[Taylor22]

Okay, so I guess I was really wondering, have any of you guys ever thought that if you didn't tell someone who you were friends with for a really long time that you had a mental illness, would you feel like you deceived them in some way???? Even if you only found out this year?

Also, should I or anyone else for that matter, really care what people think? Should we overanalyze a "moment of weakness" when we did something wrong or debatable and now we're completely unsure?

These are the thoughts that sometimes go through my head......

[hamster-bamster]

Originally Posted by Taylor22

Okay, so I guess I was really wondering, have any of you guys ever thought that if you didn't tell someone who you were friends with for a really long time that you had a mental illness, would you feel like you deceived them in some way????

No.

In what way did you deceive them?

Did you have a duty to disclose your private medical history to your friends? If so, where did that duty stem from?

[manicdepressive07]

Yep I agree with hamster... deception (to me) is purposefully lying about something and I don't think in anyway shape or form you not disclosing your personal medical history to your friends is deceitful.

To be honest I only have a few friends that know my BP diagnosis but MOST of my friends do not. It's none of their business and although I know most would still accept me and not judge me if I told them... I still see no reason to tell them!

[Debi54]

No, I don't see how you are deceiving them either. Your medical history is private and you are under no obligation to disclose it to anyone, unless you choose to. Unless you have a condition that makes you a threat to someone, which you don't, I don't see that you have to tell them. It is not deception, it is privacy.

[thumb]

I have been struggling with this too. I agree, no reason for anyone to know.

In my case, I think it would be helpful for people to better understand I was not meaning to be rude or piss them off.....I just had no idea I was mentally ill (bipolar II) until this year. Still not sure what the answer is

Best of luck, my thoughts are with you.

for me, personally,

the fact i have a mental illness is usually 1 of the first things i make clear- so that if something happened around friends or anything, they know why

i'm not ashamed of it

I'm happy I've checked out this thread. I've been worrying as well about telling friends. I lost many due to my irritable episodes. Now I think it is best to not tell somebody until they know me better, if at all.

[faerie_moon_x]

It's not an attempt to decieve. With the stigma of mental illness, it's a protection for yourself to not include someone in the information. If there are reasons to not tell them, such as you know they don't believe in mental illness and will only attack you for telling them, then it's better to keep it to yourself.

Not everyone needs to know. The majority of my family doesn't even know, because I know there isn't anything they can do and will just be judemental.

[gillgirl]

I have been struggling with the same issue. Who to tell, when to tell, how much do they need to know.

For myself I decided the people I believed could be a support system for me. Than to tell them in the here and now, leaving the past in the past.

Hope things work out for you. Thank you for asking the question.

[shery53]

I don'tell many people I have bi polar I don't think itis their business

[manicminer]

A big tunring point in my life toward wellness, was the day I stopped caring what other people think of me.

Very liberating. Takes a huge burden off your shoulders.

Just remember, you can please everyone and the first person you should be trying to please is yourself. You can't make others happy if you're not happy.

[~Christina]

I am not ashamed about my Bipolar .. I just feel no reason to tell everyone I know.

[vjdragonfly]

I divulge my illness to those I feel comfortable with this knowledge. For the most part it has been family, people who can help me along the way and would be understanding when I did mess up. In no way am I being deceptive by not telling someone. I guess the best way to put it is, if you have diabetes would you tell everyone? The same standard is set here. Hope this helps.

[BlueInanna]

I opened up and told 2 girlfriends the other night... One said she has depression probs and used to self harm and the other says her son has schizophrenia dx. I'm so grateful finally feel like I have 2 in real life, real, good friends. We're all closer now it seems. They're texting and checking in and I'm grateful. It's been a long time coming, I have barely told anyone. It's awesome to find people who are kind and understanding and not at all judgmental. Not all people are like that so I'm pretty guarded otherwise. I'm not ashamed of bp, just feel it's personal basis and hopefully my decision of who knows. I hope it's gone ok for you if you decided to tell them.

[Confusedinomicon]

I tell people if they want to know, EXCEPT for work.

I did it before and I think it was one of the reasons I didn't get hired full-time.

Outside of work, I'll tell people because I don't think it's a big deal. If they hate me because of a MI then I'm grateful they aren't in my life.

[punkypunky]

Most of my friends were like "We already knew" when I was diagnosed and told them. They said it was obvious. :-p

You have no obligation to discuss your illness with others; that's one point. The other is that if you choose to disclose your illness, you need to know the person
very well and know that he/she is intelligent enough to manage that knowledge with
discretion and compassion.

It's tied closely with taste, in my view. I discuss it here because it's an effort to
help others manage what they see as problems. I don't discuss it in social situations
or with people who I know haven't enough savvy to know what it's all about and
how to handle it with a bit of class.

The only illness I would want to be alert to in another is a psychopathic personality disorder. That one's dangerous and it carries a huge amount of pain for the victim. Even the best of people are deceived about it, but if you've ever had occasion to have to deal with one, you'll recognize it in another for ever after. It may take a while to detect it, but you'll understand it soon enough.

You are being treated for your illness and that makes you less likely to be a risk for injuring yourself or others than the 97% of bipolar people who never seek help for their illness. And unlike the bipolar patient, the psychopath never benefits from psychotherapy. He/she just gets more cunning in the ability to deceive, cheat, lie, steal, etc. There is no moral sense within them. Some of them are the serial murderers, and they just continue to live ineffective lives. That's not true of bipolar illness, particularly if one is treated for the chemical imbalance.

Please just live by your deepest inner principles and you'll be fine. Respect yourself
and others whom you can, live well, and be gentle. You'll be fine.