[Secretum]

Lately, it seems that people are taking my symptoms too seriously. My therapist in Rome sending me home, my mom telling me that I shouldn't drink wine and should stay close to home...it's really annoying to have everyone look at me like I'm "sick" and "fragile".

But at least I feel like they care enough to notice that something is wrong.

I was talking to my grandma on the phone tonight, and she mentioned that she thought that I was "too normal" to have bipolar. She thought that I sought out this dx because I read about it and overidentified with the symptoms.

As annoying as it is to be taken too seriously, not being taken seriously at all hurts worse, in my opinion. I spent the next forty minutes wondering if I'm making all my symptoms up, if I could be a "normal" healthy person if only I'd put forth the effort...

It took me years to get diagnosed because no one understood that I was in pain. My parents didn't get it, the social worker at my school said I wasn't depressed because my sleep was normal (she even chided me for coming to see her with such "mild" problems. "Some people who come to see me need to go to the hospital!" Well, isn't it generally a good idea to catch things before they get to that point?!). No one got that I was hurting; no one could see through my mask.

So as annoying as all of this coddling and concern over my current mental health is, I'll take it. To me, it's better than the opposite.

Have you guys experienced this phenomenon of either being taken way to seriously or not seriously at all? Which extreme do you hate more?

[manicminer]

You betcha. My first p-doc in the p-ER dx'd me within 5 minutes of talking with my bc my symptoms fit those in the bp manual to a T.

My third p-doc, first in WV, said he didn't even know if it was bp, maybe just a mood condition brought on by my alcohol abuse.

I have friends that know full well I have a serious illness, others that will never accept it.

Rather frustrating to say the least. Not to mention all the second guessing myself it causes.

[Victoria'smom]

Most of my family does not accept my dx. I'd rather no one took it seriously then to serious. Growing up no one took it seriously so I still get surprised when T or Pdoc take me seriously.

[Nessa213]

I think it's the second guessing of myself that gets me down the most. I can 100%, wholeheartedly identity with what you're feeling when you wonder if it's really real and perhaps "I'm just not trying hard enough".

I personally don't tell very many people. I've told a total of 5 people and that includes my husband and my mother. But even if I sideways mention it to someone who I haven't really told yet, the familiar "oh, so you've self diagnosed?" can seriously sting. Oh, or I LOVE the "yeah the weather always gets me down too"... or other things to that effect. Or "oh yeah... I have those kind of A.D.D. days all the time too!"

(I apologize... my temper is quite touchy at the moment.)

All of that said, I've felt the sting of both. And if anything, the sting of caring too much hurts at least a bit less. So I'd take that.

[hamster-bamster]

Secretum, does the grandma know about psychosis?

[Meisjes]

its really hard to know who to talk to at first. People can be so ignorant in their comments because they just don't know. They don't know how to handle it and they don't know what to say that would be helpful. the person who has the dx has to weigh wether its safe to talk or safer to keep it to themself. I spent 30+ years second guessing myself then decided I have to decide for myself what I believe about my dx, about my experiences, about my life. I knew the truth but if anyone told me - no its not like that, its like this - I could doubt myself for months on end. now I care less about what other people think and more about what I know to be the truth. I don't have to explain myself to everyone either. Still have spells but can work through them without others validation more of the time.

[newtus]

id rather be taken too seriously.
only my dad takes me too seriously. pdoc does too.
but theres those people that dont...
its extremely hurtful.

my sister is a T! and she accused me looking up symptoms and faking them! i love her but i dont feel the same about her as i used to after she said that. its not that i willingly dont - i just cant. - cause what she said hit deep.

and then theres my mom who thinks psychiatry is all crap and thinks i need to just see a psychic! she says i need to be aware of spirits and go see a psychic about my past life. she tried to get me an exorcism!

Originally Posted by Miguel'smom

Most of my family does not accept my dx. I'd rather no one took it seriously then to serious. Growing up no one took it seriously so I still get surprised when T or Pdoc take me seriously.

Your family should accept whatever you tell them to accept. It's your moods. I've had it with people who want to pitch in on my diagnosis. I don't accept it.
How could they possibly think they have something new to tell me? The arrogance is shocking.

[faerie_moon_x]

I would rather be taken too seriously, too. Because, like you say, even if it's annoying at least you know they care and are trying to help.

I was completely ignored and never taken seriously. And I think the time when I needed it the most, people actually "played along" and discovering that was a horrible, horrible thing to learn.

I understand what you mean when people say "you're too normal to have BP." It's dumb because a lot of times their only knowledge of it is probably from media which makes us all look like violent, abusive crazy people. Or it's some story they heard from someone about someone elses experience....

i'm used to people just shrugging, and walking away when i tell them how i'm feeling, so i think in my view, i'd rather be taken too seriously.

you can never be too careful- and also it beats all the stigma of.. ah you're faking it, get over it, all that.

i'm fed up with all that

[newtus]

the most hurtful thing someone can tell me is that im faking mental illness.

[gillgirl]

I can agree with second guessing yourself. I did it for years and that is why it has taken me so long to be diagnosed. The second guessing stemmed from not being taken seriously enough by my dad when I first started having problems. Still to this day my dad thinks I'm "faking it and crazy."

I have to agree that it hurts more to have someone not take you seriously than overly dote on you. Doting just makes things more difficult sometimes, more of a frustration than hurting.

Secretum, it's like asking if the porridge is too hot, too cold, or just right. Don't eat
the cold or the hot, but listen where it is just right. You know, pay no attention to those who won't respond appropriately, ignore those who take it too deeply, and pay
close attention to those who are just right in their estimation of things.

We have to use our knowledge of ourselves.

"That's normal, you know"
"I'm sure you would feel better if you just got out of bed"
"Maybe you're just stressed"
..........................
Yeah, and maybe you're just a douche.

As others have said, both extremes suck. I suppose I'm most used to people not believing me, and now my pdoc is acting like things are really bad, I'm not sure what to do or who to believe (him or me or the bunch of previous pdocs who acted like I was just attention seeking)? I was only diagnosed bp2 in Oct and now he's considering schizophrenia/schizoaffective cos he says the voices are too bad to be just bp. I feel like he's overreacting...maybe because I haven't really accepted being bp yet, let alone something worse!

Anyway, the point I'm (badly) trying to make is that I often wonder the same thing, and I'm not sure which is worse

*Willow*

[Trippin2.0]

I actually, surprizingly vote for too seriously (in the medical sense) My experience with pdocs and T's is that because I'm so "highly intelligent" and "incredibly insightful" I have only ever needed urgent care once due to psychosis. It kinda made me feel like "now wtf am I paying you people for?" funny how my intelligence lead to me feeling invalidated.

In a non-medical setting though, I vote the opposite. I dont want people all up in my grill about how to live my life, or walking on eggshells because I just might blow.

I like the setup I have now. I exhibit mental/emotional distress, and they all leave me the fk alone until I have successfully surfed the wave. For depressive waves though, my brother drags me out my room to watch stoner movies. Honestly, I think he gets sick and tired of hearing me wailing or singing in between sobs, as opposed to wanting to help ME

I also sometimes like it when loved ones have the decency to worry.

[ultramar]

Originally Posted by Nessa213

I think it's the second guessing of myself that gets me down the most. I can 100%, wholeheartedly identity with what you're feeling when you wonder if it's really real and perhaps "I'm just not trying hard enough".

I personally don't tell very many people. I've told a total of 5 people and that includes my husband and my mother. But even if I sideways mention it to someone who I haven't really told yet, the familiar "oh, so you've self diagnosed?" can seriously sting. Oh, or I LOVE the "yeah the weather always gets me down too"... or other things to that effect. Or "oh yeah... I have those kind of A.D.D. days all the time too!"

(I apologize... my temper is quite touchy at the moment.)

All of that said, I've felt the sting of both. And if anything, the sting of caring too much hurts at least a bit less. So I'd take that.

I've told very very few people. I'm afraid of misunderstanding, stigma, and it looking like I'm making excuses (it doesn't mean by telling you are, but it's something that I worry about). Personally, I think it's important to only share it with close, trusted others. I mean I wouldn't tell a co-worker, for example (unless I were very close friends with him/her).

As far as diagnosis, I'd discuss it with your psychiatrist (assuming you have one) -they can best assess, I think, and explain to you why they think you fit the criteria. By doing this, you may feel more confident in the validity of the diagnosis, if that would be helpful.

[Odee]

I'd rather be taken too seriously and not being perceived as flaky or full of excuses (although these excuses are only really given to my parents.)

It's serious to me. Being validated by others is serious for everyone.

[manicminer]

The problem I run into with being taken too seriously come from my mother. I might act up a little (putting my finger in a steak sauce bottle at a restaurant) or be talking really fast on the phone, and she immediately thinks I'm "out of control again" and freak out or cut the convo off and hang up the phone.

Another example: Soon after my hospitalization, my parents had come to visit me at school and my dad brought up my rifle so I could hunt groundhogs. Mom and I went up to my room to do some paperwork and as we were talking I unpacked some things including the gun. As I stood by her inspecting the rifle and making sure it was unloading, she freaked out asking why I had it. I told her dad brought it up for me and I was just putting it away and she started sobbing uncontrollably.

When I asked her what was wrong she explained that she had though I was going to shoot and kill her with it and that she, "Knows she doesn't want to die now."

Hurts a little to know that your own mother thinks you're a psychopath.

[Secretum]

Wow, I didn't know that having our dx not be taken seriously was so common. I thought that this was mostly my experience since I have a milder case, but I guess it's sadly much more prevalent.

Newtus, I'm sorry about your sister. What an incredibly insensitive thing to say! We know that you're not faking your illness. Hopefully in time, she'll come around and see the truth. In the meantime, try to ignore her hurtful ignorance. She can't diagnose you (or not diagnose, as the case may be) simply because she is your sister and a T. I hide a lot from my family; perhaps you're the same way? She may know you less well than most strangers, because you try to present a healthy mask to keep your family from worrying too much...

Along those same lines, no, my grandma does not know about my psychosis, or sui thoughts, or any symptoms really. She just has the dx. She suffers from really intense anxiety, and there is a rule in our family that we tell her as little as she needs to know. Several years ago, my mom was dx'd with cancer. If my dad hadn't forced her to tell, grandma would have never found out! So I know that she really isn't in the best position to judge whether I'm bp or not.

Miner, I'm so sorry about your mom. Hopefully she'll soon see that you are her son, not a label. That bipolar doesn't make you violent. That story is just heartbreaking; I can't imagine how I'd feel if my mother expected me to kill her...

[Confusedinomicon]

I wish I cared more, but I really don't. I don't really care if anyone knows I have been diagnosed with bipolar disorder. If they are going to hate me/dislike me for my disorder then why do I want to even know them?

I don't talk about it at work, though. I think that is the only place that I think it would be better for me not to say anything about it. If I have a pdoctor appointment, I just tell them I'm seeing a doctor and I'll be vague about it.