[dubblemonkey]

...will life ever forgive me for bein' so bad!

are my mistakes much worse than they feel?
...and are my mistaken feelings for real?

it's time to stand my ground and trust what I do ...
but...even when nothing matches up from one day to the next?

I wish my moods would trust me...
then?

maybe they wouldn't totally freak out!

...just to get my attention

it wouldn't matter if they were not so dangerous and upsetting...

these manic moods take me over regardless and controlling them is like trying to capture a huge nightmare in a tiny bottle.

...and hell!... all these chemicals inside me I feel my soul is rotting within.
I wake up take these and go to sleep take these and in between yes please?

wake up brain freeze go to sleep chemical increase.... spiritual sneeze!

I keep thinking I did something wrong somewhere sometime someplace?
I must have really screwed up somehow...

last stable thing I remember was bein' a kid...
and then everything just exploded!

a synaptic circus unlike any galactic entertainment for all the nasty unseen ghouls I became a circus act all alone...

bits and pieces of reality infiltrate my madness and these just hurt.

just proves how much I pretend...
an insane soothing pretence untouchable.

so I guess I should forgive depression?
...it aint gonna move aside

it's the only move I got left

if I forgive my manic depression...
maybe I may just be able to accept it

after all.. I am the source I am...

I am the master of this insane world I live in

((((((((bighugs))))))))