[swheaton]

I feel like I am heading into a downward spiral...any drama and I fall apart. Just three days ago, I was fine and level and have been for some time. Something happens in my personal life and I have those nagging thoughts of death.

How do I battle being obsessed with death at times like these?

[BlueInanna]

Hi and welcome. You're in the right place.

The death thoughts are a battle. Personally what works for me is to tell a friend, preferably one who just listens really well, ride it out and hope they pass eventually. This happened the other day, I have a doctor friend and texted him. He said, stay in bed and cry, don't do anything. So that's what I did. Last night, he texted me suicidal, so even 1 friend to text or online even can make a huge difference.

[hamster-bamster]

The good thing is it is situational for you. It is not fully endogenous - as opposed to, you know, people in the best of circumstances being unable to shake the thoughts of death. In your case, there is actually something that bothers you. Something objective. So you are overreacting to objectively negative circumstances.

[BlueInanna]

It's like that for me too. It's like those thoughts are my bad habit go-to place when I'm triggered by personal life drama and everything looks like doom. It is overreacting, catastrophic thinking, in hindsight, but so hard to change it to more rational thinking.

[swheaton]

I tend to respond negatively when any stressful situations arise. Blue, I have just shared my feelings with my husband and he didn't overreact like I thought I would. He is concerned and is rightfully so. Having it be situational is a change, so I must be getting better in a way.

I just hate these thoughts.

[swheaton]

Originally Posted by BlueInanna

It's like that for me too. It's like those thoughts are my bad habit go-to place when I'm triggered by personal life drama and everything looks like doom. It is overreacting, catastrophic thinking, in hindsight, but so hard to change it to more rational thinking.

Thank you!

[BipolaRNurse]

Originally Posted by BlueInanna

It's like that for me too. It's like those thoughts are my bad habit go-to place when I'm triggered by personal life drama and everything looks like doom. It is overreacting, catastrophic thinking, in hindsight, but so hard to change it to more rational thinking.

Blue, you nailed it! Now, if you could give me a clue as to how to fix it, I'd be much obliged.

[BlackPup]

For a long time I had the same battles but its been better for a couple of years now. I don't know if its having a good med combo, which definitely helps, or if its been a change in my attitude. I did a lot of work in therapy about accepting myself mistakes and all; and my faith helps too because I believe that even when I make mistakes God still loves me. Once I came to accept those things - suicide stopped being my go to place for everything I did wrong or every mean thing that happened to me.
Remember that nobody is perfect so you are allowed to do things that are not perfect too. Hope this helps

i know for me...
especially lately with doubling my doseages of meds...
I lean on the meds. I can feel them throughout the day and they comfort me lately.
I lean on them to cope and not have to have choices on things that trigger me.
sounds bad, I know, but they have also helped dramatically with this kind of thinking.

heh.

i can't count the times i've had the battle with the death thoughts- but for me, it's not situation... they just happen

al the time i'm going back and fourth back and fourth.. i end up in a cycle of- well if i die this will happen but this won't, bu if i live- then i'll have 1 thing, but not another.

it's a pain..

[swheaton]

Thank you all. I'm still having the same thoughts, but I know I will be okay. Stress is something I struggle with...at least today, I didn't cry and my chest didn't feel tired with sadness.

It's just crap to have to deal with this. My meds were changed in August and they seem to be working...at least I'm not looking for a way out.

[wotchermuggle]

Originally Posted by swheaton

I feel like I am heading into a downward spiral...any drama and I fall apart. Just three days ago, I was fine and level and have been for some time. Something happens in my personal life and I have those nagging thoughts of death.

How do I battle being obsessed with death at times like these?

This is exactly what happens to me! You think you're doing awesome, then one thing happens and you are spiraling.

Therapy helps me a lot. I don't know what else to tell you, but I wanted to let you know you're not alone.

[BlueInanna]

Originally Posted by swheaton

Thank you all. I'm still having the same thoughts, but I know I will be okay. Stress is something I struggle with...at least today, I didn't cry and my chest didn't feel tired with sadness.

It's just crap to have to deal with this. My meds were changed in August and they seem to be working...at least I'm not looking for a way out.

Glad you had a better day. You have lucidity amidst the sadness and "thoughts", so that's a really good thing! It is total crap to deal with bp. The Naturopath Doctor friend I mentioed before, who prob also would get a bpII dx and has some serious suicidal ideations but he is in custody battle, tells me to ride the waves. I'm pretty sick of waves tbh, but we just gotta deal with em, look for new coping skills to learn.

[swheaton]

I managed to have some positive thought today..my life is good, just wish I could be more grateful.

Thank you all! I am so relieved to have found you