[Anika.]

Things are just meh.

I got in trouble for telling that girl at work off. Well I thought I did, I think it was more like a mandatory management has to say this to you in this situation now looking back at it. The trouble girl got a lot of diciplinary action, and quite a few complaints from other staff, so she has had any type of responsabilities removed. I was soo anxious, I hate getting in trouble.. like I really can hardly handle it.. thanks dad. However my boss has been giving me a lot of work that is more responibility and funner.. my spelling is bad today and I can't bother sorry guys. Plus every time we are in a team my boss radios for stuff.. like we need photos of this stuff taken etc and she will only have me do it, even though my other team members could easily do it, and they answer the radio. So that is kinda cool.. better than my usual tasks. She gives me our assignments and gives me the task of keeping it all together and managing the jobs and times, plus inspecting the work. Since I only work 2 days a week.. I think I can breathe a little... ok so maybe my telling that girl off didn't make my bosses hate me. We had a photographer come because we need new photos for our website and travel sites and other media. I was given the job to prepare all the areas he would be photographing.. That's kinda cool

The rest well ughh... I was sick when I started there, for those that remember my dr suspects lupus... well I am still sick and have been everyday. Feel like I have had a bad flu or virus for the last 2 and half months. My body feels like it's falling apart. Everyday that I work I get home with a fever, flushed, pain, aches, chills, and just feel like death. I have shin splints so bad right now, I have been taping my shins, icing them, taking advil, and the inflamation and pain sucks so bad, without taping them it's hard to even walk slowly. Slow walking.. what the heck is that. Just matches the inflamation in my hands at this point. Ok enough whining... I am sooo over being sick.

It is the most frustrating thing in my life, I try to take care of myself. Eat healthy, am very active, my body looks pretty strong to the eye, and I dunno how the hell I manage to remain so active while my body feels like it's dying. I think I am just really upset that no matter what I undertake I am always physically ill. It's depressing to think about... I am so tired of chronic pain. Every muscle, every joint, the swelling and pain.... I am so over it already. I am trying to accept it, and just let it be what it is.. you know how hard that is when the pain becomes unbearable. It's pretty hard, maybe I just have to try harder. Ok done whining.. I lied in the paragraph before I see when I said it was enough.

On a different note my mother has a job interview here, in my small city, ya the city that is in no way big enough to house her and my sisters and I in peace. She will arrive this weekend and be here for the whole of december for now....... I dunno what even to say about that....

I love her, but really need the distance factor. I dunno I keep thinking about what to do... I am not against dragging her to my yoga space, my sanctuary.. if it would help her and I live in shared space. Maybe that's a bad idea..

And then my cell phone fell in a toilet at work yesterday... at least the toilet was just cleaned I guess.. phoneless... communication-less.

I suppose it's time to start thinking about good things... I mean it's not all bad.

[~Christina]

Anika !

I'm glad that work has improved and the bossy chick got taken down.. Enjoy them having faith in you to handle more responsibility. They dont hate you.

Oh I so wish so wish so wish you could get relief from chronic pain, it's really hard to just "accept" your going to have chronic wide spread pain. Thinking " I need to try harder" I just don't know about that, there are so many things we can work on to make life better, happier, more peaceful .... Pain is a tough one. I wish I had some great words of wisdom but I don't.

Oh hmmmm your mom.... YIKES .. Is it wrong for me to hope she doesn't get the job? Is she staying with you for the whole month?

I know how the pain & being sick all the time feels, Anika... You work really hard to keep it at a minimum but that still doesn't get rid of all of it! Eat healthy, yoga, home remedies for everything. It really sucks but you'll get through this!

Is there a stronger anti-inflammatory you can be placed on? I took 4 Advil/Aleve practically every day for over 5 years & it tore my stomach to shreds!! There are things out there like Relafen which are much easier on the stomach & will help get rid of, not only joint pain, but musculoskeletal pains as well. I was given that in the hospital once & it clears up my back spasms really quick! I don't have enough to take it EVERY time my joints hurt, since it was only a 10 pill script, but it's worth asking your doctor about... For my joints, I take Tramadol which is a pain blocker & though it's an opiate, I find relief at a very low dose & only take it as needed. Hasn't caused any dependency at all thus far!

And another thing I would suggest is ingesting aloe. I know it sounds funny!! But here in Puerto Rico, they have aloe drinks everywhere in the grocery store. I read online that aloe can soothe inflammation so I started buying them & WOW. It's only mild relief but it was definitely noticeable. So if you can find any aloe capsules, drinks, or even an aloe plant -- I recommend it 5000%! Just scrape the pulp out of the leaves & mix a little spoonful into tea or something.

Feel better soon. I have a feeling that once your pain is decreased & your immune system isn't taxed by that ****ing flu, you'll feel better about tackling everyday life!

[Anika.]

Christina, I dunno know where she is staying yet. Hopefully between the three of us. However it goes like this.. my mother does not like my brother in law.. never has for whatever reason she could think of no matter if it was 15 years ago, there place is small, crowded and not very clean really at all, so my mom hates to stay there. My other sister, since her husband split has extra room in her house, but she has two large dogs, and dog hair everywhere, and she is a bit like someone who could use some kind of treatment for various issues so my mom doesn't like to stay there either. Guess who's house is pretty clean and no pets, and crowded yes, but I offer my room, she doesn't hate anyone who lives with me, and I am pretty calm and mild even when she behaves in a mean fashion.... but no she cannot stay here the whole time... I would loose it, but I can imagine it will be most of the time from experience.

Ugh ya, you know exactly what the chronic pain is.. I know.. try harder.. but it's all I can think to do because I don't have the power to make it go away. I am sorry that you deal with it too, no one else in my family deals with that, which is great, but what the heck happened to me, or you?

[Anika.]

Thanks Shay... I think I don't actually have a flu.. it is just the usual what ever is wrong.. maybe I am getting gluten somewhere that I have not thought about. Could be.. I didn't really think to check I am pretty careful.

I don't usually take anything for pain or inflamation. I take advil like maybe 5 times a year if I can get away with it. The swelling near my shins is pretty bad, I don't want to end up with a stress fracture so I wanted to get the swelling down. Advil yeah doesn't help pain much anyways and I am too scared to take medications like that because I am scared of long term damage. I have had enough of medications, I am so stubborn. I am so hyper sensitive... neo citron makes me extremly emo for a few days after, and kinda paranoid. Same with allergy medicine, naproxen .. yikes. It seems not worth it in the end.

The Aloe... hey that is a good idea. I didn't know exactly what it did for you upon drinking it. I bought one and drank it.. . I didn't try again because the taste. You can get it here in most stores. Maybe I just need to pick a different brand, or try a bunch till I find one I like. Oh I think it was aloe and mango.. I'll pick some up today. Thanks Shay!

I am sorry you deal with it also, I know you have talked to me about it before. I am glad you found something that helps tho.

[kindachaotic]

So sorry about your painful body & struggles.
Hope you find some relief really soon.

[~Christina]

I'm really sorry about your mom, I remember last time she came to town she stayed mostly with you.. Stress is the last thing you need of course, its family so what can you do? Oh there has to be a solution, Of course come here and vent ,PM me anytime, keep up on all your regular routines even if its difficult with company.

I don't have any clue why you or I or anyone for that matter got the "extra super sized order of chronic pain" I do have to believe that maybe we are the strongest types? and able to handle it? I dunno.

I have a couple of friends that deal with chronic pain, one has given up totally and just swallows pain pills and alcohol she doesn't care about her husband or kids, she has given up My other friend is like you and I ,just marching along, getting knocked off track often but for whatever reason we march forward.. lol sorry saying marching along I just got a mental imagine of penquins marching in line .Hahaha .... Ok sorry I think I am a bit loopy from a couple extra doses of NyQuil

Hang in there my friend

[Anika.]

Thanks Chaotic!! I think it will be ok, just have to get through it.

Oh haha I forgot that I think I broke my elbow... OMG I didn't really know you could break your elbow, well duh it's bones. I think I might just have a small fracture. And I left it cause I thought it would go away. 2 weeks ago I was pulling a piece of cardboard of a new sofa that arrived at work. It wouldn't give so I stupidly put all my weight and force into it, the cardboard snapped and my elbow smashed the corner of the tv stand behind me. I don't think i ever hit my funny bone that hard.. I was almost screaming and dancing in pain... It was swollen and bruised but I ignored it.. yesterday I bumped it a few times very lightly and the pain is right back where it was. Like you can't even very lightly touch it with your finger, and it is shocking pain. But it I am not touching it and am careful it's not so bad... I don't know if I should go to the doctor or just leave it and it will heal on it's own?

On a good not my 3 degree burns from halloween and hot glue are almost healed and the pain is almost gone.

I need a bubble.

[Anika.]

Originally Posted by morethingswrong

sorry saying marching along I just got a mental imagine of penquins marching in line .Hahaha .... Ok sorry I think I am a bit loopy from a couple extra doses of NyQuil

Hang in there my friend

Penquins hehe.... OMG... now all I can see is us adpoting the skinny jeans with the crotch to to knees haha..

haha be careful with that NyQuil stuff.. that stuff is crazy.. I have a story I will tell you later.

You will get lots of emails when my mom is here, better make sure you clean out your inbox so there is enough space..

My moms last visit.. everytime she visits I end up with crisis posts here pretty much. yes last time.. I was reading to much science stuff and her here at the same time... I WILL not watch science stuff this time. Maybe I will talk to my sisters and make sure they insist she stay with them more.. hehe that is a ridiculous idea.. I am so sure they will not go along with that.

Don't worry i am not quite in touch with my brain today either.

Anika: The aloe doesn't help me through the whole day, but I always wake up with morning stiffness in my joints & if I drink one of those juices with breakfast? At least I don't have pain from throughout the day on top of what I get in the morning! So it makes it more tolerable... The one I'm drinking is aloe & mango! J-ALOE I think the brand is? I mean, they use sugar which I try to cut down on but I'm not going to complain since it's been making me feel at least a little bit better. They're less red & puffy which helps me accomplish a few more things in the day before I get exhausted from all the inflammation.

And I know medications are pretty scary; they all have so many side-effects! But it really does help to have a back-up nearby... Because most times it's difficult but possible to go with the flow despite it. Sometimes it's a lot more difficult than others & you don't even want to get out of bed! Those are the days where I take my back-ups. Pain itself will drive me into a pseudo-mixed episode because there's so much I want to do but can't/don't feel like it!! I know it's hard but it IS okay to get help sometimes. ;)

[~Christina]

HAHAHA @ the imagine of the jeans

Yeah I handed my NyQuil over to my grumpy husband.

My inbox always has plenty of room for you

[faerie_moon_x]

Anika, my stress is through the roof and I can't read barely at all right now. I did get the first paragraph in (4 tries.... blah...) so I'm glad you are getting the fun jobs. That's awesome. I also struggle with getting in trouble.

So, I am here for you more in spirit than in able to read or give any advice right now. I think I'm right up the same raod of "I'm just here" at the moment.

[BlueInanna]

Wow honey you have major major going on! And handling it like a pro. Like I just said to Hamster, you are so brave - to take care of that problem lady - it needed to be done! I'm so proud of you, so proud of all my brave strong bp sisters and brothers here.

Wish I could do something to relieve your pain Hopefully docs will figure it out, you deserve some relief. Have you tried arnica gel or homeopathic? An old friend reiki master taught me about it, she said if you don't have any physically handy, you can think the word and actually summon the plants essence / energy to help you. Worth a try?

[Trippin2.0]

3 of us 'just here' Weird huh? Anika so glad work is better,fun jobs and some responsibility is great for self-esteem! So sorry your body's not playing along, can only imagine what you go thru.Please see a doc about that elbow, your immune system is not up to par,so healing's harder on all fronts.My back flared last weekend again, but and I was at a BBQ, so took some of my sister's Tremadol, the ONLY med that's given me ANY relief since April... I WANT an RX

[Trippin2.0]

Ooh ooh, and I hope your mom does NOT get that job near you. She can get a different one, with more roads inbetween... Dont get me wrong, family is great, but some relatives should be handled like meds and only taken in small dosages coz the chance of OD'ing is high and dangerous too

Yikes, Anika! I hope things improve on all fronts soon.

(Hear you on the getting in trouble thing. I'm the exact same way! Agree it's probably some mandatory thing that they have to say. But it still feels like trouble, doesn't it?! It isn't and still that feeling is there! Argh!)

[faerie_moon_x]

Originally Posted by Trippin2.0

Ooh ooh, and I hope your mom does NOT get that job near you. She can get a different one, with more roads inbetween... Dont get me wrong, family is great, but some relatives should be handled like meds and only taken in small dosages coz the chance of OD'ing is high and dangerous too

Knowing what I know about your mom, I am totally with Trippin on this! Your mom can find something on the other half of Canada from where you are.

[Anika.]

Have not heard of that Blue, but I will hunt some down. I can usually find stuff like that, we have some good stores for that here. Thank you!! And you are so sweet you know Blue..

Trippin, IZ, and Dark.. thank you guys too!

Yeah I mean Canada is a huge huge vast country, there are many other places to live. You know what tho, I do live in one of the best spots.. we have amazing snow and beautiful mountains, three lakes in my little city,mineral lakes turqouise and clean. It's also a semi-arid dessert so in the summer is about 40 celsius 104 for my backwards friends the mountains transform into orchards and wine vineyards in the summer.. can you blame her.. Sorry haha maybe I should get a job for the city tourism department. Dunno what happened there.

Is it bad I am kinda asking the universe to step in there and change the direction that it seems to be headed?

Ya my elbow I dunno.. I am bad for putting up with stuff like that and trying to ignore it. Even when I am not moving it there is this weird burning but it seems not too bad. This is like when I tore my hamstring in three spots, it hurt for weeks pretty darn bad, and I kept thinking it was really ok until it bled down the back of my leg to my knee. Ya maybe I better go and have a look see. My pain tolerance is quite high despite my whining.. no really haha, so I ignore things until it become impossible to do so.. I dunno what that says besides kinda dumb. s l o w learner..

Trippin hope you can get an RX for that, and I really hope whatever is causing that cease and ... um leaves. Brain it just won't go today.

[faerie_moon_x]

Sounds a lot like where I live except not the Cananda part. But Canada is huge. There must be another place in the same general ecological region.... (Is that the right word, lol?)

[Anika.]

haha Dh.. I dunno, but sounds good and scientific. Interesting... sounds like where you live.. says you live in your head? What else you got in there. ..

Feeling any better today?

[faerie_moon_x]

Hmmmm... pirates, ninjas, zombies, archers, fairies, dragons, unicorns, magic swords, vikings, assassins, necromancers, sorceresses, wizards, spirits, villans, heros, princesses, queens, kings, princes, court jesters, magic spells, curses, true love, enchanted forests, breathtaking vistas, vengful and loving dieties (both types), cerulean oceans, rushing rivers, majestic waterfalls, magic crystals, angels and demons, wizened elders, and at least one Underwood typewriter painted white with a thousand bottle of Liquid Paper.

[faerie_moon_x]

And that's what I can just think of off the top of my head....

[Anika.]

hahaha ohhhh I wonder what's in the bottom!!

[Confusedinomicon]

It sounds like a fantasy novel to meee, DH!

[Anika.]

I have such a bad headache this morning.. the splitting kind. I just made a big to-do list. Someone better do this stuff.. There is no coffee in da house!!! And to get some I gotta get dressed, put all my winter clothes on and walk in the cold across a field to walmart. Ya.. I know it's like a whole block . And then stand in line for an hour cause they only have 2 tills open ever, while the other 15 tills sit vacant.. not sure what those tills are for, maybe they are saving them for when these two wear out.

Hmm I am gonna go there in my jammas, just throw a toque on my messy hair... maybe wipe the mascara marks off my face... maybe not.

DH it is like a fantasy novel....