[BipolaRNurse]

You'd think that as a nurse, I'd know better, but I got too big for my britches by thinking that six weeks of "normal" meant I was stable enough to try cutting my AP dose in half. My pdoc told me awhile back that I could experiment with lowering the dose if I felt OK doing it.....well, just because I've held it together throughout all the stress of my husband getting sick and my career implosion, doesn't mean I should've tried it NOW.

How the hell do you de-stabilize in four days??! That's how long I've been on the lower dose, and suddenly I'm irritable, jumpy, pissed off, and of course I can't sleep, I just lay in bed staring at the ceiling with my mind racing. Oh, I'm off the rails all right.....and all I wanted to do was go to my pdoc appointment this week and crow a little about how well I was managing all my crap on half the amount of AP I'd been on.

This is what I get for trying to grow a brain. My friends are telling me that six week does NOT qualify as "stable"---it's more like six MONTHS, or a year. Who knew? I've never been "stable" that long in my entire life, before OR after my diagnosis.

I don't like me on 40 mg of Geodon. I'm going back to 80 mg tonight and then I'm going to confess my "sins" to my pdoc. Damn. I guess that means I really am crazy after all. Stupid @#*&!! bipolar is such a liar.....I'd thought I was so solid, when all that was standing between me and THIS was 40 mg of Geodon.

Hugs, I hope you can stablise again soon. I get killer withdrawls from geodon if I dont take it for a couple days (even if I miss a single dose) Could it be the withdrawls messing with you or do you think the half dose would have kept them at bay? Hope you feel better soon

[BipolaRNurse]

I've only been taking 40 mg, down from 80 mg. I don't even wanna THINK about what a mess I'd be if I'd tried taking myself off the stuff, which my pdoc most certainly did not want to do---we weren't even going to talk about tapering off for another three to six months, and I probably was never going to come totally off of it anyway.

You didn't know it was going to do that to you so fast, try really hard not to be so hard on yourself. Which part of that is your irritable feelings in general. Hopefully going back up on your med will restabilise you fairly quickly. Your dr told you, you could taper it down if you felt ok so you did what you thought was reasonable. Telling him what happened won't be telling a sin. Simply stating a fact and how do you go forward from here. I hope you feel better soon

[venusss]

Eh, I think it may mean you cut down too fast, now that you are "so ill and really need such high dose". Tapering down should be VERY gradual and slow.

I am not saying what you need or not need. but cutting down such heavy drug in not the best time in your life so fast... doesn't tell you are oh-so-bipolar.

[A Red Panda]

Well, let's look at this: You hit a new record time for remaining stable!!! w00t!!! Right??

But probably cutting the dosage in half was probably not the brightest choice - you should taper off a bit more slowly. You went from 100% Geodon to 50% Geodon - of course it's going to mess with you, that's a huge chunk cut off!

You can try again once you stabilize again. And maybe you can make a new record!

[~Christina]

Hey you are not crazy ! That's first and most important. Bp'ers are just plain notorious for dropping meds left and right... You have alot going on across the board. So you fiddled with your meds a bit..I think maybe your just trying to have control over something in your life because so much has happened in a short amount of time.

So scold yourself a few more times maybe write yourself a letter explain why dropping or lowering your meds is so not a good idea for you.. Maybe you will read it next time you get a tickle to change things .... then let yourself off the hook, really its done and over. Take your meds, tell your Pdoc don't tell your pdoc thats up to you.

Take care of you

[middlepath]

Good for you for noticing that you are destabilizing yourself. Now that you know that, you learned a valuable lesson. No time to beat yourself up...just pick up the Geodon and move forward with this new knowledge. I am in a similar situation myself, I understand.

[ultramar]

Hi BipolarNurse --I'm so sorry you're going through this. You have been so strong, and I completely understand why you lowered your AP. It's so hard, at least in part, because when well, at least for me, the side effects don't justify the benefits. All three times I lowered my Seroquel I actually had the same reaction as you --jumpy, irritable, lack of sleep. It's weird, because this isn't a normal episode-type experience for me, but each and every time I've tried to lower the AP I've had the same reaction --it sucks, I know

The good news, is that on upping it again I got better fairly quickly. I hope this is the case with you. The meds are so hard, and there will be bumps on the road, but you've shown yourself to be someone who manages to pick herself up again, you fight so hard, and sometimes that's all we can do, I so admire you

[Victoria'smom]

Congratulations on 6 wks. Honestly I'm glad that if it was going to cause issues it happened this fast. So you could get healthy faster and continue on your stable road.

[BipolaRNurse]

OK, that was a stupid thing I did, and it has been duly noted. I already feel better just knowing I'll BE better in short order. I finally slept last night, and had a nap this afternoon as well......I feel a bit drained, as it took a lot of energy to be that agitated and antsy (and spend that much time awake late into the night). But the anxiety is much better, and I'm not as irritable today, so the cause was clearly the AP (or reduction thereof).

Lesson learned. Just about the time I think I've got things under control, I go blundering around and get in my own way. Next time, somebody just needs to slap the stupid out of me BEFORE I do something like that. LOL

[~Christina]

If your ever thinking about fiddling ... Just post it here.. You know Ill remind you

[BipolaRNurse]

That's a good thing, Christina. Thanks for having my back!

I feel SO much better today. Had another really good night's sleep and am as calm as I can be---no irritability or agitation at all. Oh what a relief it is.....I even completed a blog post in record time, didn't get all distracted and was able to make it flow better. Yes, I like me again, and if it takes only 80 mg of Geodon to make that happen, I'm OK with it.

[Tiger_Lily]

It may be a withdrawal effect that occurred. Our bodies do become accustomed to the meds. Perhaps slowly titrating down will prevent that. Of course you may still need the meds. So often we play trial and error with our meds, and bodies.

[BipolaRNurse]

Yep, that's exactly what my pdoc said this morning. He does want to try weaning me down a bit at some point because he's very conservative with meds, but certainly not now when I'm going through all this life "stuff", and he acknowledged that I simply may need this amount to remain stable. So tapering down is definitely off the table for the foreseeable future, and in the meantime I'll leave my meds alone and stop trying to "doctor" myself.

[sprik]

glad your better