[HabitualQuitter]

So my husband has his vacation time and wants to go see his family. Yay. NOT. About 6 months ago his brother publicly bashed me on FB and this wasn't the first time mind you. He later private messaged me all kinds of ******** about how his whole family hates me, is glad I am gone (we moved to another state) and how I brainwashed his brother into being a Jesus freak. He blames me for my husband kicking their father out when he moved in with us to "get back on his feet" but instead had blood sugars at 500, refused to eat healthy or see a friggin doctor and then eventually started smoking again while being on canular O2. Seriously. He refused to work after his unemployment for 2 years ran out. It was too much. And my HUSBAND asked him to leave, not me. And all this was after multiple counseling sessions (with all three of us and some with just the two of them). We TRIED. We tried to help him. But you cannot help someone who doesn't want to help themselves. And he's been living on someone else's couch for the past year since he moved back to FL. My brother in law claims I made his dad leave because his dad is gay (I have never given a crap about that - NOT my business) and wasn't "Christian enough" for me. He has always had something against me since my husband and I got serious. Like I took his brother away from him or something. Ugh.

My husband wants to go visit this family. The family full of redneck, cigarette smoking, *n* word using, foul mouthed @sshats who are all alcoholics and never leave home regardless of how old they get. What a mess! And to boot he says we can stay at his brothers (who finally got his own place...at 30yrs old). Sure, let's go stay with your brother who will probably try to kill me in my sleep, wonderful. Then he says he wants to take the kids to the beach. Fabulous. Cause I'm not 50lbs overweight from stupid psych meds, sure, let's go to THE BEACH!!! Ugh. He doesn't understand. He doesn't understand that I have no desire to go visit a bunch of ignorant jerks that don't care about me, they just want to see him and the kids. And I certainly have no desire to die in FL heat at the beach in jeans because I don't own a pair of shorts that even fit since I became a beached whale.

Part of me hates him for this. Part of me hates ME for this. He says he's not exactly happy with his body either but he'll get over it for the kids because it's not about him. That's great and everything but he hasn't had a recent HUGE fluctuation in his weight either. And that was a nice way of calling me selfish, thanks honey. I don't know how to get out of this, around it, or over it. I am NOT medicated properly to deal with this crap.

Just don't go. Bipolar patients can't afford to put themselves into strong triggering situations.
What's wrong with saying that it's just too stressful for you (and probably the children, too?)
I know a fine person who used to say that going to see in-laws was like a visitation. If it
appears inevitable, see a psychiatrist and ask for medications to calm you during the day or
days you have to be there to show respect to your husband's wishes.

Does your husband have any understanding of what his family members are like?
If he really insists, I'd try to make sure you have private accommodations and that you
can all get away from them in a hurry if the negativity raises its ugly head (like the
postman in "Funny Farm"...).

I think it's just too stressful to have to deal with things like that. I frankly just can't do it
and won't do it. Eventually, the talking stops and life quiets down into a stable,
pleasant lifestyle--that is, away from that sort of thing!

The problem is primarily one of ignorance and how to help correct that is just numbing. It's better not to deal with it at all, in my view. Some of us just have to stay away from the problems of others that can trigger us.

I wish you quiet days, soft nights, and peace at the end of each day.

[Trippin2.0]

You have a say in your life.
You have a say in the type of people you choose to engage with, a say in when you choose to engage and if you choose to engage.

Don't go.

Husband might be mad, inlaws may be offended, kids may be dissapointed (at first, they get over it when a good time is involved)

And you know what? that's perfectly ok (unless your husband beats you, then I digress)

Fact is, the sky won't fall if you go against the grain, and best of all, you will be safe and happy

[EternalWinter]

I would have to agree with everyone who said dont go. I can understand where hes coming from that he thinks everyone can just get a long, because he only sees the good side of everyone.

After those kinds of comments I wouldn't feel welcome either, especially if there was no apology and he just assumes time has dealt with the issue. You already know your not going to have a good time, you should not have to go. The kids may be a little disappointed at first but will likely forget about it as soon as they arrive.

[HabitualQuitter]

Thank you!!! I told him last night that I just couldn't do it. He said he understood but he was mad. Oh well, at least now we can plan a vacation that we can all enjoy!

Thank goodness. Plan a very nice vacation and enjoy every moment of it.

Take care of everyone.