[Nessa213]

I hate that. I hate it I hate it. I think about everything I said today... did I sound like an idiot? Was that the right way to react? Did I over react? Was I appropriate? What did everyone else think of me? Why aren't they talking to me? What did I say wrong? Ok, so I said this... what went through their head when I said that? Are they thinking about how stupid I sounded? Should I text them right now? Are they mad at me? I'm sure they hate me now.

GAH MAKE IT GO AWAY!

Some call it co dependency. I always thought I was just an overly concerned and conscientious of other people's feelings. Too much so? To a fault? Yes. I don't deny that.

But sometimes I just CAN'T stop. Sometimes I WANT to shut it down and be selfish and do something for myself. Not worry about conversations I had throughout the day and think of every other person I interacted with and not worry that I might have said the wrong thing.

I guess... it's just a product of losing a lot of friends. Sometimes I don't care. Sometimes I can say "screw it, I didn't need them anyway". Sometimes... like today... it really bothers me. So I sit here, trying to occupy my time and all I can think about everyone else.

[vjdragonfly]

Nessa
It is hard when you are in a place that what others think of you becomes obsessive. No matter who you are, ppl go through this. I have worked through therapy to learn to do what makes me "whole". It is not selfish to not want to bring yourself down or let others. It is a large obstacle to overcome, I suggest talking to a therapist about it.

Read my signature . . . to me it really rings true .