sry for the other day Monkey man!

looking deeper,
past the anguish,
past the anger and depression,
there was a desperate sadness.
An emotional blackness that was demanding.
trying to look past that.. he realized it was a trap.
there was nothing past that.
all the efforts of trying to look past it just allowed it to consume him,
get behind him and flood all around him.

Taking over him, he wished that he could just go back.
go back and realize that what he had before wasn't so bad.
but it was bad, it was only until now, faced with this new blackness,
that what he had before didn't seem so bad.

'I will quit searching', he tells himself, hoping that in some way this new devotion would pave the way back for him.

it didn't though. It just made things worse.
everything did.
it wasn't his moods that were the problem. At least he didn't think so.
no. it was his emotions.
they were strong as the ocean tides, and as random as the flip of the deck in Vegas.
'Vegas', he thought. He always hated Vegas. 'I should go there'.