wtf to do.. sui idealized mentioned

As most of you know as of late my family has been having a difficult time. At points its been a bit dangerous for us to be around each other. All three of us have had very intense sui thoughts to the point I had to put in some safety measures. Blah, blah, blah, you get the drift.

I'm getting a bit better at least I can be angry, cry and no longer can vividly envision my suicide. My husband has actually the room for a couple hours the past two days and has hugged me when I've broken down in tears for no reason, not because he has felt anything about it but that's what he has felt I needed. This is fine with me as I understand that feeling atleast he's starting to be able to look outside himself .

admits admits all this bull crap we have got his ssi 2nd denial, my birthday, school hounding me because I haven't registered (I haven't registered because I don't know if it's a good idea),my husband's insurence taken away, my husbands insurance re-instated, getting Miguel ready for school, our food alowence being cut from $97/wk to $57/wk and all the pre-opt stuff for this Friday's surgery. So naturally our house /lawn is a complete disaster.

So on to the problem, I have therapy tomorrow to figure out our options given are co-morbid issues and being out of town thu. -Monday for Miguel's surgery but we got a letter like 2 hrs ago that we have to be home all day tomorrow for a house inspection. If we are not home, we loose our housing assistance. it can not be reschedule and if we loose assistance we are homeless. Did I mention our house is a disaster! Now tomorrow I have to be in two places at once the only way I can make both is if housing comes before 2:30 p.m. I don't have my licence for my safety with my bipolar and all my friends work.

Both appointments are equally important but I'm only one person so what am I suppose to do ? We have no $ to cut the grass (that's a requirement), our house is a disaster how do you clean it in 8 hrs, and one of the toilets are broken? Any idea's would be greatly appreciated.

I don't know what to tell you; that sounds extremely stressful...can your husband be home for the home inspection? As for getting the house in order, just do the best you can. Throw stuff if closets if need be. Wash the dishes, pick up clutter, it doesn't have to be perfect. Many families who aren't going through half as much as you guys have very messy houses, and that's ok. As for the lawn, are you close with any of the neighbors? Could you have a neighborhood kid cut it for a low price? As for the broken toilet, I don't think that there is anything you can do about it in such a short amount of time.

Try to relax; stress is a huge trigger for me (esp. for sui thoughts). It's not worth it. Regardless of what happens, you'll find a way to work it out. But I think that everything is going to be alright.

I'm so sorry it sounds so overwhelming I actually wish I was there to help u

I'm with Secretum. Stuff things in closets, dryers, under the bed, wherever... just do a surface clean-up.
As long as the, bathrooms, kitchen and floors are actually clean, I don't see how they can have a problem. Is there no way to get the grass cut by a family member or friend? If not, a neighbours child is a good idea.

Remember, 1 breath at a time, 1 task at a time.
You can do this without falling apart I know you can

Can't you take a cab to go see your T and have Miguel and your hubby at home with the housing people?
Or call and find out what time the inspection is and explain to them that you have a medical appointment?

Take it easy, breath, I know thats NOT easy, but its well worth the effort. We all know where getting overwhelmed leads us, and I'd hate for you to go down that road.

Play some nice loud music to give you guys the motivation for "operation tidy-up"

I'd help if I could, would even figure out how to cut grass

I gave up. Dishes are going to be done after dinner or will be stuffed into a closed bin,, bathrooms are clean enough, packed things are stuffed to the sides, and the floor you can see for the most part. I'm thinking of sweeping everything into the center and stuff it into boxes, yes I'm at that point and frebrezing the house. Yeah I know we're lazy but it'll make it easier to sort later.

Oh my... One of those very stressful situations that you have been handling very well. Yes, Febreze. Lots of Febreze.

Good luck! I hope you do well with everything that has to be done tomorrow.

A massive operation clean up is never easy, and even worse when cleaning is at the absolute bottom of your priority list.

I know it sounds REALLY cheesy, almost to the point of ridiculous, but when I was in college and things started to get overwhelming for me, I used to tell myself that "all the papers will always be completed, all the projects will always get done, and everything will work out alright in the end". Just keep moving forward at any cost. See... cheesy... and a little silly, but I'd be lying if I said that I still didn't remind myself of that from time to time.

When in doubt, just stuff everything in trashbags or empty boxes and sort through them after the fact.

The cleaning suggestions are exactly what I would have suggested. When we were trying to sell our house, we had big bins we would shove stuff in and stack them of the back porch.
MM, you have been able to handle a lot lately, so I believe you will get through tomorrow, too. All of the stress will make you physically ill, so just know that you will do the best that you can.
As for the grass, I would just make my apologies and say that you are working on a solution. Here, on the east coast it has rained so much that we have not been able to mow for a while. Could you use an excuse like this one?
I wish I could be there with you to drive and mow-I'm not much of a cleaner, but I would gladly find hiding places. I hate that you have so much to deal with!
Let us know how it all works out.

Bluemountains

Do you know any of your neighbours? If so, see if you can borrow their lawn mower?

So housing came. We passed but need a couple things done ie. Lawn mowed, one toilet fixed. My t appointment is at 3pm so plenty of time. I just need to get the motivation to get ready

Yay! At least that's a weight off your mind now! I'm so glad you passed.

I am sooooooooooo happy !!! you did good

So very happy for you! I knew you'd win because

So I went to T but I guessing I was in a "I'm put together" mode. I did tell her we were both doing horrible and threatening each other bodily harm but I don't think I was able to convey it well. T threw me way off laying Hershey kisses next to me. I swear T means to do it. This time I actually eventually picked it up and put it in a place that I could no longer see it. We we're also doing my re-evaluation so maybe that's why or I'm just being paranoid. Do you think I should point out to her she's done that 3x this last year or is that to much?

Hi MM, I am so glad that the housing inspection went well! What is the hershey kisses exercise? My t's have never done anything like this. Are you feeling more "put together"? I hope so, time for some relief.

Bluemountains

T thinks I'm going up, for the last month but 2 days ago I was in tears all day. I mean literally all day. People were staring at me in the store as I walked around with tears dripping down my face. Yesterday I was stressed and hypo-manic like until about 2 am when I collapsed in tears. I took a shower, changed and brushed my hair for the first time in like 4 days. But times to slow, I'm not sleeping, easily board, frigidity and welcoming pain. Today is good: I slept 9 or 10 hrs, I'm getting my hair cut short, dyed red/pink, and my husband is going to pierce my eyebrow. So I really have no idea where I'm at, maybe mixed?

As for the whole candy thing, I'm probably being paranoid and T probable forgot about my ED, but T would do something like that to see my reaction to it. So I don't know. any ideas?

I am so glad you passed the inspection with only two items to complete. I hope you will get the lawn/toilet taken care of, and won't have to worry about more inspections any time soon.