[dubblemonkey]

...

so there is a place in between bipolar and borderline...

an emotional shadowland where the dribbling gobbly underworld creatures gather and take creepy nibbles...

the neverdeath ghouls equipped with immortal mangled poison fangs inject me with total apathy...

motionless I attempt to flood my mind with memories....
and it's useless

I am trapped

...amongst the miserable deathflesh creatures that inhabit this realm of madness...

I want to be still and adjust but the otherworld misery phantoms seek my corpse....

and I must run ....keep on the move

being paralysed here is tempting but I have nothing in common with my pursuers

am I manic or am I freaking out borderline?

or did both happen at exactly the same time....
completely overwhelming me...

putting me right here in the middle!

I must become an abstract monster to successfully combat the ethereal mis-shapen derelict inhuman atrocities that hover above in this elaborate underland.

I don't like it here....trapped in the middle

[dubblemonkey]

it's like I cannot touch my past!
....and the past is all myself everywhere the past ever happened...

it's the most meaningful thing I know

I ride a rollercoaster into the immediate time!...

the future has no effect on me I don't dream I have never been able to rely on 'dreams'

I am mentally ill my energy is transferred to an otherwise place ... I am often fascinated by how the future arrives ....
and I am ambushed by time and likewise assaulted by emotional descriptions of both.

always doing the 'catch up'
thoroughly psycho pre-occupied

suspended in memories

[Victoria'smom]

I really hope you start feeling better so you can channel your energy into something you enjoy instead of your mental illness