[iluvdukie1]

I am shaking right now.. Don't really know why. I have been down all day. I was about to cry all morning, felt pretty crappy. After I talk to some people, I pretty much went back to my normal self, which was relieving as heck. I still wasn't completely myself though, something was off, I could just feel it. It lasted for a few hours, but then it started to fade. Before I knew it, I was complete **** again! I did NOT want to talk, I did NOT want to eat anything, I did NOT want to do anything, and I did NOT want to be anywhere close to anyone. This has lasted for about 8 hours straight. Not joking. I felt a slight glimpse of hope a little bit ago, but it blew away. At one point, I was a little scared. I had to use all of my strength to not throw everything across the room, to not hurt people, and to not scream at the top of my lungs. I was SO IRRITATED. It was because I kept getting notifications on my iPod every second, not exaggerating. Also, I was like hating everything around me to the point it was pissing me off really bad. I was about to log off of my Facebook just so everyone would shut up, but my one friend messaged me and she didn't do anything to me (yet) so I get bad. I asked her how to heck I could get out of the group chat, and she told me so I did it. This seemed to help a lot for a bit, but then I just got upset. That friend, which I have been like sisters with since I was in preschool (and we are actually cousins) is moving in May. After she leaves, I most likely won't see her again. She doesn't seem to be bothered by this at all, I mean it was her choice to go. I started to think about everything we have done together, I am going I miss her so much, I cannot bare it. It is all I can do right now to not break out into violent tears, I am just in silent ones right now. The only thing stopping me is my sister sleeping right under me. (We have bunk beds) I also started to think about how I will only have one friend left after that, and she is even annoying. EVERY friend I have ever had has either moved away or just stopped talking to me, I am sick of it. I am beginning to not trust people, I don't want to let them in anymore. I don't want this same **** to keep happening over and over again. I feel so alone right now, and she hasn't even left yet. Everytime I think about her now, I begin to despise her for doing this to me. She had said she was going to move earlier, but within like 20 minutes of me. Later she said that they weren't, so no worries. But now she dumps this **** on me! I can't take it! I am so sick of this! I don't want to go to school, I don't want to face people anymore, I don't want to try. I just want to slip into my own little world, stay in bed, in the dark. That way I won't have to face this crap hole we call earth. I am tired of it all! Sorry... I just really needed to vent.. I really can't talk to anyone on person about this.

[iluvdukie1]

And these last few days, my eyes have been swollen by the end of the night from crying so much. This used to never happen to me.

[BlueInanna]

Self soothing, self calming, waiting it through, process feelings, write talk whatever you can do I'm so sorry your cousin is moving, that's a big one. You're extra sensitive right now, like we get, and sensory/emotional overload happens. I get just the way you're describing too, hating everything. Try to be gentle on yourself. Tomorrow is a new day and I so hope it is better for you than this one.

[iluvdukie1]

Thanks, I appreciate it. And I bet I will be fine in the morning, I usually am. I just hope I am, I am supposed to go see a movie with her and I want to be able to enjoy it.

[BlackPup]

I find sleep makes a big difference when I get like this. Maybe turn your phone off and take some sleep meds. Sometimes life is so upsetting you can't process it without some really good s
Hope you are feeling better after some sleep. But if not keep posting. The writing helps with the processing.

[iluvdukie1]

I actually don't have any sleep meds. And today isn't really much better, only a little bit. I will probably write again tonight. Thanks for replying to my post!