Early warning signs of psychosis? Possible trigger warning!!

I'm going to keep this short and perhaps sweet (most likely not). Last night during a regularly occurring session of flashbacks and a racing mind to match, I remembered parts of my childhood bit by bit. A lot of my childhood is forgotten, perhaps my brain's way of blocking out the encounters of my youth.

Anyway. Last night came a memory I'd forgotten so much, I've never mentioned it to anybody. When I was younger, I used to sleep at my grandparents' house rather a lot. Every single night, my grandmother ('nanny Richmond') used to give me a mint before I went to sleep. At this point I was perhaps nine, ten or eleven years of age and I remember for numerous months, not eating that mint because I had severe worries about my grandmother/nan trying to poison me. When these instances of delusions occurred, I wouldn't touch that mint. In fact, I'd hide it occasionally and pray it was never found - if she discovered it she'd realise it wasn't working and poison me a different way.

I can't believe I've forgotten all about that. It's only just come to mind - more than eight years since. I also have a vague memory of a nightmare in which I caught my grandmother/nan having sexual intercourse with my mother. I tried screaming and nothing would come out. This was all at the age of 10... Maybe younger!

At the time I was being sexually abused by my neighbour, so perhaps that's why I had such explicit nightmares at such a young age. I'm not completely sure.

We're these, perhaps, an early sign of psychosis? Bipolar Disorder or another disorder slowly beginning to emerge? Should I mention these memories to my psychiatrist now they've revealed themselves?

Help please!
RB

Bipolar life has it's ups and downs

Currently experiencing slight relapse into depressive episode but overall stability for almost a year!

I would mention it to your therapist not your psychiatrist.

Hi, I am sorry that you have experienced all of this. Past and present. I am wondering if it is PTSD-related rather than psychosis. Have you had a psychotic break before? Bipolar 1 diagnosis? I have bipolar disorder 1 with occasional psychotic features. Over time, I have noticed a pattern, if you will, of what makes me susceptible to psychosis. For me, it usually is being under a very high level of stress for an extended period - coupled with a mixed or manic episode. I also have noticed over time that psychosis, if it is going to happen, kind of creeps up on me...a few delusional thoughts and/or hallucinations (usually visual) here and there. Is it like that for you? Your experience sounds extremely intense and I was wondering if it was PTSD-related since it hit so fast and hard? I have PTSD so I can relate there. Have you been sleeping OK? Were you intoxicated or high (no judging, just asking) when it happened?

I hope this helps. If you have a good relationship with your pdoc, I would mention it. Take care.

I don't have a therapist, just a social worker and a psychiatrist. None of my care plans have been followed. I've written a complaint regarding this failure which can be seen below:

To Whom It May Concern,
I am handing this letter in as a formal complaint against the adult mental health team and the terrible way in which my case has been handled since transition from the child services to the adult services.

The disappointment in the quality of outpatient care I've received over the past year or two is shared, to a large extent, by my mother - a quality assurance officer at an independent care company.

Upon reviewing my medical letters and care plans following my discharge from The Sett in 2011 I was shocked and angered by the complete failure of the teams to carry out the care plan they had agreed upon during my final care plan (discharge) meeting. I was only discharged because it was assured that this care plan would be followed and I believe the doctor at the unit would be disappointed in the complete failure by the services to ensure the measures stated were put in place.

Due to the lack of support and continuity I SHOULD have received, I have once again entered a rapid decline in my emotional state and I believe this to be mostly down to the inability for the people responsible for my case to do their job to a high standard. Not only have I recently had intense suicidal thoughts and minor psychotic symptoms due to my mental state but I've also been led to feeling helpless, unloved, uncared for, judged, looked down upon and even neglected by those that should be doing a job to a standard high enough to prevent this from happening.

Whilst myself and my mother were attending meetings regarding my care in the adult team, we were both told that the assertive team were supposed to be taking my care. I was never told that the crisis team would no longer be there and I wasn't told that the adult team would fail to sort out the assertive team as recommended. It is really, really shocking to see how care plans have been, to a certain degree, ignored and not followed up.

This desperation to get some help from the "assertive team that never seemed to be assertive at all" has led to an additional motive for suicide: to prove a point and to ensure that other people aren't put into this position.

I also feel that the infrequent appointments, lack of a safety net and the poor manner in which I am spoken to further decrease my ability to succeed and become a healthier person. I feel more lost and broken than ever because I am unsure where to go. This failure is ridiculous.

One more thing: I have been told that I must attend appointments and sort it all myself. I am high functioning autistic. I have bipolar disorder. I have problems with remembering where I've left my drink, let alone remembering appointments. I am currently very depressed. There are REASONS for the assertive team being suited to my case.

Why was the assertive team never sorted out? Why were my care plans not followed up? Why did I have a social worker that didn't respond to 10 messages left for her over the course of FIVE WEEKS? Why are appointments so infrequent? Where is my safety net? What will the consequences be to the reputation of the local services if I were to end my life, once it is seen that a person with a history of suicide attempts and diagnoses of Bipolar and Aspergers, with a body covered in scars and a history of hitting arteries...was not correctly monitored; that procedures were ignored?

There are many failures seen not just by myself but also by my mother and my partner. It's ridiculous and doesn't show the NHS in the positive light I once saw it. Terrible.

Faithfully,
Michael H***

Bipolar life has it's ups and downs

Currently experiencing slight relapse into depressive episode but overall stability for almost a year!

I'm not overly sure about PTSD. It is perhaps a possibility because of the anise by my neighbour and the torment I recieved from my brother but I'm comfortable with just the Bipolar, Aspergers and Anxiety diagnoses I have been given.

At the age I was experiencing these delusions I had never heard of drugs and was not consuming any around that time of my life.

Bipolar life has it's ups and downs

Currently experiencing slight relapse into depressive episode but overall stability for almost a year!

Hi, sorry - my post wasn't clear. When I referred to PTSD above, I was thinking that your sudden vivid recollection that you had last night concerning events of several years ago...it struck me as a PTSD symptom like a "flashback." I'm no expert in the matter, of course. You were abused in your youth and that can lead to trauma ... and one can suddenly recall repressed memories from trauma. A post-traumatic reaction, basically, recalled last night from harsh times long ago, is what occurred to me when I read your OP.

And I asked about possible intoxication during your vivid recollection last night...sometimes people experience psychosis if they are under the influence of a substance, etc. I wasn't thinking about being under the influence of anything back when you were younger and experience what you did.

I hope I don't sound too convoluted. You are a great writer, by the way! Excellent letter that you wrote concerning inadequacy of your health care treatment.

As an aside, I have a pdoc and a therapist. If I were in your shoes, proverbially speaking, and told my therapist about my recalled memories and concerns of onset of potential psychotic symptoms - my therapist would definitely want me to let my pdoc know, too. As you probably know, therapists can help "process" things but medically identifying and treating psychotic symptoms is the pdoc/psychiatrist's job. All that said, I hope your treatment team improves - you deserve more!