[manic_me]

So today started off a little rough. Once I got to my grandpas house after making myself look like a total fool at the store, and almost having a panic attack in my car, I sat in the backyard. There was a nice breeze, it was about 10am, so there was still shade, and every time I had a negative thought, I just told myself the grass is pretty green on my side. I tried as hard as I could to try and remain positive. I got out of bed, even if life wanted to throw me ****, I did my make up, and I did all of my school work. I am on here now, and I plan on taking a shower, and making dinner tonight. It'll be the first time I ate dinner in like 3 days. I have to try and get on some sort of schedule. I have read that that helps. I wasn't able to reapply for any help between the backyard and having like an OCD moment and super organizing all of my school stuff. My goal is to do that tomorrow.

I just want to stop seeing the blood covered walls when I close my eyes, I hate seeing the flashbacks when I am left alone. The hard to sleep, the pain, and this just downward spiral. I hate coming down from a manic episode. It's a little less scary at the least.

I try to eat healthy and exercise, although lately I have been neglecting the exercise part. I mean I do have to find time for my relationship right? I am really really hoping I get a break soon and can get the help I need.
Baby steps. One day at a time...

Baby steps are good, they are moving forward It sounds like you had a nice afternoon in your grandpa's backyard, sometimes being outside helps. Tomorrow is a new day, my best wishes that you keep stepping forward. Just remember, if you take a step back, you're doing the cha cha

[manic_me]

Thanks, I think it's all helping even if it is only on a day to day basis. I let it get the better of me during a manic episode, I won't let the depression get to me. While I still have things I should do, I at the least am doing what I need to do =]

[99 FAIRIES]

Sometimes i don't even look to the next day. Just to the next hour or even the next minute sometimes is all i can handle. Keep on keeping on buddy. It will get easier.

[manic_me]

Originally Posted by 99 FAIRIES

Sometimes i don't even look to the next day. Just to the next hour or even the next minute sometimes is all i can handle. Keep on keeping on buddy. It will get easier.

That's not a bad idea actually, I will have to use that on really bad days. If I did it everyday, it would be unlikely anything would get done on time XD

Agreed with 99 FAIRIES. Sometimes looking too far forward is just exhausting, but definitely wouldn't help get anything done on a normal day! Lol. Something that's helped me through my manic episodes is writing to-do lists. Micromanaging my time so I stay focused & expend my energy in a useful context. Even through depression -- but a shorter list is necessary to keep myself motivated or I'll want to quit just looking at it!! Hahahah

Good luck, man. I recall fondly how much that sucks.

[manic_me]

yeah, I am currently trying the to do list thing. Some days it's helpful, some days it's discouraging. I hope I can find a balance soon. I think the biggest problem I have is trying to be "normal" and not accepting my current limits, making my limits seem discouraging but hopefully with a schedule, will come a balance.