Weird situation with my wife.

Okay so I am bipolar with a side of paranoia to start with. First off my wife and I have been married for fifteen years and have had a pretty good relationship with a few rough patches mixed in. I have a hard time talking to my wife about my mental problems first off like if I say I am depressed she want to know why and most of the time I really don't know why now I never have to tell her if I am in a manic stage cause she spots it right away and if she has a prn Med on hand she will get me to take it. Last night we were laying bed having a nice conversation and out of the blue I said I wish I was dead and told her I was not joking she offered to take me in but I declined and went to sleep instead. Now my real problem is I really have a hard time talking to my wife about my true feelings like being suicidal, homicidal and plain just flying out of my gourd . I don't know if I am worried that she will judge me or that she just won't understand me or what she will think. Now here is the topper she is a psych RN that used to do floor work but is now doing admitting at the psych hospital as a matter of fact I had to beg the er not to admit me to that facility cause she was working that shift. I apologize for bouncing around.

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is that any other hospital take psych patients in your area. even if its 30 minutes away that may be a better option for you. as ttruthful as you want to be with her it's not as important as being truthful with your therapist and your pdoc.

We have three psych hospitals in a one mile circle there's just happens to be the best and largest one.

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Sometimes people who don't have the symptoms, even if they work WITH people who do, simply can't understand because they haven't experienced them first hand and thier reaction can be unpredictable. I am not sure if your wife would fit that description or not but either way, (like MiguelsMom said) just make sure your T and Pdoc know your thoughts and feelings. I hope the bad days are few and the good days are nearby.

I agree that it's important that your Pdoc and your T know what's going on with you so they can help you.

Also, and this is meant to be kind and not smart aleck. Generally as you may already know, folks get better care when their family members are not the ones treating them. It becomes really complicated in ways that may jeopardize both the treatment received and the relationship between the family members.

It sounds really challenging also because she is your wife and naturally you'd want her to help you as most anyone would want their spouse to help.

It is really important that you trust your wife and let her in. You can't do this by yourself. It's really a bonus that she's a psych RN. She is familiar with the kinds of problems you're having. She couldn't be a very effective nurse if she judged you.

Doctors and therapists are fine, but you only see them a couple of times a month. They can't support you when you're on your own and having one of those dark moments (been there, done that). Even if your wife can't completely understand what's wrong with you, she can be there to support you.

I think the reason you don't want to be admitted to the same hospital where she works is that you don't want her to see you as just another patient. But I don't think that would happen. If you trust her and include her in what's going on, she would see you as her sick husband who needs help and support.

Those are just my thoughts. I hope they help.

It's complicated isn't it? Who wants to be sick and incapacitated in front of the people we love? Especially from a mental illness with all the stigma that's still there.
My husband is both bipolar himself AND is a social worker. He works with people that have psychiatric disabilities and he STILL doesn't get it.
Crazy!

Thanks for your input everyone. I guess one of my fears is I am a alpha male and I don't want my wife to see me as a weak person.

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I would try to be open with your feelings but start off slow. She has a lot of training and might think you need to go to the hospital and all you want to do is talk. each person is different and she might not see that. she is being protective because she cares about you. I noticed that with my girlfriend she has a degree in nueroscience and when I tell her things sometimes she tries to say the brain doesn't work that way or in her experience its different. You two have been together for a while I would try to open up slowly to her. Maybe then we will see if you really want to act on those thoughts or not. I have also noticed with the doctor I have now and the meds my thoughts of suicide or self harming have lessened.

Okay I have made some small progress on my end. I had a talk with her about how I felt and she was very understanding of my situation and told me she does not see me as a week person at all. I feel like a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders. Thanks everyone.

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Glad things are getting better. I agree that open communication is so important. Your wife sounds very accepting of you - go for it, let her see all of you! It will help your marriage and your sanity.