[Sam2]

I myself do not suffer from bipolar, but hoped to get some insight from people who do. From before I remember to fifth grade, I had a very close friend. We were rarely apart, spending hours in the woods on "adventures", camped out at eachother's houses etc. At the start of the fifth grade, my friend suddenly would have nothing to do with me. No explaination, no warning. Our houses were in the same direction, and he told me flat out that he no longer wanted to walk home with me.

We saw a little of each other, same school, over the next few years, but for the most part, went our seperate ways.Every now and then I would try to be friends again, but was always told to leave him alone. During my sophomore year in highschool, I noticed that I had not seen him around in the halls for quite a while and called his house. He would not speak to me. We met up after graduation, and he told me he had been diagnosed as bipolar. He didn't give specifics, just that there had been a suicide attempt and he had "lost it" at school once and jumped through a ground floor window.

Years later, I wrote him a letter, and he said he would prefer if i stayed out of his life. He also said there were no hard feelings. This has haunted me for years. I felt betrayed when he cut me off in fifth grade, but as far as I know, I never did anything to him. Somewhere in there, he must have thought i did or he would not have written "no hard feelings". I can understand his not wanting me around now because it probably brings up a time in his life that was very difficult and painful. What I can't understand is the sudden shutting me out in the first place. Could he have been entering an early stage of his illness in fifth grade that was not serious enough to have been noticed? I knew of others in high school that seemingly lost it overnight that were diagnosed with bipolar, but didn't know them well enough to have noticed their behavior prior to. Is it common for this to begin with small oddities that lead up to a seemingly sudden breakdown years later?

Thanks,
Sam2

[faerie_moon_x]

This is very odd to me, actually. That he would suddenly cut you off like that means there must be a reason.

I can say I tend to be rather sensitive, sometimes overly sensitive, and especially as a child. That was one thing everyone always would tell me. "You're being too sensitive." I have cut people out of my life kind of like that. But I had reasons. I didn't necessariliy be forthcoming of those reasons exactly. One girl I was good friends with when I was having some pretty major delusions and she was part of my group of friends that just "played along." Instead of trying to see if maybe I needed help.

Anyway, a few years ago she found me on facebook and sent me a friend request and tried to be my friend. I told her that I no longer am interested in friends and I want to leave the past in the past, including all the people in it. I didn't feel the need to tell her that she had completely betrayed me and let me suffer while I was obviously having a mental health crisis.

So, maybe it's not something you're aware happened. Maybe it was something you said. You don't say how old you are, but bipolar wasn't being diagnosed in kids when I was a kid. But maybe you said something that really hit a nerve and he just wasn't able to get passed it, which is too bad. Maybe if he explained what happened you could have.

Or another thought is there could have been a rumor or maybe his parents didn't like you. Or something like that. It's hard to say for sure. It may be something you'll ever get to know.

[BlueInanna]

There is probably something that he feels is a reason for ending the friendship. You may never know and can't make him tell you. Maybe he isolates and wants to be alone. You've already reached out, but been asked to stay away, so should respect that. Maybe you could send a final note that the door is open if he changes his mind, but no pressure.

Living with bp and having children with bp, I wouldn't call it an oddity. Maybe living with it makes it not seem odd to me. But what I know about it, yes it shows up in childhood. Bp people also can go along lengths of time without any symptoms, then usually something sets it off because of our deep sensitivity in my opinion.

[Sam2]

Thanks for both of your comments. In answer to my age, I'm forty nine, so this would have taken place, or started to in 1974. Our parents had always been friends, and though we had our normal childhood spats, they never lasted for more than a couple hours. My friend came from a Catholic family, ours was protestant, but that never bothered either one of us.

I do remember him telling me sometime in middle school during one of a few chance meetings, that he was drinking cough syrup for the high. I didn't think anything at the time about it, and it seemed an off hand comment.

The last I heard, he was married with two children. He was pretty clear in his letter that he didn't want any contact between us, so I just don't know. Maybe he thought I should have been there for him when he was in crisis. Had I known, i would have been, but we had been astranged for years by then. Whether or not it bothers him now, I'll never know. As much as I'd like to stay in contact, when someone tells you to stay away, you have to respect that. Can people outgrow bipolar disorder, or is it for life?

Sam2

[faerie_moon_x]

Yeah, for 1974 I don't believe they would even consider that a fifth grade kid would have bipolar. The realization that children can also have a mental illness is a relatively new one, even though obviously kids have always had symptoms or issues. It just wasn't recognized and even now I think a lot of doctors are cautious about diagnosing.

But, I say that since he severed contact at that young age, he probably didn't expect you to be there once he was diagnosed. I say not to be hard on yourself. It's just something that happened. Sometimes we lose a friend and there is no answer. Sorry about that.

[BipolaRNurse]

Sorry to say, but bipolar disorder is a "forever" illness. It never goes away.......it can get better, and it can go into remission, sometimes for years at a time; but it's always there, like a sleeping dragon just waiting for something to wake it up. I feel awful that you lost your friend, but this is more about him than it is about you, and you can't do anything to fix it at this late date.

[Sam2]

You're right, it is more about him than it is about me. I just hate to think that someone I was close to had to suffer so much. At the time, at least by high school, lithium was the drug of the day for bipolar, which he had been put on. As I understand, just from doing some reading back then, people had a tendency to go off it either because they felt they no longer needed it or because it robbed them of any feeling at all. Last year my folks sent me an article in the hometown paper that his mother had died of cancer. I think it just brought back a lot of unfinished business. I can live with him not wanting contact. I just hope that he has been able to find peace in his life. Thanks for all your insights. I really appreciate it. Sam2