update 5/16

Well things have been goin perty well.

Sunday will be 9 weeks without a drop of alcohol.

Got into a dark place with my D&A counselor turned T today. Brought up some of the devious thoughts I have. The distruction, mayhem, and death.

Not sure if this was a good move or not, as I have become paranoid as to how the gov't might try to limit my freedoms in the future if they get this kind of info.

But, nevertheless, it felt good to talk about such things. She was a bit taken aback by it i think. Not the first time I've blown her mind tho.

In the beginning I guess she thought it was going to be a routine DUI, court ordered case. She even went as far to say at the second visit, "You really don't care what I put in this do you?"

That attitude soon changed when I revealed to her my academic and other sucesses and that I didnt just think I might have bp, but had spent a week in the pER.

Now I drop this on her, but she took it well.

Her main concern is that I keep involved in my alcoholic past. Hard not to do when all your friends and family are heavy drinkers. She wants me to find more supports, which I hope to find by getting more involved in AA.

I told her my thinking on it, that for some reason or another I enjoy "setting myself up to fail with the goal of perservering". She really liked that line.

Meet with the attorney tomorrow to hear what the DA has in store for me and what we're gonna do at my plea hearing next week. Fingers crossed...

Hope all of you are doing well.

Thanks for the update P

I think its good your are able to tell her concerns about your life and how your " think"
9 weeks is flipping awesome ! Be proud !!!

Good thoughts your way to hope the DUI crap will be a thing of the past very soon.

Do you find yourself thinking about the negative things often anymore?

I found that stability has toned down/eliminated most homicidal thoughts. I still enjoy gore but my drive to hurt people has gone. I found that I had a lot of anger and was very bitter. I don't know if you can relate though.

They come and go. Mostly triggered by bad situations while watching psycho/slasher movies.

Went to the lawyer today. All I did was sign the ARD application, give em $60 to pay the app fee, and got told I don't need to go to the plea hearing next week.

Now I gotta wait for the ARD hearing, I guess to see if I get it or not.

More waiting... ****ing great... **** this ****.

Never again...

Congrats on 9 weeks! That's awesome! Good job.

I have a lot of intrusive thoughts. They are all violence based, and very intense. They roll along through me and start flicking on the rage switches in my head. I've been having more intrusive thoughts than ever before since I started my job 5 years ago. They freak me out, I hate them. I'm normally such a kind person. I've never been violent. But, these thoughts are scary and very graphic. I know I won't act on them, but still, I know how concerning they are.

My thoughts and actions exactly. Never thrown a serious punch in my life or caused anyone great bodily hard, but yet the thoughts in my head are more bloody and violent than a lot of the worst horror films.

Glad I'm not the only one

Good to hear from you.....9 weeks is a wonderful accomplishment.....keep up the good work.....especially since the consequences of drinking aren't good for a successful future in your life after all the work you have put into accomplishing what you have accomplished so far with college.

Sounds like you have a good D&A counselor who is on your side....good that she's really getting to know you because one can't be a good counselor without really knowing the person & understanding where they are coming from & what's involved in making up their life.

You are the kind of person who can do what ever you WANT to do.....sometimes it's WANTING TO DO THE RIGHT thing that is the hardest part of life.......wishing you the best with this