[dubblemonkey]

I just did...I promised to keep it to just two threads and I will try too and I'm sure I will be forced to abstain from expression...albeit gently when the time comes ...actually I am proud of myself for ditching my plan and going freelance silly.

I will try and make it real quick and not too interfering with the natural and un-natural process of these pages and please indulge in the half and half sincerity and cynicism...

it likely took me 4 years to discover truth....and I was only born 3 minutes before that!...

they made me do it!...it wasn't me they made me do it...they fed me they clothed me they instructed me they took me here and there I followed I watched I said all along!

it's ok!

...and curiously it was something... something it was! ...indeed!

and here I am and seriously people I try so hard to examine regular ways of explaining things so many ideas assault me I'm captivated and combusted by the impossible and burning alive in my own thoughts...

I really thought...HAHA funny "thought"...

that I could be something that I am not...and that's the perfection of the bipolar mistake!...call it something nicer if you want...it's the truth nothin' halfassed!...

I experience the entire holy hell and heaven of it and fall to my death every time!

BUT...if that was true I would be a ghost right and wrong maybe I am and maybe you are too...

but each experience presents me with new fears and I not only want to lie about it to myself but I seriously need to lie about it to myself and that's just to fkng! validate myself!

nobody else can do this for me and I have to break apart from the things that really hurt...

I can recover from a lot of things but somethings are designed to motivate

I can only lie so much...for we all have pain that's incurable.