At each others throat...

My husband and I are normally sickeningly close. We have never really argued and generally accepted each others faults. Now we can't even talk without causing fights or little jabs at each other. We can't figure out which one of us our over reacting.

I know he's worried because to him I'm not eating (I'm binging though, he has no idea). He's upset he didn't go to pdoc with me because I'm now going off my AD. It's like we're both kicking each other when we're down. We have no idea why. I know there's a lot of stress right now but usually we're closer when under stress. How do we figure out what's wrong? Whether it's situational or chemical? I don't have a T appointment until the 21st. He has stopped both his therapy and pdoc appointments. So how do we get back to being each others cheerleaders?

for me its comes down to putting it all on pause for a second and spending a little time saying I love you and I believe in you. those reminders can move mountains

32 year old married woman from Madison, WI
Living with Bipolar II with
Borderline Personality Disorder, PTSD Traits,Generalized Anxiety Disorder
Tim Burton Fan, Zombie Fan, Music Fan, Movie Addict

I agree with br0k3nw1ng3d. Find time to appreciate each other, maybe plan a date night... Just the two of you.

thats a great idea. the cheesier the better..I am a hopeless romantic and think that sometimes going cheesy helps a lot. A simple at home idea: if you have a 'its our song' song, put it on and force a dance to happen.. it would break some of the tension up a little

32 year old married woman from Madison, WI
Living with Bipolar II with
Borderline Personality Disorder, PTSD Traits,Generalized Anxiety Disorder
Tim Burton Fan, Zombie Fan, Music Fan, Movie Addict

We usually do romance cards. We haven't done that since we got home. I'll start that again but I worry about getting rejected. Date night isn't really an option because of my ED . We don't have a song.

i would be super concerned that he has stopped therapy and seeing his doctor! i have bp2 and ocd among other things and when off my meds and not seeing ky therapist...its not good...i pick fights and argue with my husband whom i am super close with. he is my go to person and i know how different i am when not doing what i need to do to get better. this may play a large part in it!

I go through the same thing on occasion with my bf. We're so ridiculously close, but sometimes fights just happen for no reason at all! But it really is all about making the other person feel special & wanted... Even if you're feeling a little disconnected? You have to put the focus on the other person because they can't give back if they're in the same state you are. So, sometimes it's best to give first & take later... Hopefully you'll both find your way out of this pit together!

Though I must agree... It is very worrying that he stopped all of his treatment & that you're going off of your AD. Both of those could be causing a significant amount of inner stress that is probably making its way outside?

MM there are lots of options for a date night that don't revolve around food. A movie, a massage night, a long walk, fun things like go-carting, a trip to a museum or gallery.. Just being in each others company, just the two of you, where you can both put the stress aside for a little and connect.

The romance card sounds pretty good. One time when my bf was out of town I made a whole bunch of tiny loveing notes to him... things I love about him etc. some funny and some sweet. I went to his house before he came home and hid all the notes around his house, taped them to the inside of cupboard doors.. stuff like that. He found them all eventually, haha I think after he found a few he went on a search to find them all. And 5 years later the notes are all in the same place. And we still smile about it.

Stuff like that and your romance cards can be a really nice way to remind each other why you love each other so much. And I agree that spending time together without the stress is really important. I have been with my bf for 6 years and we still do tons of date nights, and it helps keep us connected very well.

I hope things settle down for you both and you can find that sweet spot together again, I am sure you will.

Ad Infinitum

This living, this living, this living..was always a project of mine

He called and scheduled appointments with pdoc and T but it wont be until the February. I think we may have a family movie night tonight. We normally have dates 2x a month but as of late just looking at each other or the others voice drives us up the wall. I'm going to try to pour a bubble bath and massage for him tomorrow if today goes okay. He's very agitated today. We'll see, thanks guys.