[manicdepressive07]

I'm not sure of the date exactly, but approx 2 months ago I was put back on Bipolar meds (Saphris to be exact) after having some pretty major symptoms. Ever since then life has been great and I feel totally back to normal... whatever "normal" is lol. That is until TODAY... I might just be ranting more than anything but I have to get this off my chest because I finally think I know what it truly means to feel "manic" (Since I've been on my meds I haven't felt this way till today and I forgot what it feels to have these feelings... if you ask me to describe my manic states I couldn't do it because I've felt totally normal these past few months) I also forgot that feeling manic isn't always the happy, super talkative, feeling almost "god like" symptoms, but people can get rather negative manic symptoms. That's what my mania feels like...

Basically what happened was I started feeling really anxious, impatient, and irritable for (seemingly) no reason all morning. Then my bf said he was going to leave the house for awhile and run errands and I kind of had this sigh of relief that I was going to get alone "me" time. I got up to go to the bathroom and when I came back he was sitting in bed (where I was before I got up) on his computer. I said "aren't you going to leave?" and he's like "yeah just give me a min I want to relax after that big breakfast" and for some reason the minutes seemed to go by like hours... I really wanted him gone so I could go back to what I was doing on the computer before he "swooped" my spot. I was just walking around the room picking up and could feel my irritability level scaling up and finally said something like "can you just leave already?!" He got pissed and left in a hurry... then I started feeling weird like really indecisive. I was cold and had my sweater on but then 2 mins later was too hot for it and took it off. I put my sweater on and off at least 5x... then I decided to take a nap but got up 5 mins later because I couldn't fall asleep. It was really weird... I've been in this weird, "funk" all day now. I didn't want to leave the house but had to run across town for something and driving was an absolute nightmare. I felt like everyone was driving as slow as they possibly could and when I could I would speed past them kind of like an asshole, cuz I wanted to "prove" to them they were driving to slow. I didn't honk my horn or get crazy road rage but today driving made me SUPER irritable.

Anyway... I'm home now and I apologized to my bf and everything is a lot calmer. Recently my pdoc told me to try and go from 5mg to 2.5mg of my Saphris and today is the 4th day I've been on 2.5 instead of 5. I told him I thought it was "too much" for me because it does act as a mild stimulant for me and sometimes I have trouble "getting comfortable" at night and falling asleep so he suggested I move down to 2.5mg. But after the craziness I've been feeling all day today I think 5mg might have been just fine haha! I gave him a call, waiting to hear back still... I asked if maybe instead I can take my 5mg in the morning instead of at night which might be just what I need.

Thanks for listening if you've read this for... I just needed to rant I guess. Haven't felt this way in awhile and it totally sucks :/

[Moose72]

When I was manic last year, I felt like the whole world was too slow and everybody was on the planet to serve me or they could just disappear.