[A Red Panda]

Today I spent the day at a ceremonial Native site for a PD with other teachers.

While there, we were listening to some elders speak inside a teepee. They were explaining what each of the poles meant. Found out that I was sitting in the middle between the "kinship" and "cleansing" poles.

I found it very fitting as I've been reflecting a lot on how my family has influenced me over the years. And I am working on helping myself, in a sort of cleanse-like fashion, but trying to sort out all of my thoughts while simultaneously getting help.

How have your families affected you? I know that mine was ran like a business, and I have a very low self-esteem due to it. There wasn't any affection. It's probably why I control my hyper periods so well - I wasn't allowed to act much at all like a kid most of the time. So I've got some excellent self-control. and I rarely share my thoughts and emotions because they were well, never really accepted. So I don't often blurt out things to other people, because I've just been so well trained.

I guess I'm just trying to find some positives to my rather negative upbringing! It made the depression worse, but I am able to control my behaviour and hyper times better than I might have done otherwise.

I don't know the answers, CheshireCatGrin. I guess they're different for each of us
who might have been reared in what I call a "dysfunctional family". So many have
expressed that view in their depression.

One little paperback that is particularly devoted to the theme of having been reared in a dysfunctional family is called "Forgiving and Moving On". The essence of it is essentially that she loved her family, despite their treatment, understanding that they did the best they knew how to do and that it was up to her to build her own life recognizing what is negative and what is positive and best for her life. (She's a Phd, incidentally, and has a very good grasp of what works for her.)

One other one I like is called "Keep It Simple". The Hazeldon Foundation does a really
good job of production of works that are good for increasing better feeling tone through meditation.

Best wishes.

[A Red Panda]

I wouldn't expect anyone else to have the answers about my own childhood! I just find it important to reflect on it, and today's coincidence brought it to the forefront. Am just looking to see how others have been affected by their own families!

Like, have some families helped make it easier to handle parts of bipolar? Or worse? Or did bits of both? Did they help intentionally, or has aspects of how we were all raised done that without being put forth to help out with this?

((I'm thinking that last bit didn't make sense, but I am very tired atm!))

[middlepath]

I think that my upbringing unfortunately brought about the mood swings, but like you, I had to stay "in line" or else so I am super skilled at faking being a balanced individual. People where i use to work thought I was happy, grounded, and some came to me for advice. So I thank my family for helping me learn how to smile under fire, i guess. I have not resolved my childhood yet and plan to read the book that Genetic recommended. I think my upbringing has also made me choose to live in a very dualistic way (without regard to bipolar)...at work i have to be as perfect as possible, but then at home or with friends i am an emotional train wreck and unpredictable. I am working on this. As a turn of events, my mom who was neglectful and emotionally unavailable when i was young, has turned out to be one of the least judgemental, supportive people in my life. When I dropped the BP dx on her...she just said..."ok, so your a great mom, a wonderful daughter, a fabulous wife with a dash of bipolar?"(as if it was Non-news). While I think her description of me is generous to say the least, I do appreciate her support and making light of what felt pretty heavy. So I guess my family upbringing had something to do with the onset of BP, and as an adolescent they certainly did make things worse, however, as an adult my mom, grandma, aunt, brother have all been super supportive. Did that answer your question or did i misunderstand?

[middlepath]

PS. I think you mentioned not sharing your emotions...and I don't either. I listen to others suuuuuuuuuper well, and I am super compassionate toward others. My thoughts, feelings are hard to access, even harder to articulate, and they are under lock and key in my mind : ) ***work in progress***

[A Red Panda]

Originally Posted by middlepath

I think that my upbringing unfortunately brought about the mood swings, but like you, I had to stay "in line" or else so I am super skilled at faking being a balanced individual. People where i use to work thought I was happy, grounded, and some came to me for advice. So I thank my family for helping me learn how to smile under fire, i guess. I have not resolved my childhood yet and plan to read the book that Genetic recommended. I think my upbringing has also made me choose to live in a very dualistic way (without regard to bipolar)...at work i have to be as perfect as possible, but then at home or with friends i am an emotional train wreck and unpredictable. I am working on this.

Originally Posted by middlepath

PS. I think you mentioned not sharing your emotions...and I don't either. I listen to others suuuuuuuuuper well, and I am super compassionate toward others. My thoughts, feelings are hard to access, even harder to articulate, and they are under lock and key in my mind : ) ***work in progress***

Actually... you answered a question I hadn't asked! One reason why it's taken me this long to start going about getting diagnosed... is that I have no idea really what's from nature or nurture. It's really hard to sort out! I feel the duplicity every day. Even when I'm at my worst... I can keep it together at work, or out in public. But as soon as I'm somewhere where my guard might go down a bit? Train wreck!!