[Melmo]

And trying to please everyone.
Just got off the phone with my mom. I had asked her a few days ago what she wanted to do for Mother's Day. She said she didn't want to do anything because my sister wouldn't be there. They don't get along and haven't talked for awhile so she assumed she wouldn't be there. I said I would talk to her. I asked her if she would come and she said yes, but asked me to tell my mom not to be overly emotional and stress her out. (Which my mom is really good at) my sister is hoist through bad anxiety right now, had like 13 weeks off work and she hasn't been neck long and already having issues again. So my mom is upset tht she says she has to "behave" around my sister for her to be happy. She doesn't get that it's not all about her, it's about being considerate of her and her issues that she is going through. My mom struggles with mental illness and has all her life. We've told her about our issues and it's like she doesn't think we have anything wrong with us. It's all about her and her problems, everyone's against her etc.
I'm getting tired of trying to play the peace keeper between them. I got my sister to agree to go thinking that would make my mom happy for Mother's Day and she's still not happy. I have had breakdowns over this issue before and I can see it happening again. I feel like crying because I am trying so hard to keep the peace and it isn't working. I've told them I don't want to hear anymore venting from one about the other anymore (my mom always vents to me about my sister and vice versa) but my mom doesn't listen.
I'm so tired of this.

[BlueInanna]

Stay strong. You stated your boundary that you won't be the one to vent to about the other. Sounds like you'll have to keep reminding them and it's a long pattern they're used to. Just try to stay calm and politely leave the room saying, "I meant what I said, I won't be a part of venting about mom/sister."

I'm a big peacekeeper, people pleaser. Reminds me of arranging visits for my older 2 to visit their dad, I felt so sorry for them that he was such an a-hat, never tried hard to see them. But then anything that went wrong during the visit became my fault. Bad days. Once he took them in a store and taught them to steal because mom didn't send enough money for daddy to take care of them for 2 days. Aaaarggghh. Yea don't be the obligated people pleaser.

[~Christina]

I agree with Blue.. Stick to your guns. Just remove yourself from a situation if it starts , I know easier said than done. You can do this!

Be kind to yourself you need to take care of you before them.

[Trippin2.0]

Just do nothing for Mother's day. The sky won't fall, the world won't end, but you'll probably be stressed as hell. I don't see how that is worth it.
Your mom can't be upset about doing nothing, it was her original choice anyway, your sister should feel relieved because mom won't be stressing her out with her inconsiderate behaviour, and you will be relaxed because you don't have to play referee or watch a tain wreck in slow motion.

My 00.02c is do nothing.

[Melmo]

I think you're right. I'm not gonna bring it up again. If she doesn't want to do anything then whatever. I tried. It just pisses me off that she doesn't realize this isn't all about her and her feelings, but that she needs to think about her kids and what we are going through. She says "Oh I have to behave myself so that she will be around me." and I'm thinking "no, you need to be considerate of how she is feeling and what she is going through." And of course she doesn't realize no matter how many times I tell her that it stresses me out to be in the middle of it constantly.

[Trippin2.0]

I understand why such behaviour pisses you off, it has the same effect on me. Self-absorbed people are wayyy too draining and rage inducing for me. I don't stick my neck out for them, its all me me me anyway, so I'm sure they do a great job of it by themselves.

Really, Mothers day is a sweet gesture, but not at the expense of every participant. I think not bringing it up is a good thing, and reminding your mom and sister that you don't walk around in a striped shirt blowing a whistle isn't a bad idea either.

[Melmo]

LOL thanks Good advice.

[Trippin2.0]

My pleasure

[faerie_moon_x]

I agre with Trippin. If all it's going to do is stress everyone out, then maybe it's better to do nothing. I mean, if it's too much to ask for your mom to try to keep it light and stress free, then why put yourself through all this drama?

Hang in there.