[Surfgod998]

So long story short a few years ago in a depression I isolated myself really badly for a few months and during I had repeated thoughts where I saw myself being a child (sometimes my mind regresses to that) or other stuff. I brokedown where it literally in my head felt I was going to snap like real physical pain.

I mostly recovered but every now and then I suffer another one. This is caused by sleeping more than 12 hours and not leaving my apartment once during day.

But when it happens my mind goes really scrambled like theres thoughts racing from different parts of my head. I can barely think straight and every thought is negative and speaking is hard due to slurring. It becomes painful in my head to where I cant even sleep. I usually play acid jazz while having a fan by my head to come out of it.

Some people say they suffer breakdown but they dont list this symptons. I was wondering if anyone else dealt with this and how they beat it? Thanks.

[sugahorse1]

I think every experiences breakdowns in different ways. For me it feels like my mind is working at a million miles and won't stop. There's basically a sensory overload and I don't know where to turn. This causes me to just freeze and I can't do anything.
I also tend to become childlike and needy and I don't think there's anything anyone can say to get me through it. The last time I went inpatient and with the help of Geodon basically slept for 3 days straight and did intensive therapy. The time out helped me a lot.

I'm sorry you go through these horrible periods. What has your T said?

[Surfgod998]

I dont see a therapist anymore as it was all meds and I tried certain therapies but its all my thoughts. Plus I dont need to be comitted as I know best thing to do is lie on bed with fan on and music playing. But I'd like to stop it before it happens as I can tell it takes three days to happen when I start getting more negative thoughts.

[LucidLucy]

" I had repeated thoughts where I saw myself being a child (sometimes my mind regresses to that) or other stuff. I brokedown where it literally in my head felt I was going to snap like real physical pain."

I have been hospitalized twice in three years because I was in extreme mania and could not function. This would qualify as what you are referring to as a breakdown. I became a child on both occasions. I did not see myself as a child as in a 3rd person view in my thoughts. (I think that is what you are describing). I was exeriencing the world as a child, had the mental functioning of a child and was behaving as one.
I have been DXed as Bp1 with unresolved trauma and pstd.

"But when it happens my mind goes really scrambled like theres thoughts racing from different parts of my head. I can barely think straight and every thought is negative and speaking is hard due to slurring. It becomes painful in my head to where I cant even sleep. I usually play acid jazz while having a fan by my head to come out of it."

Again, these symptoms you describe are how I experience mania when it's at the extreme end of the disorder. My thoughts are like a high speed pinball machine and I can't keep them from slamming into each other and making random connections. Slurring also occurs for me in this state. Trouble finding words that I have known my whole life also occurs. The first time it happened I called 911 because I thought I was having a stroke ( hadn't ever been diagnosed with any mental illness at that point).

I did not experience physical pain in my head but in the minutes preceeding the "breakdown" level of the 2nd episode I did experience a physical sensation inside my head. I am not sure that I have any words to describe the feeling. Picture two powerful magnets held up to each other only in the position where the polarity would be reversed causing the polar field to repel from one another. The feeling was soft and pulsing though, not painful.
I was not experiencing negative thoughts, I was in a euphoric state of mania and feeling exremely positive.

What you are describing sounds more like a mixed episode that contains both elements of depression and mania at the same time. That is how my therapist explained mixed to me, and reading on the topic has also described it this way.

Everyone is different though and only your therapist or Pdoc could really know whether that is what you are experiencing. Sounds like it to me though.

I have never had a mixed episode that had full blown mania and depression at the same time. I just have hypomania with elements of depression ....as far as I can tell anyway.

[faerie_moon_x]

Sometimes my thoughts race so fast that I feel like my head is filling up with air. I get this intense head pressure. It like pushes on my head from the front of my forehead, then slowly starts to travel around to the back. When this is happening my cognitive issues get noticably worse, especially things like forgetting words. Once my thoughts slow down, I'm better.

[cool09]

I have had lots and lots of racing thoughts (college, work, alone, etc.) since onset of illness and trouble sorting my thoughts out but never when I get nostalgic. My thoughts slow down a little and depression/worry usually gets worse.

Does thinking back to childhood bring back good or bad memories? If you have bad memories I could see it causing anxiety, anger and/or physical symptoms.

When I get really depressed I think about the best times in my life (as a child) and I wonder where it all went, how it went by so quickly and how I want it back so badly. And that really hits me in my heart.

Sometimes I really, really wish I could go back and relive just one of those days back in the 70's and spend the day with my grandparents or parents and that would kind of make my life complete. I consider the ground that my grandparents walked on truly sacred because I never felt anything except joy around them. And my parents were much happier when I was younger - I've really taken a lot out of them since.

I used to have breakdowns after Holidays because I couldn't understand why I didn't enjoy myself or wasn't able to hold a decent conversation with anyone in my family (due to scrambled thoughts). I tried to forget about it but I couldn't take it (or fix it).

[Surfgod998]

Thanks for the answers. LucidLucy Its not part of my mania but depression. it only happens if I stay in my room a day without going outside or/and sleeping more than 12 hours a day then my mind reverts back to the original breakdown years ago.