DBT workbook

The Dialectical Behavior Therapy Skills Workbook for Bipolar Disorder: Using DBT to Regain Control of Your Emotions and Your Life (New Harbinger Self-Help Workbook):Amazon:Books The Dialectical Behavior Therapy Skills Workbook for Bipolar Disorder: Using DBT to Regain Control of Your Emotions and Your Life (New Harbinger Self-Help Workbook):Amazon:Books

So I bought this book yesterday. My T is doing CBT and really not wanting to do anymore with me until I'm in a 'safe place,' whatever the F that means. He called me Thursday and I told him he had to start treating me. That what we were doing wasn't working. I enjoy him understanding me and it's somewhat comforting but I need real life HELP. Not to pay $35/hr for him to listen to me cry. Im not exaggerating either, I literally cry the whole hour (sometimes more if we aren't paying attention).

So anyway I thought I'd try to help myself. He thinks we can't do much more until my sister moves (see thread "oh god" in Borderline Personality forum). Says I have to create a new support system. I don't even know what that looks like. Im terrified. Don't I need help when Im scared?

So I bought this workbook partially to disprove my diagnosing pdoc that I hate, the one who put me on high doses of drugs and dropped me, horrible side effects and all. If she diagnosed me accurately, fine, but I need to hear it from someone who gives a crap. But this workbook, it's true, it's all true. Everything she said. And I didn't expect it to be true. Not this true. I'm broken. I'm so messed up and I didn't want to be. Not just cause I hate her but who wants this life? Who wants this diagnosis? Who can deal with all of this chaos?

To make matters worse after a five day round of prednisone a couple weeks ago the rash is back. Part of me wants to say nothing and hope it kills me. Part of me wants to again kill the diagnosing pdoc who put me on it and hung me out to dry. Not seeing this pdoc at the transitional clinic until 5/14. I'm just riding it out until then. I hope I can sue. I hate her. I hate her for letting me trust her everyday I was inpatient, I hate her for pretending to care and to be helpful to me. I hate her because she was right. I hate her for putting me on the wrong meds. I hate her every time I get on the scale and it's gone up five more pounds. I hate her, almost as much as I hate myself. Bad spot, broken heart, falling apart, just scraping myself up off of the floor to read Green Eggs & Ham to my girls before bed. I'm just not okay anymore.

Dx: BP1, ADD, OCD, PTSD, GAD

Current: Topamax 200mg, Ativan 1mg PRN, Lamictal 200mg, Ritalin 20mgx2, Klonopin 1mg PRN, Omega 3 Abilify 10mg

Past & failed: Seroquel, Saphris, Lithium, Neurontin, Wellbutrin, Prozac, Effexor, Zoloft, Celexa, Paxil, Remeron, Vistaril, Haldol, Ambien, Restoril Xanax and now most likely Abilify

Oh what a mess This is good you got this workbook, sounds like a great thing to try. I don't know about sister situation, will read later when I check in on bpd forum. But for a new support system, how about here for now? My pdoc counts this as therapy for me, she says it's a form of therapy. But just keep in mind keeping healthy boundaries and it's your duty to block anyone negative, triggering or unsupportive. Also, for support system, can you try to find a local support group or some group thing you find interesting where you could meet new friends? My irl support group is still in the works. I have friends but still coming out of my shell and trying to plant seeds of understanding so that I won't be totally rejected when I come out and tell them my dx. I have told some and usually they say, you're not bp, bp people are really crazy. This hurts bad. makes me withdraw further so they won't have to see just how crazy I can get. It's no joke.

I found an IRL BP support group that meets 2x a month. It's not enough. My sister has actually bought a few books about my Dx's, is trying to understand, and we even have had a few "let it all out conversations." My husband can't be bothered. I think it's just too much. And I get it. Honestly, I don't want to accept it. But I can't run from it. Im scared. Im alone. And I really just wish anyone would reach out to me. I don't know who to reach out to. Seriously, who wants to be involved with someone like me dealing with this crap?? I don't know who to turn to. I don't know who to trust, who will love me.

Dx: BP1, ADD, OCD, PTSD, GAD

Current: Topamax 200mg, Ativan 1mg PRN, Lamictal 200mg, Ritalin 20mgx2, Klonopin 1mg PRN, Omega 3 Abilify 10mg

Past & failed: Seroquel, Saphris, Lithium, Neurontin, Wellbutrin, Prozac, Effexor, Zoloft, Celexa, Paxil, Remeron, Vistaril, Haldol, Ambien, Restoril Xanax and now most likely Abilify

I feel that way too, too often I'm hiding so others won't have to see my suffering. I feel like the irl limited, censored info that I've shared is brushed off, it's too intense for them. So I hold back on my stuff, be the good friend who listens until I can't anymore, then the isolation for rest comes. One friend I tell more than others. But today I felt really crazy, like rage at small work problems, panic get me out of office ASAP, screaming in my car. But the friend, I can't tell her about any of that, might see me as someone too unstable to want as a friend. Doesn't make that a truth , just ideas that go through my head. So I do feel ya.

I don't have time to write a detailed response right now but I wanted to tell you I was where you are seven years ago. It was hell but I got through it. You are not alone. Look for a partial care program in your area. I will write more later

<3

Partial care program? In the US? For the uninsured?

Dx: BP1, ADD, OCD, PTSD, GAD

Current: Topamax 200mg, Ativan 1mg PRN, Lamictal 200mg, Ritalin 20mgx2, Klonopin 1mg PRN, Omega 3 Abilify 10mg

Past & failed: Seroquel, Saphris, Lithium, Neurontin, Wellbutrin, Prozac, Effexor, Zoloft, Celexa, Paxil, Remeron, Vistaril, Haldol, Ambien, Restoril Xanax and now most likely Abilify

I feel the exact same way. I was getting
close to a guy, then I was dx'd. I told
him and he stopped calling. I told myself from then on I would date or let another man get close to me.

Didn't realize you were uninsured but check into it because I know there is one near me (central nj) that works on sliding scale and also does patient assistance for those who cannot afford it.