Hi just checking in

I have been reading posts, put haven't felt up to responding.
I hope everyone is doing ok.
I feel like sh...it . Don't now if it is grief or bipolar, or both. I have become a hermit. It seems right at the moment..
I am stoned right now extra Ativan and Benadryl,it feels good for the moment.

In all my years I have never have been audited, well I am now. I won a 20,000 lawsuit because they did an INVASIVE body cavity search in the ER in 2011.
My lawyer messed up and turned in the wrong form. Now I have to clean up the mess with the IRS.

Oh, and I have to file a civil action. The weekend after my son died, we made the mistake of purchasing a golden retriever pup. We talked at length with the breeder about our situation and she said go ahead it will help. Well by Sunday night we realized we weren't ready. On Monday my husband called the breeder,
She said bring it back when I sell it you will get your money back. he sold it and won't give us our money back.

I am living from meds to meds. Will it get better I have no idea. I want to start going around to known drug corners with a sign and bull horn. My husband says you will get shot and I say so....

I say my PDOC on Thursday, waste of time, he only closed his eyes about 4 times.

Over and Out

SPeed 3 Zoom Zoom

Good to hear from you, Speed. It sounds as though you are very much into trying
to live your life as best you can. Good. Keep at it, and keep in touch.

I was thinking about you last night and wondering how you are getting along. If the new medications are helping, I'd request to keep that up for a while as you continue to adjust.

Sorry about the puppy. I know you will be ready for one soon. Tell them to give
you a puppy from the next litter if you wish to have it. Otherwise, you can always
take them into civil court over it, although I wonder sometimes if dealing with people like that is worth our time and effort.

Take care.

No I am not doing good, No new meds just more of the old. I have canceled everything grief counselor, art therapist, and I keep the phone turned off.
I want to take the the whole bottle of Ativan and my blood pressure meds.
I keep taking a few Ativan here and there. I lost count. I do know I took 100mg of Benadryl. I am torn between my husband knowing I found the new bottle of Ativan and taking it all. There are 180 2mg tabs.

Such a contrary to be in !

Zoom Zoom

Should have put that symol

((((((( Speed3 )))))))
so much pain and no relief, I can't begin to find words ...
your life has been devastated by loss--do you and husband talk about any of this, any of feelings you may both have?
I understand the instinct to crawl into a hole of numbness and try to stop feeling but there is no certainty, you may damage yourself and remain helpless ...
please consider other options, maybe even something we can do to help?

No my husband doesn't want to talk. He has gone back to work and has many friends.
I stay home on disability and have no friends.
I keep thinking I spent my adult life without a mother and no I will spent the rest of my life with out my only child.
There really is no reason to go on. I have known that. I just keep going on if you want to call it that.
Wake up at 5:00 am take my meds go to sleep at 7 am. Wake up at 11:30 am. Take more meds at 2:00. Eat dinner and go to bed at 7:00 pm. I never change my clothes, leave the house our talk to anyone.

Is this living ?

glad to see you here. I'm sorry you had to take civil action and are dealing with the IRS. Can your husband go with you to pdoc to explain how bad your doing? Please find out about IOP.

Hi Speed,
I have wondered how you have been doing, so thanks for checking in. Since both you and your husband are dealing with grief, both in your own way, is there any way that you are able to talk with someone sometimes? A therapist, a neighbor, a family member-someone? I know you have a decent supply of meds now, but you will have to talk to your doctor eventually, maybe you should consider seeing him sooner rather than later.

Meanwhile, Speed, keep checking in. We are here to listen.

Bluemountains

My heart goes out to you as I listen to your story, Speed. I know it doesn't seem like it sometimes, but it will get better. It might take longer than we would like it to sometimes, but it will get better.

That is a lot that you are having to deal with, and while I've never gone through what you're going through I can imagine the pain you must be in. Try to keep posting in here and keep fighting. If you're pdoc isn't helpful, maybe try finding a therapist or a counselor to help you work through things.

Hi Speed3,
U have a lot on ur plate...grief, taxes, refund & lawsuit. I really hope things get better. If therapy isn't helping you could look into a grief support group. Be careful being a hermit for a long time....depression might set in. Well I've seen it happen to ppl. I'll be sure to pray for you.

Speed, if it's necessary to take it one moment at a time, please do so. Get up when
you awaken in the A.M. and make yourself take a shower, even if you put back on
clean pajamas; start a routine that will help you feel better, please.

Keep in touch with us. I wonder how you are when we don't hear from you.

Thanks for popping in ; I'm so sorry to hear the hurt in your post. Please keep posting here and let us try to comfort you.

Thanks to all
I'll try, that is all I can do now.

Trying is just fine; keep at it--one moment at a time.

Keep in touch, please.

I agree with gentic, that you need to build yourself a routine. Get up and get cleaned and dressed. It really does help. Maybe go outside once a day. Even if it's just to stand on the back porch and take in 5 minutes of sunlight. The vitamin D may help you. Seeing the sky may help. Sometimes being inside all the time can make you feel like a prisoner.

And give your grief time. Every day, every moment, one step at a time. That's all you can do.