[Secretum]

So, today I had an exam in my philosophy class on utopia. Unfortunately, I had a lot of other things going on this week, and wasn't able to study for it as thoroughly as I'd like. I was pretty nervous about how unprepared I was, and I guess that it must have shown because when I went to turn my test in, my professor kindly patted me gently on the arm, as if to say "it's alright; take a deep breath".

I thought that she was attractive from the first day of class... but I think that a lot of people are hot. It's just that when she touched me...my attraction to her multiplied by 10!

Darn, I wish that I had studied harder for that exam. lol Well, now I have the rest of the semester to impress her and make up for the poor grade I'm probably going to get on this exam.

I got over a 100% in my Old English class freshman year because I was attracted to the prof. Professor crushes are good for the GPA! haha But bad if you ever want to be in a real relationship, due to the fact that no professor who values her job would risk an affair with a student...

[Travelinglady]

True, student/professor relationships are a no-no. At least you realize that, and as you say, attractions have helped your grades!

[hamster-bamster]

Originally Posted by Secretum

no professor who values her job would risk an affair with a student...

Aren't you in Europe though? I am not sure about their situation with this issue. It might be different from the one in the US.

That said... I went to the city of my grad alma mater (a big state school in the US) for the Presidents' Day weekend and got updated on gossip.

So many years ago I worked for one of the male professors as a TA. I found him of average attractiveness in terms of looks and of less than mediocre attractiveness in terms of personality. I cannot even describe him - he was so nondescript. He was a good catch for the department, so he negotiated a big perk as part of his job offer - his wife was offered a position, too. I do not remember whether it was a tenure track position or just a lecturer position. But at any rate, they worked for the same department, in the same building.

To make the long story short, one day his wife found a female student under his desk while he was sitting at the desk. A big scandal ensued, and in the course of the scandal it was discovered that he had a long list of affairs. How he managed to woo so many female students given his less than optimal attractiveness is beyond me. Clearly, there was something about him that was good and I just missed it in its entirety. He also barely talked, and in my experience, you have to be able to do at least some amount of small talk to fare well with women. So my only explanation of this phenomenon is that the problem was on my end - he simply did not find me in the least bit interesting so he did not care to talk to me, hence I remained unaware of his brilliance, sense of humor, and other positive attributes.

Result 1 - they got divorced.

Result 2 - he is still employed.

[hamster-bamster]

Originally Posted by Secretum

no professor who values her job would risk an affair with a student...

It is true that in my US universities there is a blanket rule about it, which is an overkill. What is not "kosher" is the use of power in the context of a sexual relationship. So a professor should not be in a relationship with her current student. This is so for two reasons:

- the professor has power over the student and hence can abuse the power to extract sexual favors from the otherwise unwilling student; that is abuse of power and that is clearly very bad

- the professor can inflate the student's grade beyond what is earned in reality (this is an issue in the context of gradable essays - with computerized multiple choice tests, it is a non-issue) and that is unfair to the classmates of the student in question.

Both abuse of power and unfairness are bad things, so those are valid reasons to prohibit a relationship. Beyond that, it is just fear of liability. So it is quite possible that where you are you can have a relationship with her AFTER you complete the coursework.

I met with my former colleague who is now dating a guy from her team, in a large tech company. They disclosed the dating relationship to the management and were asked not to write each other's performance reviews. That is a reasonable approach. They can stay on one team (she enjoys working with him around) provided they do not try to inflate each other's performance scores via writing positive reviews.

In law firms, a partner who dates an associate does not contribute his/her opinion in the review if the associate is considered for a partner. Same reasoning - fairness/abuse of power.

[hamster-bamster]

Originally Posted by Secretum

So, today I had an exam in my philosophy class on utopia.

Old English class

These are both fascinating subjects and I can definitely see how people who self select into teaching them would be attractive and charismatic. I studied a very dry, boring subject hence I managed to have one professor crush total in many years of schooling, which was definitely a deficiency of the whole educational process for me.

So you are doing well and I am glad that the attractions help to improve the GPA!

[BlueInanna]

Well maybe now you ask for some special tutoring from Señora
Could turn out well...

[hamster-bamster]

Originally Posted by BlueInanna

Well maybe now you ask for some special tutoring from Señora
Could turn out well...

What a great idea

[cocoabeans]

Here in Canada professors will have relationships with students. Usually it happens after the course work is done but, I've heard of it during too. I don't know if it is scandalous but, no one really seems to care when it's gossiped about. University students are adults and can make their choices.

Never even crossed my mind about the grades. Maybe it's because I was in Arts and social sciences and grades are seen as arbitrary measures secondary to subject matter and we know, unless you're planning on grad school no one cares what your gpa was when you have a BA. Heck, few employers could care about your BA at all. That isn't why you're there and C's get degrees even some Ds will get you there but really, if you can't get an A in the arts when you want one, you really should not be in university.

[venusss]

Our middle eastern studies prof had affairs with students.... it wasn't really problem (no, I never had anything with him. *sight*)

Study hard and enjoy the eye candy

[Darth Bane]

i just opened psychcentral after 5 busy days.... and noticed this topic.... well i really missed you guys ...
and secretum you are so funny!!!!!!!

[hamster-bamster]

Originally Posted by VenusHalley

Our middle eastern studies prof had affairs with students.... it wasn't really problem (no, I never had anything with him. *sight*)

Study hard and enjoy the eye candy

Sigh, not sight, right?

After I posted yesterday, I recalled that I was not taking that one poor little class during which I had a crush on the professor for grade. According to the rules that seem reasonable to me now, I could go ahead. Instead, I wasted a whole long spring semester, believing it was not appropriate to go ahead. Life is too short for that.

[venusss]

Sigh is right.

But I am manicky, and currently studying two other languages. And a dyslectic. I deserve a damn break.

International Relations department had hotties. English and lit. teachers... not so much. Those that looked so-so were gay. *oh memories*

[hamster-bamster]

In the US gay men gravitate to the academia, especially in these sort of subjects, too.

[hamster-bamster]

Originally Posted by cocoabeans

Here in Canada professors will have relationships with students. Usually it happens after the course work is done but, I've heard of it during too. I don't know if it is scandalous but, no one really seems to care when it's gossiped about. University students are adults and can make their choices.

.

That is true. Students and graduate students are adults.

But psychotherapy patients who are adults also can make their own choices. Yet, it sort of feels wrong to allow therapists to sleep with the clients. Don't you agree? There is something besides being an adult. A therapy relationship can be exploitet. No?

[Travelinglady]

Yes, the issue is the nature of the relationship. Someone who is in a position of authority over another can be seen as taking advantage. If such a relationship is allowed in some places, then I still recommend that the student or patient only get involved after the formal relationship has ended.

[BlueInanna]

Originally Posted by cocoabeans

Here in Canada professors will have relationships with students. Usually it happens after the course work is done but, I've heard of it during too. I don't know if it is scandalous but, no one really seems to care when it's gossiped about. University students are adults and can make their choices.

Never even crossed my mind about the grades. Maybe it's because I was in Arts and social sciences and grades are seen as arbitrary measures secondary to subject matter and we know, unless you're planning on grad school no one cares what your gpa was when you have a BA. Heck, few employers could care about your BA at all. That isn't why you're there and C's get degrees even some Ds will get you there but really, if you can't get an A in the arts when you want one, you really should not be in university.

University students and professors... hot combo in my opinion... why not live it up. I knew a guy who ended up marrying his film class professor, she was almost 20 years older, they had a child... but divorced now.

Now your 2nd part, Cocoa - either you're not making sense, or trying to do some one-upmanship, or I just don't understand. Can you explain?

[cocoabeans]

Second part, sorry being an *** probably but, I think lots of arts an social sciences classes are easy As when you get the subject matter and if you're studying a BA, you better be doing it for its intrinsic value because otherwise why not just go into a professional field or trade?

First part, difference between profs and students and therapist and patient. Students are just there acquiring learning, profs are a research tool the "expert in the field" in an environment that promotes critical thinking and it isn't a power position. It's very different than a high school teachers position where teachers have authority over students. In university profs are more like peers who happen to be very knowledgable in certain subject matter.

Therapists are in a position of power and influence and their clients are there because they've got some kind of impaired thinking or problem and are giving up their own problematic behaviors and thinking to what is taught in therapy, ideally anyway haha. Much easier for a therapist to take advantage than some guy who just happens to know a lot about Victorian literature no?

[BlueInanna]

Thanks for explaining, yea I think u were being a small ***. A's aren't easy to get. We all have our different strengths and weaknesses. Add on a mood disorder and school grades can become very unpredictable.

Agree high school teacher or therapist romance is a whole different category, I won't even go there.

[venusss]

Originally Posted by hamster-bamster

That is true. Students and graduate students are adults.

But psychotherapy patients who are adults also can make their own choices. Yet, it sort of feels wrong to allow therapists to sleep with the clients. Don't you agree? There is something besides being an adult. A therapy relationship can be exploitet. No?

people are in therapy because they are mess. They are in university for their brains (not saying you cannot be mess stimultaously (sp?)...

I read somewhere that for relationship to work man should have higher degree... so I really shoulda lusted after my profs more

[hamster-bamster]

Read the ads of most Bay Area therapist in psychology today, online. How do the try to woo new patients? Improving relationships...personal growth...depression and anxiety...communication skills... so basically trying to get pretty normal people to come in. Nobody is trying to recruit delusional patients in the middle of a crisis. They see people in crisis, but that is not how they advertise. They advertize primarily therapy for personal growth, in other words, in this scenario it is not a 'mess' situation but a 'for the brains' situation instead. Should an exemption to the rule be made in that scenario?

[hamster-bamster]

Meaning, a person who seeks to grow should be in position of having enough good judgment for himself or herself to make decisions regarding affairs.

[venusss]

Tbh, I don't get why people want to marry/be adopted by their therapists. If I ever spill all my secrets to somebody... I'd love for them to make a blood oath that they will never speak of it And to be with such person in relationship? It's just.... weird to me.

(my horror scenario is that I go to T... then find a boyfriend/girlfriend... to find later they are my T's child. Oh my).

[hamster-bamster]

Your horror scenario cracks me up.

Regarding professor crushes, yeah, it would have been nice, I think it is sort of a rite of passage in the academe, so I am glad that I at least managed to log one in elementary school and one in grad school, but you can still enroll in a PhD program later on.

[cocoabeans]

No exceptions for normals because they're still there for some problem and the power/authority of the therapist still exists.

[hamster-bamster]

Looking back, I actually would have avoided a suicide attempt had affairs with therapists been OK.