[Row Jimmy]

Do the people that care for you the most understand the struggle? That is, do you get the impression that the people around you can't understand why you just can't get better and stay that way? In many ways, BP is as frustrating for the people who love us as it is for ourselves.

I am going through this right now. My wife has the "here we go again" attitude and it is frustrating for me because I *want* to get better but I can't hit that groove where I stay stable. Having been BP for 30 years, I don't even know what "stable" is anymore!

It is a classic challenge. How do we solve an unsolvable problem? And how do the people around us know what to do when they can't see the disease? It has no face, no pathology. If I have a broken hip, someone puts me in a wheelchair. If I have a headache, someone gives me aspirin. If I'm BP, no one seems to know what to do.

[gina_re]

They sure don't show it. Maybe because I'm better off than them (in general; financially, employment, etc). My immediate family that is. My supervisors are actually more sympathetic towards me. I'm the one my mom uses for support.
I guess because I display such a strong independent woman attitude as if nothing can bring me down, this is the image that they believe I am. So when I do have a depressive episode, it's hard to understand even though they know that is a part of me. Because I do survive, I still have everything. At least that is my perspective.

[mindwrench]

My family knows something is amiss, but they think I could overcome it and get back in the game if I set my mind to it as I have only recently told them about "some" of what I've been dealing with for most of my life, and always explained away my behaviors that were noticeable. I'm very good at keeping secrets. Of the friends I have left none of them know anything about any of it, though they probably notice I don't call or come around and haven't for a long time.

So I would have to say no, nobody in my everyday life really "sees" it. My T sees it, or rather he sees what I'm willing to let him see.

[Moose72]

I have one friend with whom I tell everything. He is the one I can feel relaxed around. He's also a behavioral pharmacologist and therefore understands my meds. He recently became a social worker which is weird to me but he swears he's talking to his friend not a patient.

[Unrigged64072835]

My husband sees it the most. He's really sensitive in that regard. My daughter will pick up on it sometimes. but she's busy with her own stuff. Other than that nobody notices and I don't give out too much info on me anyway.

My husband probably has the deepest understanding of how much I struggle....my mother also. My oldest son is beginning to see it for what it is (he's 19) and my youngest son see's me crying a lot but I try and make a joke out of it and stop if he catches me. I don't hide it well behind close doors, but I also don't let it all out either. I do my best to minimize the suffering of others and to lessen the impact my illness has on them, but it takes a toll on them for sure. I try not to let the guilt eat me up on that reality.

[HALLIEBETH87]

My family is so in denial and selfish they see nothing. My sister only care about her life. Since I'm on Ssdi they assume I'll help them
With the kids anytime they need help. She takes advantage of me all the time

[Tucson]

Most everyone is clueless, even though many know of my MI. Willful ignorance. Oh well.

[Cocosurviving]

I have an aunt that knows. A few days ago she told me she noticed my moods change with the seasons. My older daughter is a big support. She has bp too but likes to claim it's just depression bc she was initially misdiagnosed with it....stigma. My mom likes to pretend like I'm normal but when I mention my depression season (SAD) is near I'm going to talk with my pdoc. She will not reply. My grandmother all she likes to say is "just take your medicine". And I tell her "well you take yours yet your still going to your doc for pains".

[BipolaRNurse]

My husband used to know instinctively when things were about to go south for me. He didn't understand my disease process, but he was keenly alert to any change in my attitude or behavior.

My family I'm living with now, they understand the illness better. My son is an LPN and enjoyed psych when he was in nursing school, plus he deals with both me and his mother in law (who is also bipolar) so he has a pretty good knowledge of how I manifest BP. My son in law also can tell when I'm even the least bit hypo and will call me out on it.

not really.

in most cases, people just laugh about it- or say unhelpful things like you know what, you're a really boring person, or maybe you should just shut up about your struggles and listen to mine

stuff like that.

[OctobersBlackRose]

Those closest to me see.it, but I don't think they can truely understand it unless they were to go through it themselves. I think both of my younger sisters understand the most because they both struggle with forms of MI themselves, my 21yr old sister has anxiety disorder (welp she's on meds so yeah) and my 16yr old sister has undiagnosed depression amd anxiety and possible most likely ptsd from some.stuff she went through in middle school, and our upbringing. So I believe they understand the most. I understand their struggles to, but have a hard time showing it (yes I have empathy, just have trouble showing it). My Mom kind of understands at least the depression and anxiety part, but not the BP part, (though I and my therapist believe she may have borderline personality disorder, undiagnosed obviously). My Grandma doesn't really understand though, she tries but fails, she has anxiety and is on meds for it. My Grandpa understood the most, but now he is dead and I no longer have him to talk to. My Dad understands, and so does his Gf, but they'll never truely know the struggle. And idk if my Step dad understands, he tries, but only claims mine is real, and my sisters is all in their heads (ya think, sarcasm). Idk it depends on the person I guess if they do or don't understand the struggle.

They see, but a lot don't understand. See my thread "different", for some other thoughts.

[MusicLover82]

There are a lot of struggles that I keep private. My family and friends really have no idea how much of a struggle my MI is sometimes. I honestly sometimes wish I could just tell them, but the times I have, I have exhausted/chased away people. So I'm doing pretty well if I can just keep up the facade of doing okay, not appearing as "crazy" as I feel on the inside. Maybe one day I can share in a way that I don't exhaust people, but for now, I'll try to handle a lot of it on my own.

[piano97]

I can relate to some of this. Some of my friends get it. We choose to not discuss it much in general. They on occasion have asked if I'm taking meds or displayed concern. I know that's not a good sign. Some of my immediate family totally don't get it. It makes me laugh now but has really ticked me off sometimes. "Hang on, things will get better". "You're so strong". Crap like that. Well intended, but it doesn't change the facts. BP is not a behavioral disorder. YES behavioral inputs can help. But I'm still gonna get manic in the spring/summer, and depressed as hell in the winter. And they think depression is sadness. LOL. The only sadness I have in depression is that my life has come to a crashing halt, again, and they I just have to "wait it out'' for a better time. They tell me "I understand" and things. Or that they know someone with bipolar. As if it's the 80s and I'm gay. LOL. But they don't understand. My therapist, who is excellent, didn't even know what EPS was. No one understands. And that's cool. It's not intentional. There's things I don't understand about other people too. I'm in the process of coming off risperdal. Day 4 without. Poison. Dissappointment that I ever took it. My neck and back are still locked up from it from last week. When I had this before, we dropped the dose. And it felt like I had a broken neck for about 2 weeks. As soon as it started this time, I dropped the dose a couple days, called, and said I'm done. I have no idea what this has done to my brain and body but I'll recover from it. It's all Bull-sh--. I have Zyprexa to take now, though haven't yet. Why would I? I've been manic side since Spring, less a total collapse for a few weeks in June, that ended my professional career. I can't consistently function well. I don't stay stable. Don't even know what it is. I think I have a better chance of getting there without more drugs. The lamictal, sure, I'll keep it for now. ditto Klonopin and that at least ensures some amount of sleep. F=== risperdal. I'm pretty sure the insides of my body are dancing and singing, that the poison has stopped.

But, whoa, I was suppossed to be writing about people seeing the struggle. They see it, and it's as frustrating to them as it is to us.

I'm irritable and flustrated, yet all is good. I got enough HOS and already went for a walk. My neck hurts like hell. I took Cogentin.

Does anyone else feel like they 'almost' have things in order? That stability is just 'steps away'? i do. I don't think that's a bad thing to be aiming for that. But then crap like, oops, I realize now when I spent 3000$ out of no where a couple weeks ago, I have all this stuff now, and feel nio connection to it, almost as if someone else did it, then I realize, oh, that maybe I had been manic. Weeks later (and before ) I still am to some degree. But I feel more sane, today, four days of Ripserdal, than I've felt for awhile. Final note, if A/Ps are so magically, why the hell have I had episodes over the last year WHILE on it. They have actually gotten worse. THe higher the dose, the worse I do. Because it robs me of my soul and person. It's faint, but I see the light coming back on a bit.

I've just totally vomitted all that up. Apologizes.

[xRavenx]

My mother gets frustrated. She says I "don't listen to her advice," but doesn't get why it is so hard for me. Also, I wonder if my boyfriend feels rejected when I isolate, but he doesn't really comment on my illness. Even when I try to initiate conversation surrounding BP, he doesn't say too much....so I don't know. I try to hide some of it from him and "pretend" although it's not healthy. I just can't help but do that.

I try explaining to my friends, but they are confused about what Bipolar really is. I don't really see them as much when I'm going through an episode, so most don't witness when I'm very depressed or even manic. During hypomania, I'm seen as fun person, although too much of a risk taker.