[WrongEverything]

So I made this appointment with my college's psychologist office because I've been up and down all week and now my grandma might be dying... probably.. and my family wants me to go to see her and/or to her funeral....

but idk if i can because i'm already swinging >.< won't that just make things worse? She's all intubated and can't speak much but they want me to call her if i don't go, and how do you call someone who might be dying?

Keep randomly crying idk because i love my grandma, but its more like the fact that i'll never have another chance to see her.... but i can't miss school because finals are soon and i need to study but i can't study because i'm swinging.

But if you were dying wouldn't you want the people you love around? and not giving some bulls**t answer like "i can't come". I might feel like i missed out later and life and who's to say that won't screw me up more??

F**k!

soo... i hope that school psych don't have the power to enforce meds.

I just need to control this. Willpower??

I don't have any money for medication >.> or the urge to destroy all emotions in their entirety.

Hi WrongEverything! I'm fairly sure that seeing your grandmother before she dies and/or going to the funeral will not make things worse for you in the long run. You might have a reaction to it, but one reaction beats having to think about how you missed that one chance for the rest of your life. When my grandfather died of cancer it was very tough to go and see him, and almost as tough to be in the funeral, but it was definitely worth it. I'm still sad about quite a few things relating to his death, but I know I would be even sadder had I not gone. This was some years ago.

Your grandmother would probably like to see you before she passes, don't you think? Can you try to put yourself in her shoes? I find that very difficult sometimes when I have a mood, but it helps me think clearly about the choices I need to make. I'm sure she'll understand if you don't come too, but she would probably be very disappointed.

My other grandfather is sick now and has been to hospital, but I have not visited him because I have been too distracted and cycled up and down a lot. I regret this and it makes me feel bad about myself. Luckily, my grandfather will still be around for me to tell him I'm sorry about it.

I wish you luck with your cycles and your decision. I hope you decide to go, both for your sake and for her sake. But if you don't, make sure it's for the right reasons so that you can live with your decision.

[WrongEverything]

I know she would, but she's 2,000 miles away and I'm a college student with no money. So its not like I can just hop in the car and shoot down to her hospital bed in my car :'/

Oh, right. You could ask your family to pay for the gas, maybe? Hope you're doing OK right now. It sounds like a very tough situation!

[Odee]

If your family can find you a way to go there, then go. This is a time to put your grandmother before you. Seeing loved ones ill throws everyone into an emotional loop, but this is not about you, it is about your grandmother. She needs you.

[faerie_moon_x]

Yes, if your family can get you there, then go for sure. You will regret it later if you don't, I'm sure. Just remember that saying goodbye will help her be at peace and will bring you peace too, even though it's hard to say.

When my mom died I wrote her a letter and I have no idea what I wrote. I don't remember. But I put it with her in a sealed envelope. Whatever I said, I released and that's probably why I can't remember, so it must have been important.

Everything will be okay.