New here...

Just wanted to say "Hey..." Share my introduction with you all. Can't post the link, so ill copy & paste from my ew member intro...

But not to my disorders. Hello. I'm 27. Im a female. Ive been dx with bipolar 2 since 17 years old. Was under psych care for about 7 years prior to receiving that dx & finally getting proper treatment. They treated me for depression, anxiety- over medicated me with inappropriate meds for my size & age. I started cutting when I was 10. As a preteen-teenage girl apparently I wasn't to be taken seriously despite my full honesty regarding symptoms and my extensive family history of mental illness (parent with schizoaffective, sibling of said parent & their child also with schizoaffective, other sibling of said parent with schizophrenia. Many many relatives with likely misdiagnosed "depression..." in the early 1900s, relatives in psych hospitals for "fits..." How many other undiagnosed relatives, I can't even count) I remember even before that- when I was very small- my moods weren't "normal." Never felt "normal." Anyway... Other dx include OCD, GAD, social phobia. Have had psychotic features periodically through all f this. Always have been good at putting on a happy face, lying through my teeth, maintaining. But dying inside. As many others have, I've went through many "I don't want to take meds anymore" phases, cut ties with docs, crashed, found new docs, back on meds & repeat. Finally accepted I can't do this without treatment, was incredibly stable for 3yrs, haven't cut since then. Had a great therapist who taught me some great tools & tricks to keep myself grounded & safe. But then depakote started messing with my liver function, I got freaked out, stopped all meds for nearly a year- lasted so long because I was hypomanic for a much of that whole period. Always with the happy face, though. And as always- crashed, burned & now the embers are cooling. Im back on treatment, working my way toward the right combo. Trying some stuff that i haven't tried before. Think we're getting there but tough because my tolerance is high, but it's not my first time at the rodeo... I'm trying to keep patient, trying to keep calm. Always maintaining.


So that's a little bit of my story.


What else? ...My parents divorced when I was very, very little. I'm a military kid, but since I was raised by a single mom, didn't have to move around. I love my mom. Shes still learning how to deal with me. She doesn't understand. I have been with my incredibly caring, incredibly patient fiancé for 7 years... My best friend & the only person I've ever "let in..." The only one Ive ever trusted to see me for what I am. We have 3 dogs & they're my heart. I also keep live invertebrates. I'm a cardiac RN. Most days i don't really eat. I drink too much coffee. I smoke too many cigarettes. I should be skinny. Sometimes I drink too much alcohol. I have a lot of tattoos & still have some piercings. I look really normal in scrubs (have to wear long sleeves shirts year round, though). I like cartoons. I like bones. I read a lot. I like horror movies. I like metal, underground hip hop, punk rock, OLD country, classic rock. I like art. I like comic books.


I don't like myself.


I don't know what else to say.


So... Hey

Welcome to PC. Hope we can help you through this journey and with 10 years experience I'm sure you can help all of us too. Good luck finding your right med combo, that's a tough time keep posting and let us know how it's going.

Welcome to PC

Glad you found us!

I'm pleased to meet you, Chupacabra, and I'm glad you found this site. You stopped me short with the list of all the great things you like followed by your not liking you ...
But that isn't unusual around here.
Keep coming back, post a lot. Welcome.
roadie

Hi, Glad you are here!

Nice to meet you.

Hi guys Thanks for the welcome wishes.

Hi! Welcome to PC.

Hey, I'm new here, too. I was first diagnosed with MDD, then Dysthymia, then Bipolar II, so I know what it's like to have a bunch of people try to tell you with complete certainty what you have while not knowing what goes on in your head. You're not the only one who dislikes yourself, either; I bet a lot of people with mood disorders feel this way. So welcome to Psych Central, and know you're not alone. <3