[Secretum]

I love my mother dearly, but she has a hard time understanding my need for independence. All my life, she's sought to control what I did, what I wore, even what I thought...To protect my identity, I hid myself from the world and became very secretive.

I've had it with hiding. I've given most of my secrets away. I'm sick of being a child; I want to grow up and live by my own rules.

But for the time being, I am living with my parents. And my recent bout of illness has given my mom more excuses to try and control my behavior.

I mentioned that I wanted to go to grad school in Washington DC; she responded that I should try to stay closer to home for my mental health.

I can't even drink a glass of wine without her asking if "I should really be drinking on my medications." ONE glass of wine, not the entire bottle! I was on the same meds a few months ago, and she didn't care if I drank then. It's just now that I had a mini-breakdown and had to be sent home from Europe, she thinks she has an excuse to tighten the reigns.

She has recently read an article on things that can set off an episode in bipolar patients, and now she wants me to live in a stress-free bubble. How can I explain to her that I understand the risks of moving across the country, drinking some wine, etc....and that I think that they are risks worth taking? I don't want to arrange my entire life around this illness.

I know that I am lucky to have a mom who loves me enough to care about my health. And admittedly, this is much better than when she was in denial about me having bipolar. But still...I can't live as a child any longer. I hated being a child, having ideas and being told that they didn't matter because I was too young...I'm ready to be an adult! To have some influence in this world!

I'm extremely non-confrontational (I never fought with my mom; even as a teenager, I simply conformed to all of her rules to avoid conflict). I really don't want to hurt her. But this is my life, and I refuse to live so mildly I might as well not be living at all simply to avoid something that will inevitably happen anyway.

Thanks

[~Christina]

I think what you want is possible. Maybe write a letter about just what you talked about here....

My daughter moved 3 states away 2 years ago and she is also Bipolar I. Of course I didnt want her to move away, but she wanted too and felt it was what she wanted/needed to do, Her destination had more to offer than the tiny town I live in... She has had a few bumps in the Bipolar road, but she coped and did what she needed to do to remain healthy. Her and I text daily and talk often .. In fact today I sent here a picture of a cute new pair of shoes I bought the other day .. She texted me back a picture of her foot that had the same pair on and bought them 3 days ago ! LOL we got a kick out of how similar we are in stuff.

Maybe reassure your Mom that you know how this will difficult for her and you don't want to hurt her but.... growing up and out is the natural way of things .

She probably won't be agreeable to everything, but baby steps maybe all you can get from her right now..

I hope you can start making progress in forging your own life.