. I don't know how to deal with my life anymore!

[hamster-bamster]

Tell your dad: "Dad, you know what, I have noticed that when I am at my mom's, she never says bad things about you, but when I am at your place, you always say bad things about her. Why do you think this is happening?"

[hamster-bamster]

And, write an email to your mom saying: "Mom, one thing repeatedly happens when I am at your place is... and it hurts me. Do you think you can do something about it?"

[unstablemind8]

The only thing is I tried to tell her and she didn't listen.

[hamster-bamster]

Try an email. Written word often works better. Or better yet send a snail mail - that will make a lasting impression on her.

[BlueInanna]

Do you have a therapist? I think it's important in your case. If your parents refuse, you can call child services. It's highly unlikely you'd get removed from a home, but they could advocate for you in getting a therapist, get dad to stop saying negative things about mom (that's actually illegal some places or during custody battles, it is damaging to the kids to hear negative comments about other parent), and get mom to be more aware of the conflict going on with your brother. I'm a parent of 3, and have child services "investigate" for the usualy bipolar reasons. They have put a sort of fire under my butt to do things I need to be doing, like therapists for the kids.

[faerie_moon_x]

I agree to try the e-mail to your mom first, and if that doesn't work then you need to get other adults involved. Maybe tell your therapist if you have one. If you don't then you need to talk to a trusted teacher or someone at your school, or another relative if you have one. Maybe not your dad, but someone your mom respects. Tell them that your brother is hitting you and your mom doesn't understand, she thinks it is normal sibling fighting, but it's not. Maybe hearing it from another adult will help. Your brother is exhibiting abusive behavior.

[unstablemind8]

Thanks for the advice. The only problem is my brother and my dad. My brother has anger issues so until he gets over it, I am out of luck. My mom is going to try to get him into therapy. My dad is just a jerk. My mom is also going to try to take him to court. In their custody agreement, they can't bad-talk each other.

[faerie_moon_x]

Originally Posted by unstablemind8

Thanks for the advice. The only problem is my brother and my dad. My brother has anger issues so until he gets over it, I am out of luck. My mom is going to try to get him into therapy. My dad is just a jerk. My mom is also going to try to take him to court. In their custody agreement, they can't bad-talk each other.

Well, good your mom is taking your brother to therapy. He sounds like he needs it.

As for your dad, he is making an error showing you this side of himself. You know the type of person he is by his actions. Your mom is doing the right thing to not talk bad abou thim. I really hate my ex-husband but I don't ever say so in front of my son because that is his dad. I don't know if he talks bad about me, but I often feels he does. But, I can't say for sure, so I keep my mouth shut.