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Elder
Member Since Nov 2011
Location: I live in my head. :P
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#1
So, I realized that I do something just like a lot of others.
When I'm feeling aweful I work very hard to try to get help. I call the assistance program looking for a T. I try (and this time successfully) to get on meds (now on Lithium thanks to GP.) I call around to all the Ts on the list trying to find one that works with my schedule. And then, my cycle shifts and I feel better. So I stop looking. I say, 'I can do this! I don't need help,' and power forward. And then my cycle shifts and I am left alone again wondering WTF did I give up on trying to get help??? I read an article here on PC in the Bipolar FAQ area last week for family members that said that people with bipolar may need help in getting help because when they feel better they don't seek help. This is what i always thought when I was younger. That i needed help to get help. Now I know I need to help myself. But to see that in black and white on PC, and then the past few days observing myself feeling good, and now crashing backwards... I realize it is true! I was right! I do need help in getting help... but I have no help in that... so I have to rely on me who is very unreliable.... At least I was successful in getting lithium this time. __________________ |
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Anika., BipolaRNurse, Innerzone
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Member Since Mar 2012
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#2
I hear you. I recognize this more now that I am older (well, Im not that old; Im "just" nearly forty.) But even though I know I have this tendency and it isn't good for me to ignore help/meds/etc when I feel good, I still find myself having a tendency to let myself think that this is the time where I finally have my act together and Im not going to need those things any more. Then there's the inevitable reminder how wrong I am about that.
Im glad you were able to get your lithium. I think you should give yourself credit for getting help when you needed it. You did good. {{hugs}} |
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faerie_moon_x
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Poohbah
Member Since Feb 2012
Location: South USA
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#3
Thanks for posting this thread. I think most all of us have felt this once, and it's good to be reminded that we need to remain cognizant of the fact.
I'm sorry you don't have a person to hold you accountable, but maybe you're avoiding a crutch that way. I would buy the tupperware pill holders and fill up your pills for the week every Sunday, and post reminders in your phone/PC/datebook. Peace & Hugs, TnT __________________ There is a thin line that separates laughter and pain, comedy and tragedy, humor and hurt.
Erma Bombeck |
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faerie_moon_x
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Elder
Member Since Nov 2011
Location: I live in my head. :P
Posts: 6,358
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#4
Quote:
I just don't understand why we do this? Is it because of the stigma and our society telling us we should just be able to do it ourselves? That we just want to be okay? Or is it actually part of the illness itself? You know there's a name for it... if my brain will work for 10 more seconds.... Lack of insight. Anosognosia.... yeah, that's it... It's like the ultimate form of denial, but a symptom no one really talks about as an actual symptom. Or maybe it's all those things. __________________ |
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BipolaRNurse
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#5
I'm going through this right now. It would make sense that if I recognize it, I should tell myself to get back on-track but when this happens, I experience an anger or almost like a resentment I guess. Like I don't want to be a guinea pig with these meds and why should I conform. Stuff like that. I also doubt my diagnosis. Maybe it's situational. I dunno. I'm confused.
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Maidan Chick
Member Since Mar 2010
Location: On the faultlines of the hybrid war
Posts: 7,138
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#6
Quote:
I don't think this is IT though. How many of us post-pone going to dentist the minute their achey tooth stops hurting? Many postpone regular doc appoitments. Because well, we don't like it. Just like we postpone paying bills and cleaning and writting our term papers. SO it could be "stuff we hate to do" thing. __________________ Glory to heroes!
HATEFREE CULTURE Last edited by venusss; Nov 05, 2012 at 12:53 PM.. |
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faerie_moon_x
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Elder
Member Since Nov 2011
Location: I live in my head. :P
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#7
Quote:
Life is too full of boxes that no one wants to be put into... __________________ |
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Maidan Chick
Member Since Mar 2010
Location: On the faultlines of the hybrid war
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#8
I meant NOT.
Because you do display awareness, your problem is rather not wanting to deal with the treatment and all the shiite, imho. Not ana-whatever. __________________ Glory to heroes!
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Account Suspended
Member Since Sep 2011
Location: Northern California
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#9
DH, you are probably a very responsible person and the needs of your H, boys, work, the house, etc. are high, and whenever you are functional enough to be able to meet them, that is what you do, while personal health is being neglected. It is hard to make personal health a priority, be it mental or dental health. With that, I am now going to make an appointment that I have long postponed, for a skin check. My dermatologist is a lovely lovely lady and there is nothing unpleasant about the skin test - it is just hard to find the time especially when the potential damage is only probabilistic. But I should summon some self-discipline and do it.
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faerie_moon_x
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#10
Quote:
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Maidan Chick
Member Since Mar 2010
Location: On the faultlines of the hybrid war
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#11
you really ARE nitpicky, aren't you?
i may not be hypercorrect in my metaphores, but no need to go around a correct me all the time. __________________ Glory to heroes!
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emgreen
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emgreen
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#12
I do not think that I was being nitpicky. It was constructive criticism and I am disappointed that you do not seem to appreciate it. Once you enter in a discourse, you should be prepared for feedback, and, in general, should use metaphors with care. If there was no basis for a critique, that would have been a different story, but there was a basis - you conflated two different phenomena. Don't you see it? It is not a minor difference - postponing dealing with the inevitable and secretly hoping to never have to deal with an unpleasant topic are different enough for you to grasp the distinction.
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Elder
Member Since Nov 2011
Location: I live in my head. :P
Posts: 6,358
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#13
Don't be mad
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Maidan Chick
Member Since Mar 2010
Location: On the faultlines of the hybrid war
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#14
Quote:
Because I think it's bit of BOTH. Not wanting to deal with things you know you have to deal with... and secretly hoping you won't have to deal with them. So... no I don't see it. And really, I get enough of criticism in other areas of life, and here I don't need people to nitpick on every word I use... especially if it's matter of mere opinion. I don't recall requesting constructive criticism of every damn thing I say. I am not mad at you, Dark. __________________ Glory to heroes!
HATEFREE CULTURE Last edited by venusss; Nov 06, 2012 at 07:30 AM.. |
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Upwards and Onwards!
Member Since Mar 2010
Location: Kent, UK
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#15
Thanks for posting this. Too am guilty of suddenly pushing all help away once I am feeling ok. It's fine while I really am ok, but when a crisis suddenly arrives, I don't have my support team around any more and this is really looking for trouble
__________________ "I'd rather attempt to do something great and fail than to attempt to do nothing and succeed. Robert H. Schuller" Current dx: Bipolar Disorder Unspecified Current Meds: Epitec (Lamotrigine) 300mg, Solian 50mg, Seroquel 25mg PRN, Metformin 500mg, Klonopin prn |
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Anika., faerie_moon_x
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Karma Kid
Member Since Sep 2012
Location: Great White North
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#16
I do this, but I see it differently I guess. When I am doing well I don't want't o be in a sick environment, with dr's, appointments, makes me feel sick. So I distance myself from it when I am doing ok. But it's because I noticed that the more involved I am with things to do with being sick or unwell, the sicker I become.
Maybe I am eaisily influenced by environment. Also yes when we are well, we don't feel like we need help. I think that a natural course after esablishing wellness tho is to need less involment over time. Suga, if you can have an arrangement with a t or your support system that are in agreement that when you are in trouble you can call them for help, but when you are well you don't call or come in might help you. I have that arangement with a T and it's worked for 6 years. I never call her or see her anymore unless I am in a bad spot, and she remains more than happy to help when I need it. But she understands my need for distance from the appoinments with bipolar stuff when I am doing well. Might be an option when you have gotten through the stuff you got your new t to help you with. That way you know there is still support no matter what. __________________ Ad Infinitum This living, this living, this living..was always a project of mine |
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Legendary
Member Since May 2010
Location: Cape Town South Africa
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#17
I'm much like you Anika a sickly environment takes a much larger toll on my overall wellbeing. It has done alot for my mental health to move away from the 'ill' mindset and not have dr's appointments every other week. Like suga, I dont have a crisis plan in check tho (not a medical one anyway) but maybe in future, when I actually have health insurance, I'll see if I can get a standby T like yours... DHX Idk if its an actual symptom, it may be human nature, fueled by bp 'confidence'
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Anika.
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Anika.
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#18
This was random... Someone left it at the printer:
Suffer the pain of DISCIPLINE or suffer the pain of REGRET. |
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Account Suspended
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#19
You do not need to explicitly request it. It is implied: when you post, you open yourself up for criticism. Constructive criticism makes us better posters. Anneinside criticized me the other day for assuming that depression is more widespread in the industrialized world, and I stood corrected: I do not have data, I was acting on a mere assumption that the added stress created by industrialization boosts depression statistics; I was forgetting that in underdeveloped countries depression is underdx'd which does not mean non-existent, and I was demoting the stress of food scarcity, water scarcity, armed conflict etc. - the real stress of underdeveloped nations. That is what Anne made me see. So now I will think better before I post, I will care more about data, and try to make my arguments watertight.
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Maidan Chick
Member Since Mar 2010
Location: On the faultlines of the hybrid war
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#20
Okay, then I rather stay bad poster. If uberrational and analytic works for you, great. I am a philosopher, somewhat out there... and I don't need to be corrected in my OPINIONS. My OPINIONS and PERCEPTIONS are mine and I don't need to be bettered to your standards.
I did not post data here. Just my perception. And perception is matter of... perception. Imagine I went to your threads and your posts and critized how dry and boring you are contantly. And claimed it's for your own good. __________________ Glory to heroes!
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