[oWARLOCKo]

So Im new here and Im looking for help with my situation. Im a little awkward with all this so Ill try as best as I can to lay it all out.
I am with a Girl that I have known for around 5 years, we have been friends up until just recently and I have always known that she has depression issues and we have talked about suicide, she has tried and been close to it several times before she caught herself and realized that it would be a mistake. When we both told eachother how we actually felt about one another she explained that she is bipolar, she also has recurring nightmares as a result of a tramatic event from her Teenage years, Her first boyfriend commited suicide by shooting himself and she feels like its her fault, she has nightmares of seeing him do it, and she says that its not always him, that its sometimes other people that she cares about greatly in his place, the past few times she has had the dream she said it was me in the dream and she was extremely shaken about it. she had never told me before because she dosent like how some people treat her if/when they know but we are pretty open with one another and she wanted to just come out and tell me alot of her personal life that she dosent talk to others about because she said she trusts me, loves me, and wants me to know these things. And of course, I dont care about any of that, I love her verry deeply, not only as a Girlfriend but also as a friend and I want to be there for her and help her any way that I can.
That is the basics of the situation, now here is where things get a little complicated. We are in a long distance relationship at the moment. I am living in central Texas while she lives in Utah, just outside of Salt Lake. I am going to make my way out to her in about another month or so due to money issues and a few other things I just cant up an leave right this second.
Also, and this is hard to explain to some people, she is actually in the last stages of a failed relationship. She knows that its over and so does he, but he is trying to cling to her, and she still cares about him as a friend and dosent want to hurt him and end the friendship so she is looking for a way to more or less get HIM to end it and leave on his own without her "breaking up" with him, also they are still living in the same apartment both due to money, neither one can support living alone right now, and because they dont have family in the area to stay with if they do leave the apartment. But because the relationship is over, they fight almost every day. He constantly picks fights with her and it affects her mood badly most days.
And finaly these two are the most serious part or my story, to me its what most worries me. She is a cutter. She cuts herself to help deal with the stress. And we have talked about it, and she has even showed me after she has done it so I know shes not just saying it. She has explained why she does it and I know that for the most part she knows what shes doing and how far/deep to cut, but it dosent make me feel any better because when she gets down, really down, she goes too far and has even been hospitalized once for cutting too badly when she was extremely depressed. And because she dosent like doctors, and dosent like how people treated her after they found out that she was in the hospital for it, when she does "mess up" she does not seek medical attention, she tries to take care of it herself with bandages, tape, or even super glue. And the second part is that, in the past 3 weeks she has done Meth twice. She first did a hit about 3 weeks ago and when I asked why she said partly cause she was curious about it cause her friend does it and even though shes scared of it she always talks to him about it, but mainly she did it cause she was feeling really down after a fight with her Ex and she just didnt care. Her exact words to me were "At that moment I just didnt care if it ****ed me up or not" She said immediately after doing it she regretted it, that it was a rash mistake. And then about a night ago, I noticed she was acting odd and I asked if she had done another hit and she told me she had. And the reason for doing it was basicly the same, because she was depressed her friend had some and she didnt really care. And that she regretted it, but at the time she just didnt care if she did too much and it ****ed her up.
And finally, shes not on meds, she cant afford the ones they prescribed to her in the past, cant afford to see a doctor, dosent like doctors in the first place, and the meds they prescribed for her, she said, basicly makes her into a zombie. She says they put her into a meh state at all times, she dosent have any moods at all she says, she dosent get as depressed when shes on them, but she also dosent get happy at all, she's just constantly in a meh kind of attitude and has no motivation to do much of anything and they also make her sleep. alot. Which is bad because of the recurring dreams.
Im sure that there is alot that I am leaving out but this is the situation. I need help, badly because she extremely depressed and it breaks my heart that Im not even there to be with her. If anyone knows any support lines or chat services I would really appreciate it greatly.

[BlueInanna]

Wow, thanks for the trigger icon, that was in intense read. :/ But I read it all, I think it's just now showing up in the forum because you are new.

This all just sounds like a mess, she does not sound in a good place to start a new relationship. She's got to want help and healing and all that. We are able to get some pretty good support and healing through our sharing in this group. It's helped me deal with my bp and bp in my family immensely, the support here.

I can tell you love her very much, and when that happens we'll go to any lengths to try to help or even to try to save someone. I wish you both the best and hope all will work out. I think just reach out for support like your are, and encourage her to find a support group, and maybe a therapist if she's not into doctors. The cutting and the meth use are both really serious, and can turn into the worst case at any time.

[Victoria'smom]

Please try to get her to go through the community mental health system. There are cheap medication and even samples her psychiatrist can possibly give her. Being BP and drugs do not mix. Stay as her friend right now until she gets stable.

[~Christina]

Yes, wow.. She needs to get some help, point her in this direction or any other mental health support sites. As Miguelsmom said there is low or no cost help out there. I agree , right now be her friend and not toss a romantic relationship into the mix.

I really hope she gets some help.