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#1
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I have been dating someone for about four months who is bipolar (medicated and sees a therapist once a week). He only admitted it to me this week after I confronted him.. but it was obvious to me. He is definitely going through a maniac phase where he feels the following:
· His feels very sharp to him ·He wakes up early to do work · Has so many new ideas he cant work on them all - He can spend hours and hours at a store analyzing products to come up with new ideas (target, supermarket, etc) - Stops a conversation because he needs to write down an idea ·Jumps from one idea to another. · Hard for him to stay in one place... paces/ moves around I am actually quite attractive on aspects of how his mind works.. I mean he is so creative and smart.. Has an MBA..etc. Anyway- the other day i asked for him for more than what we currently had. Meaning seeing each other more and getting more serious. His response was that I am every thing on his check list very attractive, smart, from a good family, very educated, great to talk with, he likes me, etc. But he said was scared because he is 38 and am worried what if I wasnt the one and wast each others time. However, we both decided to commit more effort and to at least give it a chance since we both like each other. That night he didnt sleep at all. He called me the next day.. and said he was pacing for two hours before talking to me.. and the following: - Last few months he has created a routine.. and he feels he has been more productive as ever and he doesnt want to mess that up and he feels that I may disrupt that. And that he cant focus on me.. and that his ideas are the most important. And he feels very guilty that I am second to his routine. I was heart broken.. but I wasn;t sure if this his mania talking or if this had to do with us. I told him.. that I support his routine and that my intentions are not to change or disrupt it. We agree on the following: 1) we will try to be completely exclusive (including not looking on online dating sites) 2) spend more than just the weekend together and add a during the week time 3) I will go with him to his therapist I really like him a lot and we have so much in common.. I was wondering if any one can provide me any advice or thoughts. I never dated someone who was bipolar and not sure how to handle this situation and if I just should walk away. |
#2
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Many relationships with bipolars don't work out. That said, I am a bipolar married to a bipolar--for almost 25 years.
I suggest you find some books on understanding bipolars. Remember that the other side is depression, which can "appear" as like laziness, wanting to stay in bed all the time, complaining, anger, deep sense of sadness, etc. In some ways, it might be worse than the mania. |
#3
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I don't know if I could do it, But kudos to you. I am recently divorced and am not ready to date. I can't even stand to be around myself, much less someone else and I wonder how accepting someone would be of me if they knew I had Bipolar Disorder... it's scary.
Just remember - and this goes for everyone, mental illness or not. You can't change anyone, you can only change yourself. It took an 18 year marriage failing and a couple of years in weekly psychotherapy before that made it through my thick skull. Habits are hard to break! So if there are deal breakers, look seriously at that one. If you can honestly tell yourself that you will and can deal with it come Hell or high water, it might have a chance. Get as educated as you can. Know that it is a complex illness and affects everyone just slightly different. Keep asking and hopefully we can help you out in that regard. |
#4
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Since per your report he thinks that you are "smart... very educated" and you not only agree with this assessment of you that he made but actually welcome it, I would choose my words more carefully if I were you. At the very least, "acknowledged". Other than that, everything looks great and his willingness to take you along to his therapist appointment looks especially promising. Good luck. |
![]() hanners
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#5
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I agree, H-B. I missed out on the part about going to see a therapist together. That does sound promising.
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![]() hamster-bamster
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#6
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I agree you should go to his therapist with him. Take it slow and realize you need to be patient with him. Mania brings out a whole different aspect than depression. You may want to find out things from him if he is willing, such as if he has paranoia (which can turn into issues if he suddenly has paranoia about you.) Maybe ask what his pattern in depression has been, (isolating, sleeping a lot, not getting things done, etc.) So you can have some awareness.
I'm married 8 years now and have 3 kids. I'm untreated and you know, it can be a bit of a rollercoaster. But my husband and kids are really important to me and my wellness. So, even if we have some challenges thanks to me, it's totally worth it.
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#7
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My husband and I both have bipolar. Of course, I didn't even think to recognize manic behavior as "sick" until a few years ago. I thought everyone was like that from time to time.
My advice, even if someone had a diagnosis and is in the midst of an episode, it is not an excuse to treat you poorly or a reason for you to put up with it.
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#8
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I can relate to him. I broke up with the guy I was dating for similar reasons. I always feel so bad that I am wasting guys' time being involved with me, because nothing ever works out. I've gone out with 3 guys in the last 2 years (and this last guy I dated 2 diff times in the last year) Good luck though, hopefully it works out for you guys.
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#9
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#10
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I agree that spending more time with him will help you two get to know one another. Living is learning I say. Sounds like he is ready to take that step and so are you...another thing you have in common.
What it all comes down to is that "It's better to have loved and lost than to never have never been loved at all"...forgot to said that. |
#11
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As far as the wishy-washy of his feelings for the relationship right now take everything with a grain of salt mania usually makes you want to change everything.
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Dx: Me- SzA Husband- Bipolar 1 Daughter- mood disorder+ Comfortable broken and happy "So I don't know why I'm tongue tied At the wrong time when I need this."- P!nk My blog |
#12
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![]() Good luck |
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