[Mack2]

I have had a few friends over the years, my best friend from school- dumped on me after choosing her boyfriend over me when I was about 20 and showing serious signs of mental illness. Next came a succession of friends on and off over the next 10 years who all dumped on me for one reason or another. I didn't have any friends again until about 6 months ago when I met my daughters friends mother who I discovered was bipolar, it was like finding myself, she was going through a bit of a rough patch so I did everything I could think of to help her, I cleaned for her, I ferried her daughter everywhere, then things got messy because of her ex husband and accusations about things people did or didn't say, so she dumped on me. I found a couple on Facebook who I used to work with about 14 years ago and struck up a good friendship. Alan took an overdose and as his wife couldn't drive and lived 30 miles away from the hospital (I only live 10 mins) I would visit everyday trying to help him deal with what he had done, well I haven't heard from them in about a month so dumped on again. My "friend' with bipolar is trying to reconnect but if you knew the circumstances around why things went wrong I'm sure you would be telling me to stay well clear. I do have 2 friends, one is a lot older and suffers from fibromyalgia and the other is what I would call the only 'normal' person I know, but she has a very hectic life so seeing her is difficult. I just find myself thinking why do I go out my way to try and help people, I don't do it so they will like me, I do it because they don't have anyone else to turn to, I don't do it because I'm looking for a favour but it would be nice to get some sort of recognition that I have actually helped them when they needed someone and I'm the one left with no one to do the same to me. I'm just dumped on. So do I or do I not keep trying? I feel if I just don't bother with friends I wouldn't get hurt. No one understands anyway. Do we need friends? I'm beginning to think not!!!

[sugahorse1]

Are you possibly validating yourself by being nice and friendly to others? I tend to do this, because it gives me a sense of purpose. But it leaves you very vulnerable

[A Red Panda]

I tend to cycle through a group of friends frequently. The longest I've gone with hanging out with the same group of people is 2 years! And that is with almot always having multiple groups of friends at the same time.

Barring that, I've had individual friendships that have lasted for years.

I find it worth it, even though I put so much effort in only to be let down. Just because of that rare chance that I DON'T get let down.

I have, however, learned to not bend over backwards for people. If it is going to cause me much inconvenience then I'll refrain - if it's not going to cost me anymore than a bit of my time then I go ahead because I get satisfaction from helping the world even if I get nothing back (friendship is getting something back... I try to not expect that from people anymore). I don't really expect to get much back from people, and I find that if someone isn't putting much effort in to a friendship... well... I'll drag it on for a while to make sure that they're not just in a rough patch (unless I know how they're with their other friends) then eventually I'll just stoop putting in the effort.

It's tough... but I'm a whoooole lot happier and a whole lot less drained!