[faerie_moon_x]

Hey everyone,

So, I'm not able to focus very well at all. I am trying to read things but I can't get past 2-3 scentences. It's been bugging me for a while now. Since before Christmas.

I took my lithium for 1 day after re-starting it and havien't been taking it since then. I just forget constantly. plus today I lose my insurance anway. Not going to pay $400 a month for something we can't even use.... it's dumb. Applied for CHP for the kids, but you have to be off insurance for 90 days to qualify. (Dumbest rule....) So anyway.

If I'm not responding it's because my mind is all over the place.

oh i've had this!

not only with the forum (i've had days where i can't read the messages and think, well.... i'm just going to not log in at all then, and delete my acount)

but i've had that with books, too

the last book i read was a sherlock holmes novel- and i kept having no interest in reading it (sure, i cared about what happened and how he solved the case) but like you, had no focus to read it

eventually i just skimmed through it and asked someone what happened in the end

it is anoying... i agree- especially when what you're reading is enjoyable

[bluemountains]

The inability to read for any length of time has been as issue for me for quite a while. I keep forgetting to mention this to the pdoc when I go. The t tells me to do so because I probably still need slight adjustments in meds.

I think that you need to be consistent with the lithium in order to get focused. Also, Darkheart, it sounds like a little depression is creeping in. You are dealing with a lot in losing insurance and filing for benefits for the children. Good luck, and please try to remember your meds!
Bluemountains

[Bobbarita]

Same thing happened to me while "ultra" manic. Usually considered a good reader, and a fast one at that, when I escalated I found I could not concentrate to read even a paragraph. I'm not manic at the moment but there are other stressors. I can't watch a movie (too distracted), some fear of driving, (again distracted and get lost easily), short term memory is shot therefore I sound like an idiot when I talk to someone and it's, "I just told you that...remember? "No." Try to write things down but they're often illegible. Hands shake sometimes to the point of embarrassment. I'm seeking help for all this but it's a slow process. That's frustrating as well. Normal things are hurculean tasks for me and I just do the minimum or less and the rest slides. The thing I can do right now is hope to improve these situations and be in a better, healthier place next New Year. Good luck to you.

[faerie_moon_x]

Yeah, I know I need to start my meds again. I have so much going on. I was doing really well for about a month. Then I don't remember what happened that made me start to forget.

[BipolaRNurse]

I haven't read a book in over two years, which distresses me to no end because I've been a voracious reader all my life. But I simply don't have the attention span for it anymore......hope it comes back some day. I've got about five books waiting for me that I haven't been able to get into.

[faerie_moon_x]

When I lose my reading I also lose my writing. I was doing so good working on my story. Now it's back to the crazy can't think thingy.... what's that called?

[mentalcanyons]

I understand not being able to read. And not feeling/being well. Had all intentions of attending an auction today as well as attending a sober (AA) gathering/dinner & dance this evening - I bought a ticket about 2 weeks ago. Couldn't get out of bed before noon today. Had to force myself out the door to buy pet food and return the books I hadn't read (and were overdue) to the library. Before I left the house, I could barely stay on track with one thought that wasn't negative. Felt anxious around others. Couldn't mix with people today.

I hope tomorrow is better. And waiting to find out if I'll be granted disability by the state.

In the meantime, I really hope things are better for you. Is it possible to talk with your pdoc about making sure you will be able to get your meds?

[faerie_moon_x]

I don't have a pdoc and now I don't have insurance either. I still haven't figured any of this out. My lithium is prescirbed by my gp for now until I can figure out a pdoc, but now I can't even go see my gp. And, I haven't been taking my meds. I just keep forgettting....

[BlueInanna]

Originally Posted by dark_heart_x

When I lose my reading I also lose my writing. I was doing so good working on my story. Now it's back to the crazy can't think thingy.... what's that called?

Your story will come back, I believe in you! Maybe all this sh*te right now will be like fertile compost to bring new creative growth and break through the frozen ground of the writers block. And an awesome tree (book) will come out of it.

[Doxie mom]

Originally Posted by dark_heart_x

Yeah, I know I need to start my meds again. I have so much going on. I was doing really well for about a month. Then I don't remember what happened that made me start to forget.

Do you have a cell phone. I have a app that has an alarm that goes off whenever it is time to take my meds. Otherwise I would forget.

[faerie_moon_x]

I do have a phone.

I just need to get myself re-set up because I was doing really well until I couldn't have any water to drink at home because of the baby. And I got my water bottle, which I then lost. And my pills fell out of my work bag, and I put them on my desk and forget to put them in again. Because I take my pill in the morning at work because you have to take it with food.

So it's like a whole domino thing.

Setting up a card table and working a 400-500 word puzzle puts the concentration back in order for me. And it draws me away from any thoughts that might be perturbing.

If you like puzzles, it might work for you, too--never know.

[faerie_moon_x]

I sure hope so, Blue.

I am hoping once we get out into the new apartment it will be like fresh air on my soul. I really need that. I keep imagining me sitting in that pretty living room with the big sunny balcony door, and the boys playing Wii while I sit at my desk, relaxed.

[BlueInanna]

I will hold that lovely vision for you too my friend, and I believe it will be. Many trees around that yard too for you and for the kids to play. Sorry the waiting right now is so rough.