[noshadows]

HOPE
Hope is one of the most fascinating human emotions or shall I say experience. It is that hope that helped me carry on and on and on until and beyond the next episode. It is that hope that says: ‘it will never happen again’ or ‘see, you are fine now’ or ‘there is nothing wrong with you’. That hope is bigger that the physical experiences that proof otherwise. That hope was also responsible for me never seeking medical or psychological help. The amount of times I felt completely convinced that there is absolutely something wrong and that I would go see someone the very next day, just to feel absolutely fine and sane and not needing any help, that next day, is endless. That hope stopped me from getting help and that hope kept me from never having to acknowledge or admit that I have a problem. Eventually in my life, I couldn’t play dumb anymore. I couldn’t ignore it anymore and I couldn’t lie to myself any longer.
That is a whole new bitter sweet pill to swallow. Yes, I am getting help! Ah crap, I’m sick! What followed is hearing that I will have to live with ‘it’ forever. Now, in my limited research, I read that this is where the majority of sufferers give up. So close to the light, so on the brink of change. I think it is because those people, and myself, lived with it for so long, through so many episodes and imagining a lifetime of the same, is too much to handle. Forgetting to imagine a lifetime of normalcy that treatment can offer.

[Travelinglady]

I think we just have to take things one day at a time and "hope" we won't have a lot of these problems.