[flybyme]

Hello All. I am 6 weeks out of a relationship that lasted 12 months. I realized he was Bipolar II a couple weeks in when I found the meds and asked. I myself have anxiety which can sometimes induce depression. Not such a great mental match I would later find out.

I had been single 6 years trying to get a hold on my own issues after my mother's death. He was the first guy I really wanted to be in a relationship with and I was ready. We didn't go in lightly, he was upfront about not always being the greatest person, and I admitted to not having recent relationship experience. 2 months in he got fired from work and was unemployed. We took it as a sign to take sporadic road trip all summer camping and hiking with our dogs in various parks (hypermania). When a week went by without his meds (prozac and wellbutrin) he was noticeably irritable and I could see madness in his eyes. The sex was at first amazing and lasting forever, then suddenly he lost interest all together. Eventually all of his meds ran out without health insurance and I saw the very dark side of the illness.

Around the time I began to see this, I had found a few jobs we could do together through my business so he could make some money. We both saw such potential, but he could never see it as a work relationship and treated it like he wasn't getting paid. I watched a strong confident me slowly fade into either compromising to avoid arguments, or giving up my previous desires and schedule to accommodate him. And we still were only having sex maybe once a week.

His mood/behavior was totally out of control. He was violent breaking my car, laptop, and furniture. Although he never directly hit me, he would push me, throw things at me, put his arms around my neck, and once even had forcible sex with me which for once I was really not wanting. I never saw myself letting someone do this to me, and I stood up for myself. I never touched him, but we would get into it bad. I didn't understand that bipolar personalities are so intense and dangerous if unmedicated. I didn't understand their were triggers that I was pushing constantly. I ended up giving him my xanax whenever he got close to violent, ultimately compromising my own panic attacks when I ran out. Finally I called his doctor and scheduled an appointment. He agreed to go after his parents suggested it as well.

Once on the meds, this time just the prozac no wellbutrin, He broke away and wanted a break. I couldn't bear it and always called to check in. His depression was worst than the mania/violence. He was suicidal, and would sleep 20 hours a day, avoid contact with anyone, not take care of his roach infested apartment or let his dog out to pee. In a sense he just was gone, and I tried so hard to get him back. Eventually he got better, but at that point I was exhausted. He was only having sex with me once a month. I was beginning to go down too.

Things were okay, and I was happy to see him stabilizing after so much relationship was lost to him going off meds. One last fight and he shut me out again for a break. I didn't go down lightly this time. I went to the workspace we shared and took back everything. I was a woman scorned and ignored, and with an out of control hormonal rage from lack of sex. I made a scene in front of his friends, said horrible things that weren't true (such as i had cheated on him, and given him stds), I told him he was nothing without me giving him a job, and that I never loved him. I was awful! That was the last time I saw him. And tho I tried to apologize, I had already set the mania free.

From what I know now, I know that I handled this poorly. I blame it on lack of medication, but also him going off meds so abruptly. 2 weeks after the breakup he was dating online and out all hours of the night. Soon he got a pretty new girl who he was fascinated with and she fell for him hard and fast just like I did with his manic charm. As much as this is killing me I am glad I can at least start understanding more about where I went wrong as a partner. I'm just curious as to what is ahead. I've heard bipolar people can have years of serious relationships, but suddenly rebound in a manic episode to avoid the depression of a breakup.

I'm not trying to get this person back. I'm just trying to figure out what went wrong and whether I need to prepare myself for him eventually getting depressed and calling. Also his doctor is his primary care, and I think maybe he needs to be on a different combo of meds rather than just prozac. But without insurance I'm afraid he will go off again becoming either violent or suicidal with someone else.

[flybyme]

Pretty Please?!

[~Christina]

I'm sorry you had such a horrible relationship.

A few things popped out in your post.

1. Having Bipolar is not an excuse for him to put his hands on you in a violent manner, never !
2. Not all people with Bipolar act like he did, I am certainly not violent if I am not taking meds.
3. He lost his job and wasn't able to take his meds? Not sure where you live but, in the USA every county has a mental health clinic , so there is a way to continue on meds.
4. You and him had a bad ugly break up, it happens, most people go through it at least once.
5. Someone with Bipolar can react in many ways to changes in there life , good , bad indifferent. He is your Ex, doesn't matter how he reacts at this point.
6. You could spend years trying to figure out what went wrong and why. Pointless.
7. Regardless of who you date , someone with a mental illness or not or any variety of health problem ... Remember you deserve respect.

Don't settle , life is too short.

[faerie_moon_x]

Originally Posted by ~Christina

I'm sorry you had such a horrible relationship.

A few things popped out in your post.

1. Having Bipolar is not an excuse for him to put his hands on you in a violent manner, never !
2. Not all people with Bipolar act like he did, I am certainly not violent if I am not taking meds.
3. He lost his job and wasn't able to take his meds? Not sure where you live but, in the USA every county has a mental health clinic , so there is a way to continue on meds.
4. You and him had a bad ugly break up, it happens, most people go through it at least once.
5. Someone with Bipolar can react in many ways to changes in there life , good , bad indifferent. He is your Ex, doesn't matter how he reacts at this point.
6. You could spend years trying to figure out what went wrong and why. Pointless.
7. Regardless of who you date , someone with a mental illness or not or any variety of health problem ... Remember you deserve respect.

Don't settle , life is too short.

I agree with this 100%.

Not all bipolar people become violent. Abusive behavior comes from somewhere else in their life.

Also, his doctor needs to be a psychiatrist and not a general doctor, but that's no longer your concern. Putting him on prozac alone was very risky.

My advice is block his number that way you never take his call. It's best to move on from this relationship and not look back.

[flybyme]

Great Points. Thank you.
As I am really just trying to understand bipolar better, and your points on violence not being associated is reassuring. I don't want to avoid dating people just because of they are may or may not be bipolar.

[swheaton]

I'm BP and I have never gotten violent! You need to keep yourself healthy. Do not worry about him....he needs help that only a doctor can give.

I have never been violent w/ a woman. As a man, I will honestly say I have been violent, but even when I'm really out there, there is that part of me that says, "you never raise a hand to a woman." That was taught from a young age.

In my honest opinion, any man that raises a hand at a woman, is not a man, but a little boy acting out. I don't tolerate that. Just my opinion.

Jeffro